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The uncut X-Beacon files November 1999
PaDS sink the unthinkable! Absurd production sunk without sink?Absurd Person Singular is not only the name of the extremely funny Alan Ayckbourn comedy of manners that is our Christmas production (2nd, 3rd and 4th December), it also captures the essence of an Am Dram director at a rehearsal. Picture the scene. It is 8.00 pm. From somewhere in the forbidding silent darkness of the Institute… sorry, The Painswick Centre…a lonely figure curses as he tries desperately to find the right switch for the stage lights. As he flicks the array of 19 switches at random, heaters whirr into life, amplifiers ping, vacuum cleaners roar and streetlights all over Painswick flash on and off. At last, the stage lights up to reveal a half complete set of a (worryingly sinkless) kitchen, around which I (for ‘tis me) fret and bustle in a desperately directorial way, ready for a prompt start. It is a strangely universal truth that, for amateur actors, an eight pm start always means ‘eight for eight-thirty.. plus a few minutes for the sake of good etiquette’. However, by 8.45 the stage has come alive with theatrical gestures as the cast launch into dramatic exchanges about Life, the Universe and Everything… everything except, of course, the actual rehearsal. Or I should say ‘rehearsals’. For such is the energy of PaDS these days that, not only are we rehearsing the aforementioned Absurd Person Singular, but we were/ are also rehearsing the PaDS Hallowe’en Supper, which is/was directed by Gill Cox and Jackie Herbert (and which you either found hauntingly magical or have just missed). Sorry about the mix of tenses: the dates of writing and publication straddle the actual performance, which was/ will be terrific! Anyway, back to the rehearsals. The casts(s) are soon joined by the technical crew, who busy themselves doing what they do best: ie making lots of noise, nailing odd bits of wood together and splattering paint (which is exactly not quite like any colour ever seen before) all over the set and anyone who gets in the way. It is part of the magic of theatre that in a few weeks, through clever use of lighting, these same odd bits of wood nailed together and splattered with strangely coloured paint will be transformed into a kitchen made up of odd bits of wood nailed together and splattered with strangely coloured paint. And still possibly sinkless. I bring this up with Jacek Wolowiec, the Technical Director. ‘Ah, yes… the sink. Can’t you do without a sink for this Act? After all, you’ve got sinks in both the other Acts…’ ‘No! Absurd Person Singular is set in three different kitchens. Each kitchen has to have its own sink. A kitchen without a think is unsinkable!’ ‘Well, can’t the actors mime it? Or perhaps use the cauldron…’ ‘What cauldron?’ ‘That cauldron… with the three witches dancing round it!’ I shoo the refugee witches bubbling and troubling back to the Hallowe’en rehearsal and throw a mildly theatrical tantrum. Eventually, we reach a compromise: I can have a sink if I can find one. So, dear reader(s), think the unsinkable! If you have a spare think and can’t sink what to do with it, think of PaDS and give me a call (on 812 167) or Jacek (on 813 295). And we also need a couple of old fridges. And a cooker. And an Aga. And a new director. Oh, yes… and we’ll collect! Notwithstanding the above, rehearsals are going absurdly well and tickets will be available from mid November from The Post Office, Londis and The Shetland Shop. It would be singularly absurd to miss it! Jack Burgess, Painswick Dramatic Society |
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