[4·8·04|5:52pm]  Lily says:

It's been a good 7 months since I last blogged. Life has been challenging, fulfilling, painful & joyous. For the sake of squishy sentiment, one might recall the trusty ol' rollercoaster metaphor. Yep, it's been one of those.
up &downdowndown, sideways and everywhere else.
Two days ago I got an e-mail from geocities. It said "update or we delete", so here I am, visiting my parents house. Updating. You see my dears, the school where I tutor has one of those beautiful internet filters that blocks everything except lizardfacts.com. I don't have the internet at home [or television], so it would mean biking to the library &updating in a fifteen-minute time block. Honestly, I have better things to do.
So-so-so, here-we-are. Summer is sliding into our winterchilled brains again. That kitschy catchy Lo Fi band is re-uniting, giving me a taste of last year before music and lolligagging took the backshelf. Deep sigh.
Well, that's it. I blogged. Another seven months until the next? We'll see.

[8·22·03|1:17pm]  Lily says:

Today is my mother's birthday, I bought her a fancy little heart-shaped incense holder and a box of Opium incense. It smells like the perfume my grandmother used to wear, I think she'll like it.
I have to finish up packing everything pretty soon, then I'm heading up to Sheila's. We'll continue to prepare for Burning Man, and tomorrow it's
Nevada or Bust.
More specifically, The Playa or Bust.
The day after I get back is the first day of Reading Corps training. I hope I don't die from exhaustion.
Well, I'm not sure how often I'll be able to blog once I'm living in Olympia. This may very well be the last entry I will make...?
I hope everyone has had as wonderful a summer as I did. Good luck to those going back to school. It's funny, I'm going back to school, too, kind of. Today I received a letter from Pleasantglade Elementary. It said
Dear Staff:
at the top. That was odd.
Alright, I'm off. Adios, mis amigos.

[8·13·03|7:33am]  Lily says:

Here I am sewing tarp in Seattle [I'm on the left],
and here's me eating pistachios in Canada [I'm on the right].
I've been packing up my room so I can move to Olympia. This weekend I'm going to my cousins' wedding in Oregon and the weekend after I'm leaving for Burning Man. When I get back I'll be living in Oly & starting my Americorps training. Oh yeah, did I mention I interviewed with Reading Corps and was accepted?
hurrah
I'll be tutoring children in reading at an elementary school. Everyone come visit me at my new place of residence please! I will be so lonely if you don't. (*_·)

[8·4·03|1:36am]  Lily says:

I feel horrible for not having written the letters I've been meaning to send for quite some time. Responses are overdue to so many people...Mallory: I received your package! The box is so incredibly beautiful, and my first thought was: "She is too good, I can't believe this! Thankyou so much, I will cherish your exquisite craftmanship forever.
Though I didn't get any letter-sending done today, at least I was productive in another area: Burning Man preparation. Nate, Aaron and I went to the Visiting Nurses store and I bought $13 worth of material and weird things with which to decorate my bicycle and make a large pair of wings to wear. Nate had the brilliant idea of constructing wings from an umbrella. I bought a bright pink one, we cut it up and attached it to suspenders. I can't wait to make them and my bike fancy and be a faerie on a bike. Then everyone will look and say, "Check out tinkerbell with the wheels" and my self-esteem will sky-rocket. hoo-ray

[8·1·03|9:20pm]  Lily says:

BLAH BLAH Look, I'm updating! Holy shit!
Death to the update nazis.
Not really.
I've spent the week in my house, mostly moping about, but with the main goal of getting my room packed-up. I'm having a hard time doing so, as I am still living in said room, and it would be impractical to be putting items I am still using in boxes. I'm not moving out for another week or so.
The past couple days I have been involved in a huge project of John's. We're sewing mass amounts of tarp-like material together for a huge structure at Burning Man. We're using fishing line as thread and two old sewing machines that don't want to function properly. Luckily, Sheila & Aaron came down to help today.
Tomorrow I'm headed to Seattle. There will be a get-together at Rachael & Robin's place [two wonderful people I met while in Canada]. It will be a bike-repair/bbq party, hooray. (¤_·)
Some time this week Lo Fi should be practicing, as we are playing at Borst Park on the 8th, but I don't know when I'll be able to get a lot of practicing in, what with all the other shit I have going on. Goddamnit.
a thousand-year sleep sounds nice to me.

[7·21·03|10:05pm]  Lily says:

I feel like the events that have taken place recently are too big for this blog. Partially due to the amount of stuff happening and also due to the grandeur of some.
How silly,,,I was just going to go into further detail regarding my little opening paragraph, but I'm on the phone with Jake right now, and I guess I'm going to go celebrate Lisa's b-day with the gang.
I'll finish this later. hazaa
p.s. Hayley, I have not forgotten your birthday...I will be contacting you soooooonnn....

[7·9·03|8:45pm]  Lily says:

Tomorrow is my 18th birthday, which means lots of cigarettes and porn and voting for me, ha-ho.
Bring me presents and vegan cookies.
Tomorrow Lo-Fi will be playing at open mic, so that should be a prime opportunity to say "Happy B-Day" and give me things. I love you all!

[7·3·03|2:22am]  Lily says:

Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been job-hunting all week. Hopefully it will be over soon, as I'm tired of filling out applications and trying to make myself sound useful.
Anyway, I'm excited because I just talked to someone from Americorps and she informed me that the Reading Corps still exists and there will be positions involving tutoring & whatnot. My interview is the 11th, the day after my birthday. Hooray!
Yesterday we celebrated what is now called "HalloWednesday". Last week we dressed in goth garb, whereas this week we decided on an Alterna-Catholic School Kid theme. We got our stickers at the mall & took a couple pics at Erika's.
As far as today goes, pretty soon I'll be heading over to Lisa's for band practice. Lo Fi is playing at Open Mic at The Matrix again tonight, please come. We're also playing at a party at Noelle's tomorrow, it should be fun.
Saturday morning, if all goes as planned, Aaron, Brian B. & I will be heading down to Portland to visit dear, lovely Laura, and will be returning Sunday night. It looks to be an enjoyable excursion.

[6·27·03|11:46am]  Lily says:

My guitar was carried off by Lisa's van last night after the show, and I miss it today. I ought to go pick it up.
Hey kids, I do indeed want to go to Oly today. Aaron should get his bass fixed & face pierced, and I might be able to contribute to the gas fund if needed.

[6·26·03|9:30am]  Lily says:

Yesterday I straightened my hair, put on a black dress & a bunch of makeup and thus created an alter ego: Esther.
I did Jerry & Aaron's hair and makeup as well, and we [including Bryon] went to the Capitol mall as goths. [Jerry's alter ego is Draven Sonofabitch and Aaron is Padraic. Bryon didn't have one.] It was disturbing how many people stared or were obviously ignoring us. I decided that next time we should dress up like yuppies and act like asses and see how nice everyone will be to the rich snots.
We later went downtown where we fit in more easily & had a good time. Someone rolled a tire in my direction at the park, and it scratched my hands when I stopped it.
"Your tire chaffed my skin and made me bleed," I said.
"Oh, you should get drunk. That's a good reason to get drunk," said the boy, then he started to walk away with his friends.
I'd like to be Esther more often.

[6·24·03|10:07pm]  Lily says:

Aaron deleted his blog. I can understand why. I do hope he decides to resurrect it sometime, though. He will still be posting on aaroly, thank goodness.
I'm going to meet my brother John's fiance and her daughter when they come to our house Thursday. Today and tomorrow is a bunch of house cleaning & whatnot in preparation, and I've been working on my room, as they will be staying in there. I think I will be sleeping on the couch.
I have to go job-hunting again tomorrow as well, I'm not looking forward to that. I'd like to work at Goodwill, possibly. It's within walking distance, and maybe I'd get discounts. Awe-some.
Well, the Lo Fi's are now just Lo Fi, and I have to go change the site to fit that alteration. It will have a new address & I'll link it. Check whatever I end up posting to know what's up as far as open mic Thurs.

[6·20·03|5:23pm]  Lily says:

When we signed up we needed a name and decided on The Lo Fi's. Check it out, I made a website: oocities.com/thelofis.
We played for over an hour. I think it went pretty well, considering the band is roughly three days old. I think I'm going to put a tagboard & gbook on the site soon so people can share all their harsh opinions. Criticism is healthy, I look forward to it.
Now the dawn is here, though, so I'm probably going to retire to my room. Adios.

[6·19·03|2:27pm]  Lily says:

No, it's not Kirsten Dunst, it's not the guy from DCFC, it's actually me in the picture. So, this is a new layout. You like, yes?
Aaron, Jake, Lisa and I have rehearsed a couple times & we will be playing together at
open mic tonight at the Matrix,
after Jake does a solo set.
Everybody come, please. It's free, and we're playing. How awesome.
Go to the Matrix website at: matrixcoffeehouse.com.

[6·15·03|3:53pm]  Lily says:

Check out the aaroly blog for the 13/14th to see what we wrote while at Michelle's grad party. We had a good time.
I didn't get very much sleeping in at that party, and yesterday I didn't take a nap so I slept in til 1pm today. Aaahhh, summer.
Oh yes, and while at that party and at KC's yesterday I ate non-vegan things [no meat or dairy, but what those following a Jewish diet would refer to as "Parve"]. Yes, I enjoyed it. Yes, I felt kind of guilty. No, I will not give up veganism now.
The real significant news of today, though, is that the government is cutting something like 80 percent of all Americorps programs in the country, which is bullshit and may very well screw me out of my plans for next year. More importantly, these programs are very benefitial to communities all over the country and this is going to have a horrible effect on schools & cities everywhere. I can share more info on this later, and possibly on aaroly.
But for now, Sheila & the gang are here so it's time for a Fathers Day bbq-we're having tofu kabobs. Happy Day to all you Fathers out there.


[6·13·03|10:47pm]  Lily says:

Well, hello boys and girls. I hope the summer is starting off with a big lovely bang for everyone.
Some exciting events have taken place. I've graduated, and boy was it great. The ceremony, I mean. It totally wasn't boring, too hot, annoying, or anticlimactic or anything like that. No sir, good times.
Then the all-night party...I don't want to get into much detail, but let's just say that that "Hayley can't enjoy the party with her friends, she has to leave" lady can let her actions weigh down on that sick little heart of hers the rest of her life. What a stupid, petty argument. The party was boring as hell, anyway [until we made our own game-Dance Ball].
So, I came home from that little shindig around 5:30 am & fell asleep soon after. 10 o'clock-Up again and getting ready to head up to Seattle. I went with my brother John, Sheila, Michelle, Aaron H and his friend Keith to a party on Vashon Island. We went, there were very strange, very high people there, we camped-out, and that was that. Two nights in a row of going to bed at dawn, and neither occasion was very eventful.
It has taken the rest of the week for me to stabilize. I think I have post-high school depression, or insanity, that is. I'm not saying I miss school, but I'm lacking direction right now. I'm lethargic; I feel like sleeping all the time, or just sitting around and scaring myself with weird thoughts. Then sudden bursts of energy come and I'm cutting off pieces of my hair or reaching over from the passenger seat and stearing Aaron's car onto the other side of the road. I think I may be able to ease back down into some kind of normal state if I get a job. I guess what I need is a schedule, which is sad, I think. I don't want to rely on those.
But-today I am going over to the school to pick-up some things and deliver some things, and tonight is Michelle's grad party, so things might be looking up for today. And I picked out some new frames while at the optomitrist's yesterday & they're a bit geekier than my previous ones. Hoorah for hipster glasses. And Jerry has a blog. AHEM-blargh, that is. It's really quite wonderful: oocities.com/deathblargh.

[6·4·03|1:30pm]  Lily says:

Check out the new blog Aaron & I made a couple days ago:
oocities.com/aaroly
It's pretty awesome.
Today is the last day of high school for me. We had graduation rehearsal this morning-I didn't know I would be getting honor chords, but they passed them out and I guess I had a 3.0 or higher GPA so I get to wear them. That ought to make my mom happy.
Tomorrow is the Senior Trip...to Bullwinkle's Family Fun Center. Yep. Holy shit.
Oh yeah, go to Liz's blog : oocities.com/lunchboxpirate. I made it for her, & I'm not sure if she has even blogged in it yet...but you may notice a similarity between it's layout and that of aaroly. Yeah...they're pretty much the same.

[5·27·03|12:10pm]  Lily says:

senior hysteria
events events events
we're graduating, holy shit
life is over
the world is ending
how exciting
I think I wet my pants

Next Friday I graduate from high school. Rebecca M. and I are singing the national anthem at the graduation ceremony. To specify, not this Friday, but the next. The 6th. Circle the date with a fat red pen.
The Senior Fest assembly is today-a grand event set-up to pacify antsy under classmen with a promise of recognition in the end. We big kids' efforts are now being recognized. Our time of glory!
As I was Girl of the Month in December I'm up for Girl of the Year, but I think everyone voted on the person I voted on, she's nice. She has a nice laugh. During this assembly we'll watch the Senior Slideshow, a sappy collection of photographs glorifying our childhoods and friendships that ended after eighth grade.
"You'll get yours" says the feedback from the mic amps. "They are, look at them!"
Poor kids.
I've been sick all weekend. I think I may be dehydrated and I'm having trouble breathing deeply. All is well, though, because the weather is lovely and my brother came to our house from Spokane last night.
(@_*)

[5·21·03|1:25pm]  Lily says:

(x_x)

[5·7·03|1:25pm]  Lily says:

I forgot to mention, the day before Melisa left was the Procession of the Species parade in Olympia [formerly mentioned in my first blog entry one year ago] and this year I danced in it. What a crazy/exhausting event. It took several washes to get the gold acrylic paint out of my hair...
Last Saturday was Senior Ball. Aaron, Cat, Elijah and I went to Oly for a Thai dinner & then attended the French-themed dance. Aaron & Elijah brought white flags with them, har har. I'm looking forward to getting the pictures back.
Last night was dress rehearsal for The Cinderella Complex. I play Diana Laughingtower, a step-sister who is loving and friendly, then wrongfully accused of acting cruelly towards Cinderella. How novel! Opening night is tomorrow.
[plug]
The Cinderella Complex A Comedy
Thurs-Sat * 8pm * $3 students/seniors $5 general
Please come & support a struggling high school drama department.
My parents are leaving Thursday to attend my brother's college graduation. [Congratulations John]. I would be going if it weren't for the play. I guess this means my house is party central this weekend. woot. woot. woot.

[5·6·03|1:41pm]  Lily says:

A friend brought his friend's guitar to Web Design class & when the computers weren't working I asked if I could see it. Now that they are running I am surfing the internet and still have the guitar in my lap, like my own godly little baby. He is probably wondering why I haven't returned it. I don't wish to, you see, because I don't want him to have it. I like the way it makes me feel like I'm not a prisoner. I hate school.
Anyway, the week following my last entry was time spent with my dear cousin Melisa who came up to visit from California. It was so nice having her around; I was constantly trying to plant the idea in her head that moving up to WA is a good idea. I think it would be a smart move on her part, really. I also just want her to be up here for my own selfish reasons...she is my friend, after all, of course I want her to live here. I cried when we took her to the airport.
I'll talk about Senior Ball & the play some other time.

[4·18·03|5:58pm]  Lily says:

Yay for afternoons without rain. The sky has been so pretty lately.
Spring Break was good fun, it felt neither too short nor too long. Though, it did seem strange to go back to school. The moment I stepped into the building Monday morning I was annoyed, knowing that I would be accomplishing absolutely nothing, only shuffling from class to pointless class so as not to lose participation points and feeling sick due to the stale, recycled air in the building. I get used to it by the end of each week, though. Some of my friends are a real help. At least I'm not anti-social.
Well yes, break was fun. The Bright Eyes show was great, Aaron and I were exhausted by the time we got back from Seattle, as we had been either walking or standing for seven hours straight that evening. He left for California the next day.
The rest of the week was mostly hanging out. There were a couple visits to Olympia, one of which included sitting on dirty driftwood and throwing rocks into the lake near the capitol building with Jake, KC, Hayley and Jesse. It was very cold and windy; good thing Jake lent me his black furry girl sweater he had purchased that day.
The school week was uneventful for the most part. Monday Aaron returned from California, and yesterday Elijah came down from Renton and we went to open mic night at the Matrix. There I finally got to meet Aaron's new friend Cat ("...and no, she is not a cat" says KC) whom I'd heard a lot about.
This weekend I'm hoping to get further into Orwell's 1984, which we started reading in English this week. Sunday is the annual trip to the beach with my parents, I'm looking forward to that. For now, I think I might take a walk somewhere before it is dark.
Happy Easter.

[4·4·03|12:53pm]  Lily says:

My last entry was an April Fools joke. Ha ha. Sorry if I led anyone to think I was that depressed (Melisa, thankyou for your concern...I love you and envy your storytelling abilities, seriously). Actually, I haven't felt this good in quite some time, and I hereby thank all of my friends for giving me somewhere to escape to these past few months when I wasn't doing as well.
Moving on, the other day (Tues or Wed, I think) Liz came over, then Bryon and Trevor picked us up and we played pool at the Oly club and afterwards, reaking of cigarettes, drove around and eventually ended up observing rain-soaked boys skating around on the newly equipped skate park.
Yesterday Elijah and I ventured into the middle of farmland to return a few items to Elizabeth. We flipped through her numerous Cosmopolitan magazines and poked fun at flirting suggestions. Later on I took him to Robbie's new house, we sat and talked for a while. Crazy Robbie and his video game job...
Today is a good day, as I am now completely finished with my Senior Research Project. Fourth period I engaged the class in a thrilling discussion about e-commerce and web design. *woot woot* Brett inquires, "Lily, how many web sites are there?". Requests for the address of poser poet arose...DENIED. That would be an open invitation for gbook/tagboard slander. Anyway, I'm so relieved to be free of that stresser. Aaahh, how nice it is to overcome tedious and time-comsuming requirements of high school.
Also, today is the first Friday of the month which can only mean one thing: DANCE 'O' DANCE. This month's episode is dedicated to Rachel Corey. So if one happens to be viewing TV in Olympia tonight, tune in to the local access station. [8pm-9pm]
Tomorrow I plan to attend the Peace Rally at noon as usual, then KC and Erika's Birthday Party. Aaron and I will then head up to Seattle for the Bright Eyes show. A lovely mixture of joy and anxiety flood my being at the thought of this excursion. Oh, YAY of all yays. I only wish I were familiar with more of his material. Oh well, I'm looking forward to seeing the band in such an intimate setting and anticipating the innevitable tears of joy I will reluctantly cry upon hearing Conor's voice. !@#[Insert numerous giddy outbursts of unhealthy infatuation here]#@!
All in all, things are looking pretty rosy for me currently. I'm looking forward to Spring Break, and am so full of optimism and caffeine-induced energy that I could collapse (though I hope I don't).
Yeeeee.

[4·1·03|1:05pm]  Lily says:

Due to problems in my life lately (to be specific, last night around 12:24 am) I have decided to lock myself in my room in an effort to clear up my head and avoid confrontation for a short while. This may possibly last for a few days, or all of Spring Break. I will not take visitors or phone calls. I don't care if you're dying, I don't want to speak with people. I really am sorry if this is an inconvenience to anyone.

[3·31·03|1:05pm]  Lily says:

It seems that little occurances in the past few months have built up to all that is happening now, and I can't decide whether I feel free due to the relief from suspense of curiosity and having kept secrets, or even more entangled in obstacles that will come from everyone putting themselves in the open. So I guess I'm in a confused transition currently. While things flourish in one aspect others are falling in decay because of it, and I'm hoping that I can salvage what I may seemed to have abandoned on the exterior. Underneath it all, though, what appears to be thoughtless -or heartless- actions are only with intentions of both fixing problems and making the process easier in the long run.
While I encourage everyone to read into all of this as much as they like, understand that this applies to several different situations and individuals, who upon reading it will probably understand what I mean.
What is possibly the most interesting thing is how many layers there are to recent social situations, and how keen I am to pick it up, where things usually go unnoticed. There are clues to the bigger picture in what everyone says and does, and the more I learn about peoples' opinions and motives the more I understand what is going on, yet feel lost in turn. I'm sure that, though a lot of information has been shared with me recently, there are just as many secrets being kept as I have to keep from others.
Class is out...I have no real conclusion to this entry, sorry.

[3·25·03|7:02pm]  Lily says:

<-- I took the "wearing: jeans, shirt, etc.." line off the update over to the left because I was tired of trying to describe my outfits, and it seems stupid to be sharing that information anyway. As for my weekend...
Friday we attempted to have a band practice (once Jake's "not too haaardd..." song started it was all downhill), played DnD at KC's & Liz spent the night at my house. Saturday was a Peace Rally at the park, then Anti-War protest in Seattle (for full account of the day view Aaron's blog-I suggest you do, it was very interesting). I spent the night at Sheila's in Oly. Sunday, Paul, Tiffany T. & Aaron B. came to pick me up, and we were off to see The Importance of Being Earnest at the State Theatre. It was a very good production, all three hours. Afterwards was dance practice with Samba Olywa at the Procession building, later that night I came home.
This week I don't plan on doing much after school, as my Senior Research Paper is due Thursday. Oh, boy do I love writing about E-Commerce and the field of Web Design for ten pages. I am bored out of my mind with this topic, I have been for the whole project, actually. Future seniors: have sense enough to choose a topic that is at least mildly interesting. If not, well, you'll have as much fun as I am currently.
Elijah comes back from his frivolous little trip Friday. If only we were all free and spontaneous enough to take off to California with our friends within roughly a weeks notice. If only I weren't in high school and living at home, doing homework and missing sleep over arguments with my parents. I'm so jealous.

[3·19·03|12:40am]  Lily says:

While taking a break from writing the rough draft of my senior research paper, I read this forward from a friend. --->view it.
I quickly wrote a response. --->now view this.
You may agree, you may disagree...
I just can't understand how some people believe things without questioning their validity. Maybe I didn't make the best argument, with the best information to back everything up, (it is late and I am too tired to be thorough) but you can see where my thoughts are headed, right?
Please think for yourselves. Your personal beliefs and opinions are what make you, so don't limit yourself by accepting the first thing you hear. Know what you support.

[3·17·03|1:44pm]  Lily says:

St. Patrick's Day...I was so busy thinking about other things (like War and English homework) that I forgot to wear green today. My plan is, before anyone can say anything, to offer my arm to everyone for free pinches, as to avoid random unexpected ones.
Friday was fun at Winn's party in Oly. Lots of interesting conversations, and I observed a lot. Winn: I was not bored, I promise. I was just thinking a lot. I had a good time.
Travis and I downloaded a bunch of Bright Eyes onto Winn's computer, that made for some good party music, qg.
Yesterday I went to a dance practice with my sister for the Procession of the Species, which will be in April. The dance we learned tells the story of a one-legged hag finding and picking herbs, it's interesting.
Oh yes, and what makes this week so splendid is that my niece was born Saturday, so my mother took the car to California to oogle over the new baby. If I plan to go anywhere which requires a vehicle I have to depend on other people. How inconvenient.
In addition, I am expecting to go mad for reasons I don't care to discuss other than saying that: to have something wonderful presented to you, only then to be separated from it, left to wait in an agonizing cycle of anxiety and monotony, is not something I enjoy but unfortunately must cope with presently.
And so ends 5th period...

[3·12·03|1:09pm]  Lily says:

A continuation from yesterday...
Saturday Aaron, Elijah and I stood with Anti-War signs by the park at the library, it was raining and we were quite wet after an hour. The people who drove by flipping us off were the most fun to smile and wave at.
At a meeting of the Fellowship of Reconciliation Sunday at the library, a committee was formed to spread the word about Iraq and the War and whatnot, and I joined. Maybe if I make an effort to educate other people as well as myself then I won't feel so guilty to be an American. As my sister often says, "Think globally, act locally".


[3·11·03|1:22pm]  Lily says:

Last weekend [2·28-30]: Going to see Death Cab for Cutie and The Thermals with Aaron and Elijah was good fun. I'm always up for being squished in the middle seat between my two favorite boyfriends on long rides. The club didn't catch on fire, too. That's always a plus.
This weekend: [3·7-9]: Friday, I brought a large group of friends to Dance 'o' Dance in Olympia. Anyone in Olympia can watch us dancing around like fools on the local cable station all this month.
Class is out and I will finish this later...

[2·25·03|8:20pm]  Lily says:

I'm currently trying to crawl out of the scholastic hole I've dug myself into. The progress report for English that arrived in the mail a couple days ago had a big blaring F on it. That is not like me.
I'm not really happy about the fact that Elijah is moving to Seattle sometime soon. Now my letters have to be in envelopes with stamps on them.
I am happy, however, about this weekend. Friday a bunch of us are going to see Death Cab for Cutie in Seattle. Unfortunately, this week seems to be dragging on quite slowly, like it doesn't want to progress. How am I going to enjoy myself this weekend if the week gives up and stops in the middle and traps me there before I can get to Friday?
Oh my, I need some sleep.

[2·17·03|12:46pm]  Lily says:

I've noticed recently how often I say that I feel sick. I considered mild mono, but I think I'm just doing it to myself mentally.
How stupid.
You know what I really hate? I really hate realizing something isn't, and never will be, how I want, and not having the stamina to deny it completely.
Man o man do I want toxic ice cream.

[2·4·03|6:35pm]  Lily says:

I really don't know what to say.
Everything I've been getting out of bed for in the mornings has been taken away because of my mother's blind assumptions.
I cannot really explain anything right now, I'm a big mess. Everything is a big shitty mess.
I guess what I would like right now is to be kidnapped.

On a brighter, fluffier note, Mallory sent me a lovely comic strip about her cat, Polly. Here is a frame:



[1·30·03|7:45pm]  Lily says:

A recent contribution to Aaron's guestbook:

a boy in the yellow
a boy in the grey
a girl in the blue
in the black
in the middle
where is the rest of it?

Don't know what it means, do you? Boy, am I deep and complex.

Saturday was extremely fun:
walked to and bought pants at Goodwill,
attended heavy-metal tea party @ Erika's,
played spin-the-bottle (we didn't kiss, but slapped each other instead),
enjoyed a very stimulating ride home in a crowded backseat,
smiled at the police man that pulled us over,
tried to catch cold, standing in the rain on a picnic table,
& complained to Elijah about all my stupid problems.

I'm currently learning how to make links and put up graphics in my web design class. ha ha

[1·11·03|10:30pm]  Lily says:

I made only one entry for the month of December...
but I just made up for it with this lovely new layout. I hope everyone is satisfied. :P
My life has been fairly eventful lately, in that I seize every opportunity I get to leave my house. I have been getting home late on weekends and not staying home after school. Hence the lack of updates on here. I haven't been paying attention to keeping my room tidy, either. But sacrifices must be made so I can enjoy myself, I guess.
School seems more pointless now than it ever has, and I find myself in class wondering why I'm there, as I am most often not learning anything.
I can't help but feel that there is a lot of wasted time in my life. I hate the schedule of my days. I get up early in the morning so I can travel from class to class, going through the motions, feeling unnecessary stress over assignments that do not teach me, so that I may recieve a diploma in June in a ceremony that is more likely to be an embarassment than a thrill.
An alarm jolts me up in the morning. I get up searching my head for some optimism, finding only things that worry me, and push myself through my morning routine with caffeine.
Later on while in the company of my friends they discuss their classes and I curse myself for not transfering to the college when they did.
My parents aren't exactly helping but I know they are trying. I am trying, too. I mean, if I could change the fact that I have a horrible love/hate relationship with my mother, I would. It isn't all because of me, though. We are both neurotic idiots. She just won't admit it.
The thought used to scare me a little, but now I'm thinking of where I want to move once I graduate. I can't stand my home life. wah wah wah cry cry
I have been writing and painting and playing my guitar a lot as a result. It's always nice, I think, to have things like that to do. The fact that I haven't been home much is very nice, too. So maybe instead of going crazy I'll become an artsy elitist jerk. I don't see why not, since I do in fact believe that I am smarter than everyone anyway. Right? ha
Just kidding, I'm not smart at all.
Oh, pity me! Pity me! I am sick and my eyes hurt!

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