At one look, Jeremy Lim seemed like a happy, content, carefree four year old with the sweetest smile.Unfortunately, looks can be deceiving.Jeremy has just been orphaned,losing his mother to lung cancer.His father had died, many years earlier.Glancing at his watch, Jeremy sat quietly on an upturned vase while waiting for his uncle, his only living relative to pick him up.

True enough, a blue run-down Toyota Corona soon pulled out in front of what used to be Jeremy’s patio.A social worker who was waiting with him opened the car door for Jeremy while his uncle grabbed Jeremy’s bag for him.Jeremy managed to flash a cute smile at the social worker before the car backed away into the misty morning.A few moments passed before the vehicle halted in front of what looked like a small house.Jeremy’s cousins crowded around the boy and offered him their condolences and murmuring regrets.All the while Jeremy never uttered a word.

Jeremy’s aunt,Mrs Susan never did approve of having Jeremy in her home.Her husband only worked as a taxi driver and his meagre monthly income was hardly enough to put food on the dinner table, let alone feed another mouth.

However, somehow they managed to rough things out and sent Jeremy to kindergarten .Things began to take a turn for the worse when Jeremy’s aunt, an addicted gambler lost her life’s savings on the poker table.She began to beat Jeremy and verbally abuse him.She forced Jeremy to do odd jobs around the house and piled the housework on him.When her husband was home ,however she acted absolutely angelic.In fact, she pretended as if she loved Jeremy and would exaggeratedly praise him loudly in front of him.

On one occasion ,Jeremy saved up his pocket money to buy himself a box of coloured pencils for his kindergarten lessons.When Jeremy was at school,his aunt ransacked his room , found Jeremy’s secret stash and accused him of theft.She complained to Mr Peter, Jeremy’s uncle and persuaded him to give her Jeremy’s pocket money instead, so that she could give it to him on a daily basis instead.He did as was requested by his wife, and the money never reached Jeremy again.

One day, Jeremy’s uncle came back from work earlier than usual and saw Jeremy being chased around the house by his firewood-wielding aunt.An alarmed Mr Peter shielded Jeremy and hit his wife.His wife apologized profusely, but Jeremy’s ordeal never ended there.It was only the tip of a huge iceberg.

Late one night,Jeremy’s aunt came home drunk.Feeling pissed off that she lost another bet that night, she headed straight for Jeremy’s bedroom.She opened the door loudly and shook the sleeping boy by the shoulder.A shocked,confused and frightened Jeremy let out a scream.Afraid that his shouts would give her away, Mrs Susan punched him on the jaw.She then kicked him in the gut.Jeremy stormed out of the house and ran as fast as his legs could take him.The pitter patter of little feet broke the silence of the windy night.His aunts threats and curses fell on deaf ears .After a while, his lack of stamina caught up with Jeremy and he collapsed to the ground,cold,hungry and fatigued.

The next morning, Jeremy found himself waking up on a soft bed, with two curious heads looking down on him.He heard some voices and passed out again .He awoke the second time ,and was greeted by a smiling lady, no older than forty.

“Ah, I see you’ve woke up, young man:; she chuckled.

“Where-where am I?,”asked Jeremy

“You’re in our home.”

The lady introduced herself as Mrs Murray and her husband asked Jeremy to call him Joe.Mrs Murray prepared some soup for Jeremy and as he sipped it,Jeremy felt his strength return.

He could not recall how long he spent in that room, but after a while ,Jeremy began walking around the house .The first thing that caught his attention was a large portrait of a young boy, about his age in the living room.

A few weeks passed and Jeremy felt quite at home at the Murray residence. He was however, still curious about that portrait on the wall. Finally one night after dinner ,he plucked up the courage to ask Mrs Murray about the portrait.At the mention of the portrait, Mrs. Murray 's expression turned into a sad one.She hugged her husband.It was clear that Joe was also depressed .Joe answered Jeremy in a soft and painful tone “That boy was our son Forbes He died from cancer four years ago,” .Mrs. Murray, after a short while added after her husband ,”Since then we have been all alone”.

Jeremy listened intently and after a long pause ,”Don’t cry Mother,I’m here”.Mrs Murray smiled as she held the little boy closely to her and wept in joy.

-end-

By Emmanuel Joseph, 2000

I could not say a word

It was a typical Tuesday morning .I woke with the sun shining persistently into my eyes.I brushed my teeth,shaved and showered.I put on my pressed Armani shirt and pulled up my matching necktie neatly.As I sat down to enjoy my breakfast, the doorbell rang.

“ I’ll get it ,sir” offered Kak Mira,my maid for the past eight years. “Why, thank you ,”I said,rather appreciatively .kak Mira smiled and got the door,while I proceeded to eat my meal, which by now was gradually getting cold. “Sir,Miss Felicity would like to see you,” Kak Mira announced ,not unlike a butler for Her Majesty herself.

The piece of egg that I was about to put into my mouth fell back into my plate. “That right, Emmanuel Joseph; Miss Felicity would like to see you,”the unmistakable voice of my fiancée rang in my ear. “Felicity dear, what brings you here this early in the morning?” I asked while wiping my mouth with a napkin.Felicity crossed her arms akimbo and moved her cheek when I attempted to kiss it.

“What’s the matter now?”I asked.”What’s the date today?”Felicity replied my question with another question.”Um, July 25, 2001” I answered promptly.”You don’t remember do you?”Felicity snapped,fighting back tears.”You guys are all the same”she shouted as she made her way out of my front door.”Felicity,wait!” I tried to stop her by grabbing her sleeve.”Get your filthy hands off me,you double-headed,red-necked jackass!”.That long string of peculiar words left me stunned , and I let go.She left and slammed the door behind her.

I shrugged,and carrying my briefcase,I made my way to my car and drove to work.As I sat comfortably on my cushioned armchair, my head spinned.I tried to recall the significance of today,yesterday or tommorow was , but nothing seemed to surface to my thoughts.I picked up my planner and ran my index finger through the dates…July 25^th, July 25^th , I kept repeating in my mind.I spotted a note I left on that date “Party for Felicity’s mum’s birthday”.I had even marked three asterisk signs on that date so I wouldn’t forget.Unfortunately, I did.

I was about to pick up the phone to call Felicity and apologize when it rang.I picked up the receiver and mumbled “Hello” into it.”Hello,Mr Joseph?” came the reply.”Yes.What’s wrong.You sound exasperated,” I asked the caller.”Mr Joseph, I have a message from Mrs Quan, your fiancée ‘s mother.At this point, I was all ears…he had my full attention. “She wants you to come quickly to Pantai Medical Centre.Its an emergency.Something about someone called Felicity.”I did not need further explanation.I hung up and dashed out of my office.

Panic seized me as I jumped into my car and raced towards the hospital.I screeched to a halt and swung the car door open and shook the receptionist shouting “Where is she?Tell me!!”Then I heard the familiar voice of felicity’s mum.”Emmanuel! Over here!Quick!”.I noticed she was crying.She pointed to a room.I barged in and saw her.

She was lying on a bed with many tubes sticking out of her.She had an oxygen mask strapped onto her mouth.Her beautiful, warm face was now pale and cold.I turned to the doctor who was standing there.”What’s the matter doctor?What’s wrong with her?Why is she hooked up to this machine?” No answer came.”What’s wrong doctor?Answer me!” I yelled.”Mr Emmanuel, I am extremely sorry.We tried all we can, but she lost too much blood and her brain stopped receiving blood for too long.”At these words,Felicity’s mother broke down into tears .I was dumbfounded .I just held her hand tightly, I could not say a word.

-end-

By Emmanuel Joseph,2001

Tina

I will never forget the time I set my eyes on Tina.She had all the qualities I had been looking for in my thirty years as a bachelor- she was blonde, she had large,brown adoring eyes and the biggest smile I have ever seen.Yes,I knew from the time I saw Tina, she was the one I was going to spend my life with.I had read about her plight in the papers some days back and decided that I would give the poor thing a home and become her life companion she needed so much.

I spotted Tina in a centre set up for battered poor creatures like her, whose parents heartlessly abandoned. I spoke to the manager of the centre, who told me that Tina’s parents had left her alone in the marketplace and that a kind gentleman had brought had brought Tina over a month ago, where she stayed till now.Until I came.

The ride home was a bad experience.I tried to make eye contact with her, but she simply stared dumbly out the window.I tried to initiate a conversation with her.

“So,Tina, is it okay if I called you that? ”I asked enthusiastically. No reply.

“Um, how would you like to stop by a pharmacy to get some shampoo for you?” I asked again.The air brushed gently on my ear.I shrugged and finally concluded that she was not educated enough to understand English.

Once at home, it was obvious that Tina was afraid of her new surroundings.Who would not be, I thoughtrecalling the horrid place she had stayed not too long ago, a place no better than prison.I had made her a makeshift bed to be set out in the hall, since I had no spare room.The bed was made of discarded orange cartons while for the mattress, I had sewed together some used pillows; and hoped that she did not mind my terrible artwork.She did not.

Meals for her was a problem too.A cross-cultural problem.I laid a piece of steak on a dish and put it on the table, but she looked at the chair, then at me.She then sat down on the floor.I understood.It was not her custom to eat at table.So, bringing my plate down, I sat beside her as she began to sniff the meat suspiciously.After sensing that I had not saved her just to poison her, she nibbled on the steak till nothing was left.I slept well that night, convinced that today was a smooth start to what would be long relationship.

I began to grow extremely fond of Tina, and she, of me.I , however still refused to let her out of the house.She killed time by watching TV and playing with expensive toys I bought her- electronic robots and spinning roller coasters.She had never seen these kind of toys before and being the easily mesmerized type, I had no trouble keeping her preoccupied. Everyday after work, Tina would literally jump on me and cover me with kisses.After my bath, I would sit in front of the TV as she would lean on my lap. I would gently stroke her beautiful blonde hair, as I told her all about my day.Unlike other people I know Tina NEVER interrupts me.

One day, as I came back from work as usual, I flung the door open,waiting for Tina to greet me.No Tina came.I called her name out loud.Still no response.I searched every nook and cranny, hoping to find her hiding in some closet, but none to avail.Then Mr. Lee, my neighbour broke the bad news to me.Tina had climbed up the piping drain to rescue Flip, his cat, which somehow managed to get itself on the roof.The mentally unstable cat was safe, but Tina fell off the roof ,head first.

I was devastated.I rushed to a nearby clinic where Mr. Lee said his wife had sent my Tina.There I met Mrs. Lee.I shook the poor lady up and down yelling “Where’s Tina? Tell me!”.At this point, Dr. Teck comes along and says “Mr. Joseph , would you be so kind as to lower you tone-” “Where is Tina?”I snapped. “Where is she?”I yelled in the hallway, prompting the patients to begin looking at me. I ignored them, and persisted Dr Teck. “I’m sorry Mr. Joseph, but she cracked her skull, and lost too much blood.I froze in horror.Dr. Teck pointed at a room.Gingerly, I walked into it, and true enough my Tina lay there, motionless.A tear rolled down my right cheek.I had never felt so helpless in my life.I was so used to seeing her so full of life.Her brown cheek was now florid.I broke down to tears there itself.Tina was the best dog I had ever had in my life.Since that day on, I hated cats.

-end-

Emmanuel Joseph, 2001

Chapter 1

From across the room , the moment she saw him, Vanessa knew that he was the one for her.Later, at break, she tried to make small talk with the cute guy who was blessed with a tanned complexion, good looks and a RM500 Rolex. ”Excusei moa, je suit Vanessa”. The guy smiled a tolerant smile and in a husky voice belying his gentle face, replied “Apa?Saya Bangla baru mari.Kapal baru kasi turun.England tarak tauhu.Lu mau beli petrol?Lama ka baru?Leaded ka unleaded?” Vanessa, filled with more disgust over the man’s “smelly tauhu” breath than feeling dejected walked away.Was she aware that there was a mysterious man eyeing her from behind the flimsy curtain? Suddenly from behind , popped out Berge Lai Kok Liem, the meanest man in Hollywood since Dave Letterman. Dragging Vanessa and bundling her up his shoulder, he laughed his usual tauge laugh which he learnt from the laugh Mistress herself, Anna Poh Poh “Mauhahahahahaha” .Oh no! Who will save our prissy princess now?

Teng! Teng! Teng! (coincidentally which is the same as the last name of our superhero’s REAL name-Chue Lee Teng)Powerpuff Puff Daddy Curry-puff Puffy Power! Samantha C to the rescue. Samantha does a summersault and lands right in front of Berge,face first(Ouch!) .Samantha faints, and is unable to save our princess. Just as all seemed down, Mr Mueen suddenly passes by and says to Berge “ You are putting the V function down, else I will not mark your attendance. Now you are going home and terminate the loop.” At hearing that terryfing remark, Berge froze in his bear steps and thumping Vanessa down with a loud thud that shattered more than one glass in APIIT, ran home to cry to his Mommy. Just than, the mascot of DF0134, Onion Choong walked out and massages the writer who is currently trapped with a backache and disappears into the thin air together with the writer.By now Power puff wakes up and says “Powerpuff come liao. I want to whack Berge liao.” Slightly drowsy from her terrible fall, she giggles a bit then punches the crap out of Vanessa, thinking that Vanessa is Berge.Violet, Vanessa’s usual best friend, having seen Mr Mueen, flees for dear life.Mr Mueen however catches up to her and calls out “Yes…you are showing me the program in the UNIX lab?” .Our Princess meanwhile is admitted to the hospital,where she was treated for an attitude problem. Her worried parents arrived at the hospital in no time:

Mr Ong:Dr Andrew , how’s my daughter?

Dr Andrew: Well, basically……

Mr Ong:Yes,we are prepared to pay all the bills; no matter how extravagant.

Dr Andrew:Perhaps you should talk to Dr Cheng Wai, after all I am not a “medical” doctor,I am a doctor of Philosophy.

Dr Cheng Wai: Your daughter seems to be suffering from a severe illness called “Vannessaus likus to whackus Emmanuelus and Calvinnus with Mineralus Bottleus”This medical symptoms are identical, and she also seems to be suffering from what we at Tanjung Rambutan call the “Mei Wen Thei” syndrome.She can’t seem to stop using those three words.

Mr Ong : Oh, I see…

Dr Cheng Wai: May I suggest a brain transplant to tighten her screws up?

Mr Ong:What brain do you suggest to use?

Dr Cheng Wai: Well, a hamster’s brain would ensure that she never makes noise again.Or would you prefer an elephant’s?Or a cow’s?

Mr Ong :Hmmm….that would make Vanessa a lot more kinder wouldn’t it? I guess that’s alright.

Dr Cheng Wai was walking away (insert song “I’m walking away” By Craig David), when Vanessa’s dad caught up to him, shouting “Stop!” (Insert song “Stop right Now!” by Spice Girls)

Dr Cheng Wai: Yes Mr Ong?

Mr Ong : Just make sure it’s a female elephant okay?

Adrenaline rushed as Vanessa was pulled into the operation theater. Panic set in when the doctors discovered that instead of transplanting an elephant heart into Vanessa, they had transplanted a cow’s instead.

Dr Cheng Wai: Vanessa how are you feeling now?

Vanessa: Moo!

By now all her classmates were rolling on the floor laughing (imagine in a hospital?)

Vanessa:Moo?(with a raised eyebrow)

Calvinn: Yo guys check it out!

Vanessa : Moo Moo MOOO?

Violet: Hey Ong Ong how are you feeling?

Vanessa: Mo

Dr Cheng Wai: Hmmm…this looks complicated.Maybe she has MCD

Vanessa:Moo Mo Mooo?

Dr Cheng Wai: That’s Mad Cow’s Disease dear….

Vanessa:Bek bek!

Dr Cheng Wai: Wah this cow a bit smart lar can speak many languages

Vanessa: Maiow! Woof!