But then things changed:

October 16 - Kai seemed not quite himself, and pretty sensitive to the touch. He was holding his head a bit sideways, and swishing his tail quite a bit. Everything else was normal, but his attitude just wasn't quite right.
October 17 - Kai was eating with his head sideways, and dropping quite a bit of grain. We were thinking it might be a tooth issue, and called to have the vet out.
October 18 - Kai wasn't eating grain at all, and just chewed on his hay before spitting it back out. Shelby tried soaking his feed that morning, and he drank the water but didn't eat much of the feed. That evening I tried making him various mashes, with molasses and applesauce and anything else to try and get him to eat. He did eat some, but only a small fraction of his regular amount of feed. His cheeks were looking a bit puffy to me also, but I couldn't tell if it was swelling or Kai holding mushy food in his mouth.
October 19 - Kai didn't finish his hay or feed overnight, and was generally unable to eat at all. He also didn't drink much of anything. The vet came out in the morning to examine him. Kai - who has always needed several doses of any sedative - came crashing to the ground after only one dose. While he did let Dr. Esterline examine him on the ground, he also broke the speculum when he landed, so the exam couldn't be quite as thorough as he wanted. He could see a bunch of swelling, bruising, and some cellulitis, and he was able to come to the conclusion that Kai had developed a massive infection in his lower jaw area. The scary part about this is that it developed while he was on antibiotics for trying to pull his hoof off a couple weeks earlier. Dr. Esterline needed the swelling to be significantly reduced before he could give a diagnosis, but none of the possibilities were favorable. There are four possibilities:
1 - he fell in the pasture and fractured his jaw.
2 - he managed to cause enough trauma to the area to cause osteomyolitis (bone infection).
3 - a severly impacted/cracked/abcessed tooth that would require surgery. Kai wouldn't be a good candidate for surgery, as he probably would not have come out of the anesthesia.
or 4 - a severe case of cellutitis, in which case we would have hoped that we could have gotten strong antibiotics to work fast enough before the infection went systemic. Given how much Kai has struggled to fight off infection over the past few months, the chances of him recovering from a massive infection were very slim.
Immediate treatment for everything was oral antibiotics and banamine. And poor Kai could barely open his mouth. More mashes for the Kai-man tonight, along with forcing some banamine and 20 dissolved pills'-worth of antibiotics. I spent an hour grooming him, since there wasn't much else I could do to help him out. He was so frustrated, and just kept stomping his feet and pawing. I also spent a while scattering individual pieces of hay all over his stall, so he could pick up small enough pieces that he wouldn't have to spit them back out. He seemed to appreciate it.
October 20 - I called in today, and spent the day at the barn. I brought him in early on, and tried making up some more mashes, as well as mixing apple juice in with his water to try and get him to drink. It was going on three days without feed and barely any water. I could get him to nibble at hay pieces again, which I scattered throughout his stall, but he wouldn't touch his feed or water. He also couldn't open his mouth enough to give him the antibiotics. The swelling wasn't down any either. I hand grazed my boy for a while, and then let the very frustrated Kai-man go back out into the pasture.

We called Shelby, and went to lunch. My mom was there and was great enough to make all the phone calls I didn't think I could make. We went back to the barn, and I brushed my boy one last time. All too soon the vet's truck pulled up. For the first time ever, Kai planted his feet on me. With a bit of coaxing, I managed to get him in, and then a bit more coaxing and he was on the trailer. Sarah arrived just in time. I held the lead while the vet sedated Kai and inserted a catheter. As she added a pink mix to the syringe, I so wanted to scream NEVERMIND and back Kai right off that trailer. I jumped out of the way when she told me to, and then climbed back in when it was safe. The noblest of horses came down gracefully and without any fight. He was still alive as I climbed back in. I cradled his head in my lap, he blinked twice more at me and was gone.

Goodbye my beautiful boy...godspeed - I'll see you on the other side of the rainbow bridge.

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While it took a great deal of encouragement, I did go to my IHSA shows as planned this weekend. I drew two horses who, in their own unique ways, both reminded of Kai quite a bit. Both were cute little chestnuts with matching blazes...steady horses who had been around the block at least a time or two. Sunday's horse in particular bore a striking resemblance to my amazing man. She rode very much like him as well, and I've never felt quite so comfortable on a strange horse before. I went around the arena feeling particularly solid in my ride. As my number was called out for first place, I left the arena in tears. My coach met me at the gate and wrapped me in Kai's cooler (which I had been holding all weekend). She gave me a hug, and said she had never seen me ride so well. Thanks Kai, for everything...