Strange and unexpected things often happen to dancers. In my case I fell in love and for a while she loved me, but society and family got in the way. The irony is that it was she who pursued me and it was she who originally asked me for a relationship. At the time I thought my ship had finally come in and I was blissfully happy.

One day a couple of years ago this girl started to attended classes. At first she was just another student to me, but after a several weeks I found myself hoping she would be at class. Then I found myself constantly thinking about her (and not realising it, constantly talking about her to my girlfriend - err, I thought I was just talking about dance classes!) Current girlfriends can be fairly clairvoyant at times, and the one I had then, pointed out to me that I was in love with this girl and duely ended things.

I was prepared to love her, this girl, from afar but I had this function I had to attend and no date. So I asked her to come with me. Well that is where it started and it took two years, two days to end. In our first few months together we discussed all sorts of things, including what love is - I wrote her the definition given below. We fondly refer to it as the philosphy. Throughout the relationship I lived by it but alas family and society prejudices just caused too many problems and we broke up.

I hope you appreciate my philosphy on "How do you know you are in Love?"

People have three components that make up the "self" - spirit, mind and body. In a physical world, expressing emotions seems best done physically, the mind can only describe emotions through physical imagery but feeling emotions can only occur through a willing spirit.

A person will meet many people throughout their life but until someone special comes along all that is sought is "self ". The self continually tries to fill an undefined emptiness, an unrecognised loneliness. It gorges on experiences, searching for fulfilment. Many people "join" with another, trying to fulfil the "self" by absorbing the others "self"! This only results in conflict and sadness. The reason: the greatest gift that can be given is the "self"! It's not something that can be taken by stealth or stolen. However, if one person gives their "self" and the other either rejects the gift or holds it to ransom, for each of them the "self" will be injured.

For a time the pursuit of life is selfish, we merely exist, drifting through life without meaning or purpose. Some people never discover this fact and live an oblivious life. For others, if karma is kind, two people will meet. All the injuries to their respective "self" are gradually healed and ultimately their individual "self" is replaced by a unified "self". In this unified state the "self" has one meaning, one purpose, one being and the individual "self" of each person becomes complete.

To reach this state of unity, a journey of testing, of healing and assuredness is required! For those destined to be together; from the first time these two people meet, both will recognise something in the other that their "self" yearns. This might be an unconscious yearning! Their "self" might even deny it, but it will be there! As time progresses injuries to the "self" will be tested! As past pain is not re-enacted the "self" gradually heals. Trust begins to enter the relationship and unity of the "self" becomes a possibility.

As the first of the injuries to the "self" are healed, we begin to want to share our "self" and suddenly we can see the void that the "self" had hidden from us. We have existence! We can make choices. We are no longer alone in a world full of people. We no longer have to protect our "self" from those who are prepared to take, without giving anything in return. Trust begins. We are in control of our selfishness.

As trust develops in the relationship, the "self" becomes more confident, the willingness to share the "self" is less confined. We have meaning! Our decisions are less confined to the needs of the individual "self" but start to take into account the needs of the other persons "self". We begin to seek unity of the "self".

Over a period of time the defenses of the "self" will be lowered, the worst of past injuries to the "self" have begun to heal. We have purpose! The desire to heal our own "self" begins. We no longer seek the other persons "self" but prepare to give our own "self", freely and without compromise.

As we heal our own "self", our "self" becomes more secure and we begin to share our individual "self". We have being! Each accepts the others "self" but resists taking possession. Each tests the others "self", verifying its genuineness, its sincerity! We accept the others "self" but we are prepared to give our own as a ransom. Selfishness has left us.

When our "self" is healed and we trust the other persons "self" completely, we are ready to unify the individual "self". I give to you, my "self" entirely! Each self is now complete. This phase cannot be made to happen, it simply does or it doesn’t! One day the individual "self" merge in a natural, harmonious way. There can be no guilt, no obstruction, no consciousness. Both of the individual "self" feel incomplete without the other, they seek each other out and unity occurs. In a physical world this might be construed as the act of sexual intercourse, but this is only the outward appearance. To give your "self", it must be with spirit first, then mind (and only if selfishness has left you) then the body is used to consecrate and celebrate the unity of the one, joint, "self".