Mirror, mirror on the wall
Do you have to tell it all?
Where do you get the glaring light
To make my clothes look just too tight?
I think I'm fine but I can see
you won't cooperate with me;
The way you let the shadows play
You'd think my hair was getting gray.
What's that, you say? A double chin?
No, that's the way the light comes in;
If you persist in peering so
You'll confiscate my facial glow,
And then if you're not hanging straight
You'll tell me next I'm gaining weight;
I'm really quite upset with you
For giving this distorted view;
I hate you being smug and wise ~
O, look what's happened to my thighs!
I warn you now, O mirrored wall,
Since we're not on speaking terms at all,
If I look like this in my new jeans,
You'll find yourself in smithereens.

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,

And bring so much happiness ... just as they did.

I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.

Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!

When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.

I'll write on the walls with reds, whites and blues,

And I'll bounce on the furniture ... wearing my shoes.

I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.

I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!

When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
When they're on the phone and just out of reach,

I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.

Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then
shake their head,

When I'm an old lady and live with my kids....
When they cook dinner and call me to eat,

I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,

I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,

And when they get angry... I'll run ... if I'm able!

When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll

click, I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.

I'll take off my socks and throw one away,

And play in the mud until the end of the day!

When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,

I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.

My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,

And say with a groan, She's so sweet when she's sleeping!

God Bless All Moms and Grandmas Everywhere!!!!

I have been taken by surprise. I have grown into a silly old lady.
Don't get me wrong, I expected to age. I never thought I would
become the old woman that people laugh about. You know the
ones that talk to their dogs like they expect an answer, who do
things that are not age appropriate.
One night I went roller-blading. My children rolled their eyes at
me and told me, "Mother, act your age". I think they just wanted
to get back at me for all the times I told them that very thing
when they were smaller. How many years did they lie in wait to
use that phrase on me?
I mentioned that I would like to try wall climbing. My husband
looked at me like I had two heads. "Remember Hon, you're not
as young as you once were." The nerve of that man! What does
age have to do with ability?
I talked about going back to school, my grandchildren giggled
and told me, "Grandmothers don't go to school". I'll have them
know that wrinkles are just folds of skin, not signs of
diminished brain cells.

No one minds my feeding the stray cats in the neighborhood.
That is age appropriate according to all the generations
surrounding me. But goodness, I have been doing that all my
life. Other age appropriate things that they approve of is
feeding the birds and quilting. These activities don't do
anything for you when your mind is telling you to go bike riding
or try a go-cart.
If we go to a fair, old ladies are expected to follow their family
around and hold things for the rest of their family, after all, what
could we ride? Phooey on that! I'll be in line for the roller
coaster. Can't you age gracefully and have fun too?
If I listen to the people around me, I would be stuck in a rocking
chair for the rest of my life. Luckily, my dog talks sense. When I
confide my woes to him, he tells me to try whatever I feel like
doing. It's so nice to have a reasonable voice around you.

What I Want in a Man, Original List:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer thing
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

Home* Family
Daughters* Poems
Woman* Fireman
Gifts* Husbands
Mother* Mothers
Memories* Cute Stories
Short Stories* Short Stories2
Father- In- Law* Mother-In-Law* Mother-In-Law* True Happenings
We The Seniors* Computer Newbies
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