Prom and Other School Functions

- Julia

I've just finished at practice, and I'm all sweaty and smelly and stuff. My mom and sister are in the car. They tell me that they need to pick up my other sister at the mall. Huffing and puffing, I quickly say yes and we drive on. But, before we've even picked her up, my sister waltzes into Lord and Taylor. Oh goodness, I think. Here we go in the nuthouse again. And nuthouse it is. She runs over to the fancy-ish dress section and is eagerly looking over things we'll need to take out a secod morgage to afford. Well, of course she is. She's 17, after all, and it is May, after all. Do the math.

I did. I Googled the word "prom." Here come all the OHEMGEESQUEEWHEE sites, full of promise for magic and glamour on that special night. I skip that, and change my search to "prom statistics." And woah. The first ones I found were on drugs and alcohol. Remember, girls, females process alcohol differently, so smaller amounts are more intoxicating. Then there was some site on pregnancy that was totally unrelated. Then I found out only 40% of girls and 33% of boys go to prom, nationwide. And that teens spend an average of 379$ on prom alone.

So what's the big deal? It's an overglorified dance. But the pressure is definately on to go and get a date and have the absolute time of your life.

Or you can be one of the people that don't go and snigger at their ridiculous outfits.

Either way, you can't deny its existance. So you may go. And then find it boring. For which I have a few tricks:

Problem A: I don't have a date. Help!

Answer: You can have an awesome prom anyway. Become the school ghost and prank everyone. I suggest coming covered in pig's blood, personally. Or go in a group and declare it as your night of platonic love.

Problem B: I really don't want to go at all.

Answer: Go anyway, don't dress up. Bring a camera. Take horrible embarrassing pictures. And then, at your friend's wedding or your fifth year high school reunion or something, whip out the pictures and laugh at what loonies those kids are.

So enough about Prom. What about school functions in general? I know that sometimes seeing the man who can tap dance and play the African bongo drums can be repetitive. But they do get you out of school. So ask if you can sponsor a talent show. Let your own band play at an assembly. Ask about inviting your favorite author to come visit. And give old Tap Shoes Bongo a chance. After all, you never know who you'll end up taking to prom.

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