india joke

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A surd and a friend are sitting in a cinema. Just before the break they see
a cactus and in some distance a cowboy. During the break the friend says
to the surd: "I bet the cowboy will ride into the cactus." The surd
answers: "I do not believe that." They agree that the looser invites the
winner to a bottle of wine after the film. It turns out that the friend
wins. So after the film they drink together the bottle of wine in a
restaurant near the cinema. Then the friend says: "I must confess that
the bet was not fair. I saw the film for the second time." The surd
replies: "And I saw it for the fourth time, but I did not think that this
fool rides into the cactus again & again."

How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

What do Smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snow-man as opposed to a regular
one?
You have to hollow out the head.

A judge irritated by a lawyer's behavior, admonished him,
           "You are crossing the limits."
          "Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai," roared the lawyer.
          "How dare you call me saala ? I'll have you charged for contempt
of court'," said the judge angrily.
      "My lord misunderstood me," replied the lawyer coolly,
            "I do not call you saala, all I said was kaun sa law aisa kehta hai...

In Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny. His name is Chotu. His
father is ambitious to educate Chotu. Chotu goes
to school located in Tappachaputra. Its principal is educated in
Urdu high school and claims that he passed tenth class! There is a
school inspection the next day and the conversation is as follows :

      Teacher: Kal inispector ayinga. Kochchanaa (questions) puchinga. Sab
achchaa padkey aau. Koi galath answer deengaa naa
      tho main uske pairaan thodtoom.
      Chotu: Iski maakki. Kyun aara inispector? Kaam nai hai usku? Kya
kochchanaa puchta kathey?
      Teacher: Abey tereku kaiku re, tu kal school aanaaich nai. Tu tera
moo khola to gaaliaan ati. Tereku main absent nai daalthaum. Ghar pe
baithkey gotiyaan khel. Tu school aayingaa to inispector ke saamney mere
izzat ki biryaani karke khaaingaa tu.
      So our Chotu is excited, goes home and tells his father that he is
not going to school the next day.
      Father: Yeah kyaa hai..ischool hai paan dabba hai? Gaand maartoom
saale tu ischool nai gaya to.
      Chotu: Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke.
      Father: Usku akhal hai! Begum suno! Chotu ischool nai jayinga kathey
kal. Agar ino ischool nai gaya to kaise padhinga?
      Chotu, agar tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, tere haathan pairaan thod
daaltaum.

So Chotu cries and finally agrees to go to school.
Next day at inschool, Teacher is very upset to see Chotu back:

      Teacher: Arey teri maakki. Nakko aao bole to bhi kyun aaya re?
      Chotu: Mera bava gaand phodtum bola ischool nai gaya to.
      Teacher: offo?! Tera bava bola? Theek hai chal. Last bench pe baith
aur inispector aya to chchup jaa. Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi gadbad karinga naa
meri noukri gaand lag jayingi.
      So Chotu goes to sit in the last bench hiding behind a tall guy.
      Inspector comes for the visit.
      Inspector: Adaab.
      Teacher: Adaab saab. Bachen acha padrain saab Kochchanaa puchey to
answeraan yun bolte.
      Inspector: Abaa? Offo! Ithney kilever (clever) hai aapke bachchey?
      Achchaa, ek bahuth easy sawaal - Hamarey body mein sab se nazook
cheez kaun si hai?
      Teacher: Arey Imtiyaz tu bata rey!
      Imtiyaz: Saab, Khaleja saab.
      Inspector: Aisa! ..... woh kyun?
      Imtiyaz: Saab, khaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar woh gaya naa, kuch
bhi nahin hota saab.
      Inspector: Abaa, kya tez potta hai rey! Aur koi?
      Teacher: Arey Akram, tu bata re.
      Akram: Saab bheja saab. Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin
rehta saab. Haathaan pairaan kaam nai karthey,
      iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar sakthey saab.
      Inspector: Abey Teacher, kya kya padaaraa re inku tu. Chutiye ke
jaiseich answeraan bolrai naa!!
      In the meantime Chotu is trying very hard to hide but Inspector sees
him. He thinks Chotu is hiding because he does not
      know the answer.
      Inspector: Woh last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa woh pottey ka
naam kya hai?
      Teacher: kaun saab? .......Woh! (iski bhain ku, kaiku dikhaa re tu)
      Woh Chotu hai saab.
      Inspector: Chotu? Ye kya naam hai? Kahan-kahan se lagaathey re bhai
naamaan! Chotu, woh lambu ke peechchey kaiku chchup raa tu?
      Chotu: Saab main moo khola to teacher maaringi saab.
      Inspector: Tereku yaa mereku??
      Teacher: Arey kya baath kar reh saab, main kaiku maarthaum aapku. Ye
potta ekdam badmaash hai saab, jhoot bolraa. Abey Chotu, answer maloom hain
to bol nai tho khaamoosh baith jaa mere baap tere pau padthaum.
      Chotu: Saab answer Gaand hai saab.
      Teacher: Allah!! Ino moo khola meri gaand lag gayi re!!!
      Inspector: Abey kyaa to bhi bolra re! Sharam kar badon ke saamney
aisaich baathaan karthey! Yeich sikhaaye tumhaarey amma-bavaa? Gaand kahaan
kaa answer hai re?
      Chotu: Hau saab, gaand ich sabse naazook cheez hai. Kaiku boletho
wahaan pe dilli mein baamb phata....Yahan Hydrabad mein apni gaand phat
thi.. Yahaan old city mein gadbadaan shuru hothey....wahaan new city mein
sabki gaand phat thi gadbadaan wahaan phailtey kyaaki bolkey. Udhar kyoon
saab, main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki gaand phatrai dekho!

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