It's Hard, If I Knew, Final Fantasy, First Fantasy, Silent Cry
It’s Hard
It’s hard to live
when you feel dead inside
It’s hard to say a word
after the last silent cry

It’s hard to smile
when you’re torn to pieces
It’s impossible to forget
once the hurt passes
-Sept 16/97


If I Knew
I would understand if I knew
why you treated me like shit
but I don’t know

I would leave it alone if I knew
what happened that day
but I don’t know

I would be relieved if I knew
what day that day was
but I don’t know

I would leave you alone if I knew
what I did wrong
but I don’t know

I would forget about it if I knew
whether I did something wrong
but I don’t know

I would accept the truth if I knew
what the truth really was
but I don’t know

I would prevent it if I knew
whether you’d do it to her too
but I don’t know

I would sleep at night if I knew
why you turned against me
but I don’t know

I would take the blame if I knew
that it was really my fault
but I don’t know

So I can’t understand
I can’t leave it alone
I can’t be relieved
I can’t leave you alone
I can’t forget about it
I can’t prevent it
I can’t sleep at night
I can’t take the blame

Yet I’m paying the price
for not knowing
-Sept. 19/97


Final Fantasy
As I burn
memories of you
locking them away
deep in my heart
never to be relived
for its time
has long passed
I’m setting myself free
feeling freedom’s
sweet victory
though the last fantasy
-Sept 26/97


First Fantasy
The first sight
and feeling
of things to come
unknown yet
so inviting
the sweetness of
the moment
looking forward
to its future
getting lost in
the first fantasy
-Sept 26/97


Silent Cry
A silent cry
behind a smile
a vibrant laugh
in dark disguise

A cold reminder
of things used to be
hover over emptiness
that will never be complete

Though never forgotten
it’s in the past
faded away
leaving a scar
-Oct 6/97

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