Tuesday February 15, 2005

The last time I wrote, I admittedly didn't have a whole lot of substance in what I was saying. A huge part of the problem was I was writing well past the point I should've been in terms of how exhausted I was. Another part of it was I had so much on my mind that I couldn't put any one thought together cohesively enough to come up with something worth-while.

Those who came here expecting to find some long entry that explored the deepest regions of my mind were no doubt disappointed, but at least I wrote something.

There have been a lot of things to contemplate concerning what I'm doing and where I might go with life. Part of me feels like I'm being pulled away from here, yet another part knows that realistically I can't just up and leave the place I've been raised my whole life, even if I feel the reason is justified.

My roots are here, my heart is here, and I feel my future is still here. This puts into a bind the situation I have going with a girl who lives away from me. I like the girl, but I have to be careful right now not to overextend things to the point where I'm making a rash decision that isn't solid.

I really need to make sure that if I do decide to move, it would be for the right reasons and be completely feasible, not just a rash decision made out of feelings for someone else, no matter how strong they might be.

I still have to try and get into school (even though Tri-C seems hell-bent on preventing that), still have to work out my finances better, and just have to get on a stable footing before I do anything. Any girl that's going to take a chance on me has to know that I'm going to be able to provide in the future.

Anyone who says I shouldn't worry about that needs to remember, I'm 24 already. There are guys younger than me who have careers already.

So while I'd like to have someone, I have to be realistic as well and realize any girl who's going to take a chance on me has to realize where I'm at and what needs to be done in my life. I basically need someone who's going to be sure to stand by me and if nothing else, help me along to what I need to do.

Like I said at the start, there have been a million things to write about, things I could describe, but because I haven't been sleeping well lately, I've been mad tired after work and have found myself lacking any motivation whatsoever to write.

That's not the only reason I haven't been writing either. I also have eased up because I became aware that a lot of people were reading what I was writing and I was starting to feel a little pressure to write all the time to cater to those people, give them something worth reading. It's not something I meant to do, but it happens and when it does, I eventually just do not want to write anymore.

Of course, we can't forget my obscene fascinations with both Southpark and Halo, two things that have sucked up huge amounts of time lately. Between watching the first three seasons of Southpark on DVD and running and gunning through Halo 2, I've felt very little reason to do anything else when I'm at home.

Finally, the weather's been warmer and when that happens, I tend to get a little restless and decide to get outside a little more.

Add all those things in with my already-shifted attitude towards the internet there for a while, and you have an interesting combination that adds up to me just not caring too much about the internet.

I almost forgot, there's still another reason why I haven't been online and that involves a typical guy thing: sports. The Cavaliers have been fun to watch and when they're playing, I just have to watch them. It's why I won't be online the nights they're playing. I simply have to watch them. There's an excitement in this city about basketball again, something I haven't felt since the days of Mark Price, Larry Nance, and Brad Daugherty.

So there are plenty of reasons why I haven't been writing.

My Halo fascination is borderline obsession however. I own both Halo and Halo 2 (the special edition version). I own the three books that flesh out the story. I own a book that outlines the making of Halo. I even own the soundtracks to both games. I simply cannot get enough of the game and I can't explain why. It could be because the games give you different ways to tackle the levels. It could be you feel tempted to try it on a harder difficulty to see just how good you are. Ten minutes on Heroic was enough to convince me that I needed more practice. It could be just how damn fun it is to play the game with a friend, narrowly avoiding killing each other as enemies swarm you. That reminds me, I still think it was hilarious when I stuck a plasma grenade on Mike on accident.

Equally scary is my Southpark fascination. I just can't get enough of that show right now and I don't know why. I always liked it, but now that I've had a chance to watch most of the episodes, I have a better understanding of just how absurd it is sometimes.

Just think too, I still haven't bought the extended version of "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King." Those who know me will remember how obsessed I was with the first two movies.

Ah...but getting back on point, I have been deprived of sleep lately. I simply have to get a better bed at some point. The air mattress is acceptable as a short term bed, but after a while, you realize why air mattresses haven't exactly swept the country over.

They get uncomfortable. They lose air. But most importantly, at least in my situation, they don't mix well with cats.

Kisa has single-handedly popped two mattresses and I'm sure is working on a way to pop this current one. Therefore, it becomes imperative that I find a solution to my bed situation with a cheap frame, box spring, and mattress that I can sleep on and possibly actually sleep well on.

Simply put, when it takes you an hour to find a position comfortable enough to fall asleep in, you may have an issue.

The end result is I don't sleep well, I wake up late for work, and by the time 9 rolls around at night, I'm too tired to think straight, much less do anything else.

I at least was finally able to get a couple new pairs of pants for work, something that has been needed for a while, even more so after I managed to find a way to rip a massive hole in the knee of one of my khakis.

No, I don't know how I pulled that off and I frankly do not wish to find out.

The weather this year has been very strange around here. For two months, it was a normal winter. We had plenty of snow, plenty of cold, and only a few brief breaks in the bitterly cold weather. Now that February has hit, we've had virtually no snow and several days that have been above 50 degrees. Of course, it's supposed to be colder the next few days, but not so much so that it will be unbearable.

It's just weird because even a couple weeks ago, it seemed for certain that this winter was going to be one of the snowiest on record, following in the footsteps of the last three. Yet that all changed right at the end of January.

We've even had the pleasure of seeing some sunshine lately, something that rarely happens in the wintertime in Ohio.

You'd think that with the nicer weather, people in general would be nicer, but that hasn't been the case. Whether it be customers or coworkers, there have been a number of flare-ups lately, and that has me slightly concerned.

Most of the time, it's over something stupid, particularly the problem we had between two coworkers last Thursday. It was a stupid argument and both sides showed a lack of maturity in handling the situation. This is kind of ironic too because both have been working longer than I've been alive.

Of course, neither of them were talking to each other yesterday and I don't expect that to change tomorrow. That's fine with me too since they both complain about each other excessively, yet would talk to each other like they loved one another. Well, at least until they went at it Thursday.

Naturally, Keith didn't seem to care about the issue, but that's probably because he has issues of his own to deal with. I hate to say this, but I don't feel too sorry for him either. He was always the one who was trying to dispense relationship advice out, yet here he is, facing a divorce situation. I kinda feel bad for him, but knowing how he talks about me when I'm not there, it's hard to feel too badly.

Then again, there's always something going on at work. It's amazing to me that I've managed to avoid any real serious conflicts, but maybe that's because I don't intentionally step on other people's toes to piss them off.

I guess I've had more important things to worry about than whether or not someone's happy with me or wants something from me at work.

The final thing I'm going to say is if anyone reads this, is on my buddy lists on any of my messengers, and sees my cell phone number in my away messages, you are allowed to call if you want. I wouldn't put it up if I felt concern over who might see it and I know some people have expressed interest in calling me (it is the easiest way to get a hold of me after all).

The bottom line with everything is I can not promise when I'll be writing and how frequently it will come. I try to write when I have time, but sometimes it's just not there. If I've let anyone down, I'm sorry, but I'm not here to try and please anyone. If I write, it's because I have something to say.

I just want everyone to remember I care about you guys. I won't turn my back on anyone for anything.