Monday February 21, 2005

My writing hasn't been up to par the last several weeks, that is, when I've actually bothered to write. I'm well aware of this, and while I am sorry, it's part of the ebb and flow of journal writing when you don't always have the time, energy, or focus to really write something worthwhile.

In essence, my brain has been scrambled for the last few weeks for a number of reasons. I just really haven't had a whole lot go my way lately and all of the things that were going on were weighing down in my mind, preventing me from really thinking well.

I also didn't want to write entry after entry of depressive slop like I've seen so many others do. There's only so much depressive writing that you can tolerate, especially when it's about something that really isn't too significant. Most journals out there are like that too. All the person writes about is how much their life sucks, how much they hate so and so, and how much they can't wait to go away and be somewhere else.

I've had my share of down moments, but I've never felt down enough to where I wanted to write about it a lot and make everyone try and feel my pain. Simply put, most of what I have been feeling has been minor, things that a day or two of solid rest would help alleviate.

I really haven't had the time off lately to rest, but I've been able to get some sleep at night for once, relax outside of work, and not allow things to build up any more than they already had.

I also didn't want to get into detail with what's been bothering me if I couldn't make it all clear enough for everyone to understand, especially when it involves work. I would have had to do a lot of explaining, something that takes time and effort, two things I had very little of for a long period of time.

There are also other things that I just choose to not write about because I do not want to reveal them in this type of forum. I'm open, but I'm not so much so that I allow every last little detail about me slip out. There are some things that I have to keep to myself, if only because I don't find them significant enough to warrant disclosing.

Ah, but there have been complaints. Most of the complaints have been that I haven't written enough. Well understood given how popular my writing has become over time, albeit reluctantly. Some have complained that I haven't said enough that was deep or significant. This tends to come from those who are used to me speaking out about something that's bothering me. I just haven't seen or heard much lately that's riled me up enough to warrant writing about. I'll still take some shots at people or whatever, but I'm not going to do it just for the sake of doing it, but rather because I feel justified in the attack.

I had one person say I wrote too much about sports. I found this funny because I rarely write about sports unless I feel really compelled to (and yes, there is an understanding that 90% of my visitors are female), and even then, I usually don't have much to say. However, to say I write too much about sports is a little extreme. I've only written three columns in the past several months that revolved around sports in the least.

Some might think that the complaints are a bad thing, but I don't. All that tells me is that people like reading what I have to say and are waiting for me to say more. I like feedback and I like knowing that someone reacted to what I wrote, even if it is negative.

That said, it must be remembered that this is a personal web site. I do tend to write what I feel like writing, not what I think others want to read. I've never been one to say or write things that I thought someone wanted to hear or read.

The bottom line is I write when I feel the need, urge, or inspiration to.

Now then, some things need to be explained that might help make you understand where the hell I've been for a while now.

Work has been nothing short of a zoo lately. Keep in mind this is after Walgreens opened up two minutes down the street. We have lost maybe 100-200 scripts a week total, which is pretty small when you're doing anywhere from 3000 to 3300 a week to begin with. In short, Walgreens has not hurt business, yet CVS treated our hours like it would so we've been left short-handed in the pharmacist overlap department since the beginning of the year.

What that means is that instead of having two pharmacist at all times during the day from Monday through Friday like we did since I had come to the store four years ago, we only have that situation on Monday and Friday. Tuesday through Thursday have very little overlap. That doesn't sound too bad except when you realize that my store has two drop-off stations. One is always open with either a tech or pharmacist while the other is open when the help is there to man it.

Follow me for a minute as I try to explain this. The way it works is one pharmacist HAS to be the one who checks all the prescriptions before they can be safe to leave to the store. When there are two pharmacists on duty, one checks and the other usually works the drop-off. I usually work the other drop-off during the day. Now, we're busy enough to need both drop-offs open most days of the week. Take away a pharmacist and that leaves me alone at drop-off.

It's not easy to do and you can be easily overwhelmed if you slack off at all. Basically, I spend a lot of time by myself entering prescriptions into the computer, fixing insurance rejections, and a few other minor things. That's the job of drop-off. It can be hard to keep up with two people working drop-off, nevermind one person alone.

That has led to a high level of exhaustion on my end when I get home from work. When I'm that tired, I don't deal with people well and don't talk too much. Add to that mix the fact that my head pharmacist Keith has been difficult to work with at times, and you have a very stressful work environment at times.

If any of this is confusing, feel free to scold me.

As much as I don't want to admit it, being single has also taken a little bit of a toll on me. It was mostly because of Valentine's Day, but it was also because I went through a stretch where I met a couple of girls who were interested at first, but they both ended up getting back with an ex-boyfriend. I wasn't so much unhappy over that happening as I was feeling like I just wasn't going to get any breaks at all. I've since stopped feeling that way and realize that the time will come.

In all honesty, my mood has been very good the last week or so. I haven't felt down, I haven't felt unhappy, and I'm generally happy with myself right now. I did my taxes, got a new free phone, and I've been able to make up ground on the debt that I have. My car needs some work, but it's nothing I need to rush.

I'm basically in great position to make one last run at school later this year.

I have goals to reach, things to do, and places I want to go. I know what I need to do and I intend on finally doing it.

There are other things that have prevented me from writing and getting online much. For one, I have to use the computer in my mom's room still and I just do not like using it much when she's home. I don't want to tie it up on her so I usually don't use it much unless she's at work.

I watch a lot of basketball, so anytime there's a good game on or the Cavs are playing, I'm not going to be online. I also have been into a couple of my video games as well, so that takes up my time.

All I can say is I'm sorry, but my life is not going to revolve around sitting online waiting for someone else to come online so I'm not bored anymore. The days where I'd sit online for hours and hours day after day are no more. I'm serious about it this time too.

I intend to spend more time outside this year. I intend to do the things I want to do, the things I need to do. I want to be in shape. I want to just do things different now and sitting in front of a computer screen will get in the way of those things. I'll still get on, but it won't be nearly as much as before.

Besides, I've already stated my preference for talking on the phone. It's why I have a cell phone after all.

For now, the goals for the internet are simple. I have a story to rewrite and begin posting on this site. I'm still contemplating a redesign of my site similar to what I tried with a site my sister had up briefly. I have sections to work on and things to consider removing.

I'm also going to run into space issues soon. It may just be mostly text, but some of my entries are large and take up substantial amounts of memory on the server. Now consider that I have over seven years worth of writing up, that adds up to a lot of space.

I still want to finish the section dedicated to "Mystery Science Theater 3000," but time will dictate when I finish that.

I also have other things that I'll need to say, but now's not the time. I do pay attention to the news and am aware of what's going on in the world. As much as it hurts, I watch some of the shit that's on tv. I do have opinions, even if they are rather hateful ones, on some of the crap that's out there.

For instance, the show on MTV about rich sixteen year-olds just makes me absolutely want to vomit. There's nothing like watching spoiled brats whine because they didn't get their way. I cannot stomach that kind of excess, especially when you realize how poor some people are. Some of those kids are pretty rotten too. The one who was upset because her credit card was canceled was the winner so far. I couldn't take watching her whine and had to change the channel after she found out she wasn't getting the new car she was "promised."

I got news for you honey: most of us "regular" people spend years trying to afford a low-end model car to get us around because we have no choice. We aren't going to feel too sorry for you because you didn't get the Land Rover you wanted.

Oh, and that goes for anything else in the show that didn't go the kids' way.

---

I went bowling last night with my friend Sarah. It was supposed to be with Lennie too, but the bastard decided that his homework was more important.

Can you imagine? Homework more important than going out with friends? Dude needs some help.

Anyway, I'm bad at bowling. I make five year-olds look good. I make the dead look good for that matter. Part of the problem is that my hands are small for a guy. As a result, the bowling balls I am capable of handling don't have holes that work with my fingers. One ball had holes that were just a little too small and the other's were too large.

We aren't even going to get into the sheer number of deep marks on the balls either.

For the most part, breaking 100 is decent for me. I struggled to do so most of the time because I couldn't get a good grip on the ball I was using. In the meanwhile, Sarah is doing her usual decent job of making me look even worse.

We aren't even going to discuss the game that she bowled 177 in. That was just sick. She started with four straight strikes while I was trying to keep my ball out of the gutter.

I had fun though. It was nice to get out for a little bit and just enjoy myself.

Of course, looking back on what I wrote, I've opened myself up to at least two dozen sexually-related jokes.

But hey, the balls were scuffed up pretty bad.

Oh, that could be taken the wrong way too.

Ahh, fuck it.