MY LIFE - MAY

Tuesday, May 2, 2000

And the week just keeps on moving along. I, on the other hand, would rather just sit in one place for a while and not have to move anywhere. Let's be frank, I'm tired right now. I'm not sleeping well, I'm thinking too much again, and I can't seem to get anything going in terms of energy. It just seems that I start the day off all right, but by the time I take my lunch at 4:30, I've had it with the world and everything in it. I tried to explain to Jacqui what was going on with me, but I couldn't think of anything. I just cannot pinpoint what the hell my deal is right now.

It's not like I'm having any kind of real struggle right now with anything. Things are about as calm as they can get right now. I'm not under any real stress, aside from the usual at work, yet I feel very uneasy. I spent all night trying to figure out what's going on with me. I thought that maybe Jacqui could see something, but she couldn't and that only made things more awkward. Then, out of the blue, it suddenly came to me what my big problem was.

My somewhat antisocial attitude. Now, let's get one thing straight. I'm antisocial. I don't like social events and I don't like large groups of people at all. I can handle people one at a time or in very small groups, but don't expect me to fit in with any crowd greater than four or five. It just ain't happening. Part of it is my mistrust of people in general, and the other part is my shyness. I just don't know how to talk with people at all.

Since we lost our daytime help last summer, I've gone full circle in attitude. This is rather simple to explain. Since we have little daytime help, I have to ring for three hours or so. That isn't a whole lot, but I'm not a people person in the least. The interaction has a very bad effect on me. Customers who come in are used to me being generally nice to them and giving them a good amount of attention when I'm in the pharmacy. However, when I'm on register, I'm just trying to get people the hell out of the store. I get so sick of people that my attitude becomes much worse and I'm generally a shit head the rest of the night.

I've got two choices in handling this. I can try and make a concentrated effort on improving my social behavior, which is nowhere near as easy as it might sound, or I can just continue to be an ass towards everyone. Now it seems to me that being an ass isn't going to get me very far at all, unless I meet people who like assholes. In reality, it's probably the quickest way for me to get myself in trouble and make legitimate enemies. Conversely, being a better person to everyone would make everyone around me happier and might improve my mood tenfold.

This would seem like a pretty clearcut choice to most people. I guess the answer is obvious. Time to learn how to be a more outgoing person. Let's see how long this takes before it backfires.

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I read a very interesting letter in a recent issue of Newsweek last week. Here's the letter:

"Get real, Newsweek. What will happen to the economy if parents like Donna Cornachio teach their children that life isn't about spending money and accumulating things? Yeah, OK, so the kids will grow up to be more sensible and have better lives, but we can't let details like that interfere with what's really important - making profits." Linda Sleffel.

Thank you Linda for reminding me what's wrong with the world in the first place. I think this letter is so absurd that it speaks for itself. Anyone who's watched the stock market over the last few weeks can probably agree that it doesn't always seem to be worth the potential heart attack. I do agree that the economy needs to stay strong, but you don't have to buy every damn item in every damn store to uphold that economy. Have we gone so far backwards with our ways that making profits is the only thing?

I'm sorry Linda, but you're dead wrong. Making profits isn't going to get you everything in the world. I'm sure people can argue that, but they can say whatever they want to say. This letter contradicts itself. Linda says that the kids would be more sensible and have better lives if they were taught money isn't everything. Then she practically asserts just the opposite, that money is everything.

Now which is it Linda? Or are you not sure? That would be my guess. I've got news for Linda though. Making profits isn't what's really important. Money isn't what's really important. It just isn't. It's a nice thing to have, but no one really needs all the luxuries that money provides. If you think you need everything, then you've got it all wrong. Sure, I may have some fairly expensive things, but I usually go a few weeks between spending money on leisure items. I don't buy new CDs that much. I don't go around buying every damn gadget out there just so I can look cool like everyone else. I don't have a cellphone. I don't have a brand new car.

I don't need those things. The few things I want in life are friends, a good job, and to have a fairly good time when I have free time. I don't want to spend seven days a week working my ass off so that I can go out and buy more stuff. It just isn't necessary. It isn't going to kill the economy either. I don't care for stock options either. When I get through with school, I'm not going to go around looking for the best stock options when choosing a job, nor am I going to go berserk over the pay. I'm going to work where it's best for me. I just can't see it being very rewarding to be miserable working for great pay.

That is unless you're planning to stockpile an arsenal of weapons to take the neighborhood out with you when you completely lose it. But I digress.

No, I don't agree with Linda. She's allowed to have her point of view, but it's that point of view that's messed us up to begin with. Let's get over this greed bug before it gets over us.