Saturday, July 31, 2004
I can't help but wonder where this month went. I can't help but wonder what the hell happened that made this month so, well, interesting. I can't help but wonder if things will ever be completely stable in my life.
I say this because as I write this, I wonder about Jessica and her friend who's in the hospital. Without going into details that I have no right to talk about, it leaves me on edge, not because it cuts into possible time with Jessica, but because it puts a strain on her and as is the case with most of us, there's enough strain already.
It's really a helpless position I'm in too. There really isn't anything I can do to help, even though I sit here and want to be able to do something, anything, to let Jessica know I'm there for her. She knows what she can do if she needs me, but unless she comes to me, I can only sit and wait to see how things turn out.
This month really wasn't good at all save for meeting Jessica. Things fell apart in a sense between Molly and me in a rather ugly way, a way that should never have happened. Work became more stressful when it was discovered that Jim was being transferred to the Hinckley store.
It was just a shitty month, wasn't it?
I don't feel like dwelling on those aspects though. Enough has already been said on the things that went bad and I don't wish to continue to write about negative items in my life. I've done enough of that over the last seven years of this site's existence to make a therapist want to smack the shit out of me.
There were good things that came out of the last month. I met Jessica, of course. Sarah realized how good a friend I can be. I realized I was a valuable asset at work despite the problems. My fried Mike was promoted to assistant manager (at long last too). My mom finally began pulling money in that she not only deserved, but needed.
So for every moment I've had where I wanted to strangle a sister or two for not helping with keeping the house at least somewhat clean, there's been a moment of happiness. For every moment I wanted to just yell at Keith, there was one more dirty joke from Jim. For every moment I wanted to just scream concerning Molly, there were the times I was with Jessica.
I hate being considered a complainer. Yet most of this site is just that and there really isn't a way around it, but yet I feel like I could at least do better. As I wrote two days ago, there are people with worse situations than mine, so while I may be unhappy at times, it could be a whole lot worse.
The problem with me is I could be overly critical of myself again, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I know it's human nature to complain, to want more, and to be envious of those who have what I want, but when is it okay and when is it overbearing?
We live in a hypocritical society. There's no doubt about that one. Politicians talk big, but rarely back it up. People always talk about what they'd do if they struck it rich, but what really happens when you fall into money? You buy every little thing you want and then some. Yes, there are exceptions, those of us who truly are as we say we are and not false representations of self.
We live in a society that praises and supports those who look good, admonishes and hates on those who don't. We live in a country where accountability isn't required, judging by the number of people who try to blame others for weight problems, smoking, and other issues.
We live in materialism. It's there and always will be there. I would be lying if I said that I wouldn't buy the things I wanted if I fell into a large sum of money. You and I know both know damn well that I'd buy the things I wanted first, then would decide what to do with what was left over.
However, what sets the materialistic apart from those of us who aren't isn't whether or not we'd buy something, it's the reason we buy it. It's one thing if you buy a tv because you want one for your room or a larger one. It's a different story if you just buy it because it's the newest one out.
It's the same thing with cars. The people I can't stand are the ones who have six cars and don't drive them. Just what's the point? I'm sorry, but if I spend any amount of money on a car, I'm getting my money's worth out of it. That thing isn't there for decoration in my driveway. It's there to drive.
Maybe I'm just tired, but things have just been wearing on my mind. I see all these girls who won't even look at a guy unless he's well-built, charming, and has money, but is a complete asshole at times. It sickens me because these same girls constantly complain how they can't find a decent guy. Well duh. A guy isn't decent based on how much money he has, how big his muscles are, or how charming he is. It's based on how he treats others.
It works the other way too. Too many guys will just try and get with the girls who look like models, are super-skinny, and other assets that make them noticeable. I don't know about you, but when it comes to looks, the last time I checked, a girl's face is much more important than her chest size, waistline, or anything else.
Again though, everything has to be balanced by personality. If a girl looks great but is a bitch, it just isn't going to work.
Jessica is a prime example of what I like in a girl. She's attractive, she's smart, but most of all, she's caring. Her personality compliments how she looks and that's what has won me over.
I also find it incredibly stupid when a guy or girl won't date someone unless they buy clothes from a certain clothing store. Who really gives a flying fuck where I get my clothes or what kind of clothes I like to wear? Do you think I'm going to start going to Hollister because some cute girl thinks I should? I don't think so. Not only does that not matter to me in the least, but having a problem with how I dress isn't going to win me over anytime soon, nor is it going to make me change.
I wear what I like, when I like. Deal with it or move on.
In any case, the month is over. Finished. Kaput. One more month until fall is back and it gets cool again.
It's just hard to believe that summer's drawing to a close soon.
I think I used most of my energy at work today, bouncing around and cracking jokes. I was just so slap-happy though, I couldn't help it. Now I'm tired, but not sleepy-tired and I'm going to pay for it tomorrow when it comes time to get out of bed.
I was on a roll at work though. When Cora called to let me know she was going to be late, I didn't know it right away. When she asked me "what's up," I responded with "I hope you are."
I guess she thought it was funny. Jean thought it was too, probably because of how I said it and when I said it.
At some point there was also a discussion on a doctor's office that had called in a script and wasn't going to give any directions for the patient. When Keith asked them about the directions, they said to have the patient take it the same way as last time. Keith said it didn't work that way.
I chimed in saying that we should just grab some dice, roll them, and whatever number comes up, that's how many tablets the patient should take.
Jean was amused, Keith wasn't.
The best moment came when some woman was in line waiting to pick up her script. Well, I don't know about you, but if a woman is in our store, is wearing a thin shirt of any kind, and isn't wearing a bra, it's pretty obvious. This was beyond obvious. It was so bad it was like an eclipse. I knew I shouldn't have looked, but I did anyway.
However, I'm way off point. Keith must have noticed too because she shot out from the checking station to help this woman out. Real smooth move too, I might add, given he is married.
All I did was stand next to Jean and out of the blue muttered "he's only helping her because she isn't wearing a bra."
Now, when you're working and someone just comes up next to you and says that, it has a tendency to be surprising. Jean started laughing so hard that she had to take a timeout to recover. I didn't mean to do that to her, but I couldn't help but say something.
This is common with Keith though. If the woman is attractive in any way, he's right there to help her out. If it's any other customer, he just ignores them. I find it funny because I wouldn't do that. If anything, I shy away from it because I don't want it to seem like I'm giving preferential treatment to a customer just because she might be hot.
It's just not right, but maybe it's me.
Tonight was another night where I wasn't going to write. Actually, there was a point when I did have something to write about, but Jessica's situation made me forget about it and focus on what was going on with her.
As it stands, I think I was pretty close to the topic with what I wrote about materialism and such. But then again, I can't remember what I was going to write about so I'm probably completely wrong, especially since I talked about the same thing the other night.
As a side note, I did finally update the formats to the archive pages in this section of the site, bringing them up to date with the rest of the site. The entries themselves will not be changed. I simply have too many to try and go through to update. It would take weeks and I have enough on my plate as it is.
In any case, if you ever have a moment, go through the archives and read the older entries. I can't stress enough how useful they are in getting to understand me and the evolutions I've gone through over the years.
Not to mention their value as a sleep-aid.
One final note, I want to encourage people to share their opinions with me on anything they read in this site. E-mail me, im me, or sign my guestbook. I appreciate comments and input as it only helps me understand how people feel about me and this site.
I am also still interested to see if anyone is willing to contribute a column or entry of some sort as well. Never hurts to have some outside voices in here now and then.
The last thing I want to add is that I'm going to be researching something for a future series of columns. It concerns an area youth who died in a strange series of events, but this youth wasn't just any youth. He was a star high school football player.
You'll understand when I write the columns.
Tribe Watch 2004
Today's Game
Cleveland Indians, 3
Kansas City Royals, 10
Summary
This game was lost in the fourth inning when the defense fell apart, committing two errors to allow five unearned runs across, turning a 3-2 lead into a 7-3 deficit and the Royals never looked back. The Indians six game winning streak against the Royals was snapped and the Royals also snapped a seven-game overall losing streak.
Game Notes
Defensive miscues continue to be the bane of the team as the Indians have committed four errors in two games, nearly costing them last night and costing them tonight...C.C. Sabathia goes for the Indians tomorrow to try and take the series from the Royals and push the Indians back to three games over .500.
Record
53-51; 3rd place; 5.5 games back
| Dave's World | Come Again? | Commentary | The Escape Pod | Me, Myself, and I |