Tuesday, September 28, 2004

It's been nearly three weeks since I changed my screen name and decided to not make so much of the people I meet online. Three weeks to try a different approach. Three weeks to basically not write or go online as much as I had.

The dust has settled, "wservo9a" is a distant memory, and the end result is now in focus.

Not a whole lot has changed, although the new "make friends first, worry about dating" approach has maybe made things a little different, I still really haven't run into any people who have embraced me completely. One has said she wants to meet me, but I'm not sure if it's going to happen. Calling her has yielded, well, no answer to this point, nor has she called me back yet.

Another has a huge trust issue and has said she doesn't know when she'd really trust me, although I feel like I've made solid progress on her. She's almost ready to talk to me on the phone.

So in a way, the internet is still my comfort zone for meeting people. It isn't my comfort zone for talking and getting to know people anymore. I guess I'm too intimate a person now to really do that. I like listening to someone's voice, hear the emotion, feel what they have to say rather than read it on my screen.

Whether anything comes out of any of these situations remains to be seen. One girl seemed interested in me, but I've had that change in a hurry in the past. The lack of a return phone call is something that bothers me, so I don't know what to make of that. I also don't know if she was genuine with me. Outside of that first night, I haven't really had a chance to talk to her. She may have just said things that she thought I wanted to hear. I don't know and I don't want to jump to any conclusions. I'll know soon enough if she's legitimately interested in me.

The other girl that I've talked to a lot lately is an interesting one to me. She's obviously been hurt badly recently, but what it is, I don't know. She won't tell me. She has serious trust issues right now and I don't know if she's going to trust me anytime soon. I would hope so because she does seem like a nice girl behind the heavy guard she's put up, but I don't know.

She fascinates me though because she's shown signs that the guard she's put up is starting to crack a little with me. The other night she thought I was an old guy who was trying to sweep her off her feet. Lucky for me, I had my web came and I could snap off some pictures to prove who I was. I think she appreciated the effort.

Then yesterday she admitted that she did like me, that she wanted me to ask her things so I could know her better. So there is some progress being made. Keep in mind I'm not trying to be a player or anything like that. My first goal with any girl I talk to is to be friends with that girl and eventually hang out with her. It's when I'm with a girl that I might have a better idea if something's meant to be.

The worst that can happen is that I become friends with any of the girls that I meet and have a good time. At least that's how I figure. Everything else is a bonus, such as dating one of the girls. That's not what I'm after though. I can't be going after that with any of these girls. We have to be able to be friends first, then go from there.

I know that I haven't written much in here of late. I know that I've been on at times, but frankly, I haven't felt that the things happening were worth writing about. I haven't met a girl that's made me want to date her yet. I haven't hung out with anyone new. I've gone out with Sarah a couple of times, but the things that happen when I go out with my friends are things that stay with me.

Speaking of Sarah, she's an enigma to me. She says she just wants to go out, have fun, and not worry about dating, yet at the same time, she's always on the lookout for a new guy it seems.

I want to ask her if she knows what she wants right now, but I don't think that she does. I think she says she does as an attempt to show that she's in better shape than she actually is. There's a lot of conflict in her, a lot of things she wishes were different, but rather than admit those things and try and change what she doesn't like, she puts on a smile and acts like everything's good.

I do know she drinks too much. I know she wants to have fun, but I can't help but think that sooner or later, something's going to happen to her and I could risk losing a friend that I don't want to lose.

Other things that have happened since I last wrote? Evin's walking now. It's pretty amazing to me how quickly he's started to walk and how much better he gets each time.

More or less, it's been the same old same old, so I haven't really felt the need to write anything of late.

In essence, the more things change, the more they've stayed the same.

Imagine that.