Thursday, September 30, 2004

I've been keeping a pretty regular journal over on another site for a while now, but haven't been writing in here much. Part of it is I haven't wanted to reveal things in this site, which is read by more people who know me, while revealing them in the other site, which is read by more strangers.

What is known is I was talking to a couple of girls, polar opposites from each other really. One girl, Liz, is outgoing, friendly, and is a really great girl. The other, Lisa, isn't as revealing and seems to be scarred by some recent even in her life. She made it clear from the get-go that earning her trust was going to take time.

Lisa, to be honest, is the one I'm most interested in. Both girls are attractive and easy to talk to, but Lisa's the one I seem to have more in common with in many areas. Our conversations, while sometimes up and down depending on how she's feeling, have been good and informative. I've learned a lot about her that I didn't expect to learn and I feel like I've made at least a favorable impression on her.

It's her that I've focused on the last three days and her that has my attention. I feel like she's a girl that will be very sweet to know, someone who would be worth trying to be around to see how things go. And to my surprise, she's revealed more to me than I expected.

I know she's conflicted though. One conversation showed that to me. One minute, she was talking about how I made her smile, the next she's accusing me of trying to basically play some game. It caught me off guard and it was tense for a moment, but then she apologized and explained why she had done that out of the blue. Before she signed off, she sent an aol greeting where she apologized again.

That said a lot to me, but not just because it was a nice gesture. It told me she was going through something that was affecting her pretty badly and reaffirmed to me that patience was going to be needed in dealing with her.

The very next time we talked, she surprised me again by letting me have her cell number and had me call and leave a message so she could hear my voice. We didn't actually talk on the phone that night or the next, but I could sense she was starting to feel more comfortable with me. It was a huge step and it made me feel like she was starting to believe what I was telling her.

That was nothing compared to what occurred next though. While we were talking, I somehow got onto talking about how I had to work a bunch of days in a row, but should have a weekend off coming up, not this weekend, but next. There was a bit of a pause, small talk, and then she asked me which weekend it was again. I told her, then there was another long pause.

I didn't think anything of the pause, figuring she was either on the phone for a moment or some other reason.

I had no idea how wrong I was.

She started to ask me something along the lines of "maybe we could" and the she stopped and said nevermind, that it was my job. I had a feeling what she was getting at, but I tried to get her to elaborate. Of course, she wasn't going to do so, so I took a chance and asked her if she wanted to get together sometime next weekend. I thought she'd say no or that that wasn't what she was getting at.

For once, being wrong was a good thing. She said yes. She also said we'd decide exactly what to do and where on the phone sometime in the next week and then asked if I was happy. I was, obviously since I wasn't expecting that to happen, but I also told her that I was surprised.

The conversation ended with her telling me to call her the next day after 9 so we could talk and I suppose get used to each other's voices. That point has come and gone and I feel more and more that she at least realizes that I've been honest with her. I don't know what she's thinking, but she didn't give the impression that she was scared of me at all.

It wasn't a long conversation, but it was good and we seemed to click a little bit. I could be completely wrong about this, but I don't think I am. She has a nice voice and I think that we'll have a good time together.

Who knows? Maybe we'll click in person too. I can't get to ahead of myself though. I'm still dealing with a girl that went through something very bad and is subject to her mood shifting suddenly. It's something that I have to accept and deal with and I'm willing to do so. She seems like she'd be worth the effort to this point.

I just have to stay patient and not try and get too far ahead of myself.

As it is, she did sound like she wanted to talk to me more later on and hinted that if I wasn't online, she'd call me. I think her exact words were "call you and wake you up," but I could be mistaken.

The thing that I want with her is for her to feel comfortable talking to me. I want her to be able to call me whenever she wants to talk and not worry that she'll tell me something that she'll regret. Again, it's going to take time.

I think we're on the right track though.

---

Well, let's face it. The Browns' season is pretty much a disaster already. They had that great 20-3 win over Baltimore to open the season, but it's been bad since.

The offense just hasn't clicked, although you can't fault Jeff Garcia or William Green for that. When it takes the offensive line until the second half to get it together, it just doesn't work. Nor do turnovers when you're driving. It just hasn't been pretty and it's taxing the defense, which has played well despite the shortcomings it's had lately.

We won't even talk about the injuries. Kellen Winslow's gone for the year. Gerard Warren's hurt. Courtney Brown's done for the year. Brant Boyer's done for the year. Daylon McCutcheon, our best cornerback, is hurt. At least Lee Suggs will be back next week to help the offense.

All this does is tell me that the Indians and the Cavs are closer to being good teams than the Browns, but the Cavs are ineptly run. Who else would let Carlos Boozer out of his contract so he could sign a bigger one with another team? I despise Boozer for what he did, but I can't blame him either. I also realize Gordon Gund, the owner, had a big hand in this. It's just beyond explanation though.

It just means that the Indians are the team to watch in this town. I really wish they hadn't fallen apart like they did in August because they had a shot at the division before the slide began. However, it was still a great season and gave me a lot of hope for the future. The offense was good without needing to hit a lot of homeruns, the defense will improve, and the pitching has a lot of potential. They could be a very good team next season.

It also doesn't hurt that Mark Shapiro seems to know what he's doing. All those people who screamed about the trades he made, look at the results. The players we picked up have shown great growth and talent, such as Grady Sizemore, Brandon Phillips, and Cliff Lee, while the players traded away have basically fallen off. Bartolo Colon is a shadow of his former self and Robbie Alomar can't stick with anyone now. Hmm. Imagine that.

Look at the team and tell me they can't be good. Victor Martinez and Travis Hafner had break-out seasons. Ben Broussard showed he could be a clutch guy when given a chance. Coco Crisp is hitting .300 and has provided a defensive spark. Casey Blake, while not spectacular, has been solid all season long. That's just the regulars. The guys from the minors, such as Sizemore, Phillips, and Jhonny Pheralta had monster years and showed that they can play at the Major League level.

This team is going to make another run next year. Count on that.

---

I have come to realize that if I'm going to get a new car, it isn't going to be until next year, probably in the summer or end of the summer. I owe too much on my car still and the way I figure, if I just fix up what's wrong with it (which isn't as much as I probably think it needs), it'll be just fine. I like my car.

Besides, I hate dealing with dealerships. The guys are all friendly until they think that you may not actually buy a car. Then they become complete assholes who seem to want nothing more than to get rid of you.

This also gives me a chance to decide on what I want anyway.

Not much else is going on. Evin has a cold, but he seems to be doing much better than he has been doing. My mom's working a lot and is basically caught up with what she owed, now she can finally start doing things to fix this house up more and get going again.

I just have to handle my own and everything will be fine.

---

I find it hard to believe that September's over and that tomorrow is the first day of October. I'm intending on writing more about this tomorrow in the message section of the main page, but I just am in disbelief that the year is going by so quick.

In 30 days, I'll be a year older. It's just hard to believe that my birthday is so close. I'm going to be 24 this year and once again, I have to sit and evaluate where I'm going with everything in my life. I know what I want to accomplish and am aware of what I need to do to get to that point, but at some point I have to actually do those things.

That's been my biggest flaw in my life. Not doing what I need to do, or waiting until it's too late. I can't keep doing that. No girl is going to ever want to date a guy who doesn't handle his shit, no matter how thoughtful anyone may find me.

I am glad that it's fall though. I had such a shitty summer that it's almost a relief and I like this time of year. I like winter too, although that tends to change once you get to February and you can't stand it any longer. I'm looking forward to it all this year though.

I don't think I can really explain why either. I don't think I can find the words right now.

It's just a relief.