Sunday, December 26, 2004

Don't make me. Three words that can be used to begin a sentence for any number of situations. Three words that can imply a feeling of irritation, anger, or even sarcasm depending on the context they're used in.

Three words that can be fun. For example, saying don't make me come after you after your friend just threw a piece of food at you.

Or three words that can be menacing, such as don't make me come over there after someone said something insulting.

I am going to use them in a variety of ways. See if you can figure out if I'm serious or being a smartass.

Don't make me read another journal filled with angst, particularly of the teenage variety. Nothing more annoying than reading how unhappy a spoiled teen is because their parents won't let them do whatever they like.

Don't make me read another story on Iraq. Haven't we done enough damage over there? When are we going to learn that the more we interfere, the worse things seem to get.

Don't make me feel sympathy for those who do not deserve it. If you made the mess, it's on you to make things right, not go fishing for sympathy from others.

Don't make me listen to any kind of pop music. I'm sorry, but that just does nothing for me.

Don't make me listen to why President Bush has been a good president. I'll automatically assume you've been smoking crack.

Don't make me watch what you consider to be ground-breaking television. I'm sure all of those shows are great, but I'm a guy. Let's be real for a minute. There's a good chance you're making me miss a Cavaliers game.

Don't make me listen to your reasons why you hate living in Cleveland, Ohio, or anywhere else in the midwest. Why? I personally like it here so I really don't care that you're unhappy with where you're currently living at.

Don't make me listen to why you think I should do this or that with my appearance. I appreciate the feedback on what people think I should do, however, it doesn't mean that I'm obligated to do it. I know what I need to work on, not you.

Don't make me listen to another long-winded speech on how it's easy to have confidence. If it were that easy, there wouldn't be depression in this world. It isn't and for most of us, it's a struggle to even feel a little bit confident.

Don't make me feel like I'm important if I'm really not that important. More specifically, don't act like you give a shit when you really don't, don't talk to me when you really don't want to, and don't pretend that you care.

Don't make me think things are bad for you when they aren't. I really don't understand why some people do that.

Don't make me think something's terribly wrong, only to find out the problem is something incredibly minor. I don't like spending a significant amount of time listening to someone when it's not a real problem.

Don't make me smell your lotion. Now really, what makes you think I care? I like when a girl smells good, but I don't need tubes of anything shoved in my face.

Don't make me listen to long-winded speeches about how this or that is bad for me or how I shouldn't do this or that. I appreciate the concern, but frankly, what I choose to do is my own decision and I don't need others telling to stop something.

Don't make me listen to you talk about how Cleveland is a bad place to live. It's not the best, no, but it's my home and I'm fiercely loyal to this city and its people. We are not bad people because we live here so give it up already.

There are probably more things I could say, but I don't feel like running through them all.

Some are serious things, some aren't, but all are things that I don't care for.

Perhaps the most annoying is the teen-angst journal thing. I can understand how you might feel because I went through the same thing as a teenager. I didn't like the rules that my mom had. I didn't think a lot of things were fair. I didn't always think I had a fair shake, but you know what? There were reasons for those things.

It just bugs me when I read the journal of some teenager who's complaining about their parents, school, or anything else that's just a normal part of life. There are cases where the complaints are valid, when the journal makes a good case, but a lot of times, it's just a bunch of horseshit.

The teens out there facing real problems and real issues, you guys are okay. I'm talking about the teens who are already spoiled beyond belief, have things that most other teens don't have, have freedom that others don't have, yet complain anyway.

I love when they complain about how rough their lives are. They have no idea that it only gets more difficult once you're out of high school. It doesn't get easier, it gets harder. Yes, you may have more freedom, but you face more consequences for abusing that freedom. When you're under 18, if you get in minor trouble, you only get the equivalent of a slap on the wrist at most. If you're over 18, the situation changes. Jail can come into play depending on how serious the situation is and your parents have no obligation to bail you out of trouble anymore.

The responsibility becomes greater, so most of you should feel grateful to be in the position you're in.

Then again, I know I did a lot of complaining back when I was a teen. I thought a lot of things were unfair too, so maybe I don't have a right to say anything. Maybe it's more funny than anything else.

Who's to say really?

It's the day after Christmas and it just feels weird to me today for some reason. Maybe it's the fact that I know I have to go back to work tomorrow and I don't really feel like it. Maybe it's because I only received one present, but it's something I really needed in my room.

Maybe it's the realization that I have to wait at least a week to have a chance to talk to Leslie again. Now I'm not saying that I feel like I'm going to miss her badly or anything, but I am a little fond of her. She's shown herself to be real easy to talk to and has shown she likes talking to me too. I still can't shake that face she made when I told her I wasn't working with her much over Christmas Eve and Day.

Whatever the case, I know we'll talk when she gets back, I just don't know exactly when that is.

The weather around here is still pretty cold, although it's warmer than it was a couple days ago. Strange thing is, we picked up a couple more inches of snow last night and today, yet in a few days, it's supposed to be in the 40's. Then it's supposed to rain next weekend, which means all this snow will start to melt, making a huge mess.

I'm not too worried about it. The only thing I wonder about is if I'm going to have plans on New Year's Eve or not. This is the first time I might really have a chance to go out, but I don't know what's going to happen.

There is something bothering me right now. One girl I was supposed to meet during this time period has made no effort to get in contact with me or return calls. As usual, I have no idea what the problem is, but like others who've done this, I'm not going to sit around and wait to find out. If she chooses to go that route, it's her loss in my eyes.

There are two others who immed me out of the blue recently who've reverted to not talking to me as well. One is someone I have tried repeatedly to get a hold of, tried to talk to, but seems to have no interest in getting back to me. I thought maybe that had changed when she immed me out of the blue a couple weeks back, but since then, there's been nothing. The other is a strange situation. She immed me once claiming to be happy to have a chance at getting to know me, then blocked me for a couple weeks. Suddenly she immed me again and claimed to not know what had happened, then said she was happy to talk to me again, only to then not talk again.

I don't think I have to remind everyone how much that bothers me. I don't really care, but don't waste my time with trivial comments if you aren't going to actually have a good conversation with me. There are those on my buddy list who are great at talking and are people I love talking to. There are others though who aren't so great and end up wasting my time.

None of these are major issues, and given the situation I have going with Leslie, are of minor concern. If anything, it's a nuisance to have a window pop up on screen from someone who doesn't really have much interest. The simple fact is if you aren't going to talk to me, you aren't going to stay on my buddy list.

If I take you off my buddy list once and you im me again, fine. If it happens twice, I may not be so nice if you im me again.

I'm not going to be jerked around by people anymore.

You can call me mean, you can assume I'm unhappy, the fact is I'm just done dealing with people who aren't serious about being friends with me. Truth of the matter is I'm in a good mood, I feel good, and generally, I have a good time talking with most people.

Which brings me to this. Last night I had a long conversation with a girl who immed me to say Merry Christmas, someone I had initially talked to a little while back. She said she hadn't talked to me because she felt the first time we talked she was bothering me. We ended up having a real long conversation and it was a lot of fun.

She had read some of my site and said that I was a lot like her in how I thought and later told me that she thought I was perfect. For the record, this is the second time in the last week that a girl I talked to online said that about me. Before anyone goes around claiming that I'm getting a big head about this, let me say that I do not think I'm perfect. I think I'm far from it.

It is an honor to know that there are girls out there who might think that of me, and I know I've felt that a girl I was talking to was perfect, but it's all in the eye of the beholder. I may be perfect to one girl, but to the next, I'm as unperfect as they come.

I don't want to be perfect either. If I were to think I was perfect, what incentive would I have to be a better person? What incentive would I have to improve myself, to continue to work on things about myself? It's like a sport athlete. If an athlete thinks they're perfect, it can make them lax in their training, practicing, and ultimately, their sport overall. If Michael Jordan thought he was perfect early in his career, would he ever have become the athlete he became? I doubt it.

I like hearing that a girl thinks I'm perfect, but I know I'm not. I'm not the most confident sometimes. I don't have that great body that girls like. I don't have the most engaging personality sometimes. There are girls who won't care about those things, who will only care about how I treat them, that I can make them laugh, and that I'd do anything to keep them happy, but there girls out there where that wouldn't be enough.

I can change my physical appearance. I actually have worked on trying to make myself a little stronger, have a better body. I've worked on being a more outgoing personality. I've worked on my confidence because those are all things I can control. I don't do it to make myself more appealing to one specific girl, but because I want to. I don't do anything to try and appeal to any one girl. I've done that before and it ended up biting me in the ass.

What I have to get by on right now is my personality. I know that's my strength, but as long as I'm shy, a lot of girls are never going to see that. They're going to base their impression of me on how I look, and unless I can become more outgoing, that's all they'll have to go by.

I can be a better person. Some of you might not agree, but if I didn't feel that way, if I didn't feel a desire to be better, what would I have to strive for?

The answer is simple, not a whole lot.

This week has a chance to be a long week. I have to work the next four days, then I'm off two days but being another holiday weekend, there's a good chance that I won't accomplish a whole lot this week.

I at least have had a chance to rest a lot and try and get this infection out of my system. I only have two more days of antibiotics to go, so hopefully this is over and done with for good soon. It will make everything a whole lot easier.

I'll just do my best to be a pain in the ass at work and go from there.

You gotta do what you do best, right?