MY LIFE - FEBRUARY 1999

February 22, 1999

Today must have been one of those days for me when I just have a general disinterest in school, in people, in everything. Then again, I was a bit out of it from my medication. No one ever tells you about the real side affects, just the "normal" ones. Anyway, I just didn't seem to have a good day at first and I was really cranky for a good part of the day. Dammit, I'm moody again.

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Would it kill the school to at least have the parking lot somewhat cleared out before we arrive at school? Students are already bad at parking with the lines visible, but take away the lines and it's every car for itself out there. I thought that I had parked really bad, but when I came to my car before going home, I found I was the only one in the row who was in an actual parking spot. That was a really good guess on my part.

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There's this one kid in my ecology class, Phil, who just drives me up a wall. He just never shuts up. He also dyed his hair blonde, and since he's black, he looks ridiculous. It just doesn't look right. I just wish he would calm down a bit. Ritalin anyone?

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I remember once thinking that it would be really cool to have an earing in my ear. Disregard that I was about 14 at the time and I thought that everything that my best friend did was the coolest. Thank the lord that my mom never let me do that. I would look just silly with a pierced ear. I mean, I wouldn't look just bad, I'd look stupid.

Now I'm waiting for him to ask if I want to get a tatoo with him.

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Everyone keeps complaining about how cold it is right now in Brunswick. It's not cold right now, not in my mind. Cold is just not how I would describe it outside. No, it's not cold, it's frigid! I swear, I expect to see polar bears outside my house when I go to start my car in the morning. Why don't we just throw our snowshoes on and go for a trek in the wilderness. Watch that guy's beard freeze with icicles hanging down. Let's have some fun with this frigid weather.

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I think Crystal (my co-worker) is serious about moving to West Virginia. She keeps bringing it up around me, almost like she's expecting me to say something that will convince her to stay. However, I feel just the opposite. If moving to WV will help her start things anew, then I say that she should do it. Get out of this hell that she's living in right now and start a new life with new friends. I think that's what she wants to hear in a way. She's afraid of moving away from things and then winding up in the same position as she is now. At least, that's what I think. Which is understandable. But if moving out there will change her life for the better, then she should do it.

What I also think she's looking for is for certain people, including myself, to step up and say that she has things great here. It's almost like she wants to hear something else from me when we talk about it. I told her straight up though. I would love it if she didn't move and we stayed friends. But I wouldn't feel right about putting my needs ahead of hers. I told her what would make me happy is if she did what would make her happy, not everyone else. That's what she needs to do. Say the hell with those who want her to stay just for their own sake. I told her to do what's right in her heart, not someone elses.

She then asked me what I would do. I told her if I was in her position, I'd move, no questions asked. She just kind of gave me a look of understanding before going to smoke a cigarette. I don't know what to do about her. I care about her, but I just want her to do what's best for herself.