MY LIFE - MARCH

March 22, 1999

The whole day was dampened by the cloud of grief hanging over the entire high school in the wake of finding out the Towslee Principal Bill Parschens was dead for still unknown reasons. Even I, who never knew the man, felt a bit upset over it, mainly because in all honesty, he sounded like a great man who was deserving of all the respect that he had. The news was tough enough to take the first time it was heard. Today though, you could see the grief in some people's eyes, especially in some of the teachers who knew him personally.

How does a community so deeply affected by this move on? How do we pick up the pieces collectively and get our lives going? Not very easily it seems. What makes this thing even more harrowing was the fact that he had just proposed to his secretary recently. Imagine how she feels about this. She has to be devastated. One day she's slated to be married to this man, the next day he's gone and no one knows what happened. She has to be a mess right now.

It's obvious that this guy touched a lot of lives. Students at Towslee are reportedly just distraught over this. This was a person who kids just loved and trusted. Balloons and flowers now litter the bushes that spell out "Towslee" outside the school. Counselors were brought in to help the kids deal with this, but realistically, how much can we actually do for these kids. How do you explain to a kindergartener that their principal, often a person they have admiration for, is gone forever? How do you explain that this person won't ever be coming back or be there to watch them grow up anymore? There are just so many questions with no real answers right now.

I guess right now, all we can do is shrug our shoulders and ask God why the good ones always seem to be the ones to go. Bill, you will be missed, even by those like me who never knew you.

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This day has been so ladden with emotion though. My first class went as scheduled, but my second period teacher took several minutes to talk about Bill's death. We wound up watching movies and just kind of wasting the day away. My third period teacher postponed the test because of the emotional strain. The rest of the day went as scheduled, but things still felt odd. Like something was wrong or missing. I can't really explain that either.

Work moved along smoothly with little or no talk about that. Rather, much of the night was spent goofing off and having fun, which was a tremendous break from the grip of grief that people have been under. Right now though, that feeling has returned. Can it be that someone touched so many lives, that with his death, he's touched even more? Is what he did in life and his committments touch me in a way that can't be described? Or am I just feeling normal human emotions over a death? I don't really know that answer.

I just know that I don't feel right inside.

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I have this feeling that my ear infection is still lingering with me. I've been having these funny feelings inside of my ear, which leads me to believe that it's still infected and that I may have to go on something stronger to get rid of it. I feel this way because I still have congestion, I still have a cough, and I have this weird feeling in my left ear, similar to what I had when I went to the doctor's and was found to have an infected left ear.

I just know that this cough and congestion have been driving me up the wall lately. I usually get over things much faster than I have been lately, and it makes me wonder if my body's once again resistant to some antibiotics. I'm already allergic to certain forms of penicillins, such as amoxicillin, and who knows? I could be developing a reaction to zithromax with the number of times I've been on it lately. But I'm not sure yet.

I'll just have to take this one day at a time and hope that it clears up.

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I so desperately want to talk about something light-hearted and funny to try and break this cloud of sadness, but I just can't bring myself to do it. The events of the past weekend have just made it difficult. First there's the complication with my meeting with Jennifer (which is no one's fault) and then there's the death of Bill. The whole weekend had a shadow cast over it, which only made it fitting that Sunday was cloudy and a bit snowy at times.

Hopefully the rest of the week will get brighter as we get closer and closer to spring break, which begins on April 1. Just no more people dying, and I'll be happy.