MY LIFE - JUNE 1999

Saturday, June 26, 1999

Today was actually a very pleasant day, especially at work. It seemed that since it was my last day before my vacation kicked in, no one really cared what I did or what happened during the day at all. It also seemed that most of us at work were in at least decent moods, which meant that there was very little anger or bitterness expressed during the day. Even my allergies took the day off, as I didn't feel nearly as bad as I did yesterday, although it was close at times. Overall, the day was nice and very easy, despite the problems with the shelving.

Ah, the shelving. The fixtures in our store are so sturdy that if you do a simply switching of the aisles, a whole section of shelving just falls right over. Apparently that's what happened yesterday and it nearly happened again today until my manager, Lenny, and I started putting brackets on the bottom of the shelving, and securing it to the floor so that it wouldn't fall over again. I just have to wonder how long it is before we get a new store. This one's starting to fall apart a bit since shelving is not supposed to just fall over. In any case, it kept us all honest for a while and kept me off the ad signs, which were done by Crystal, Jenny, and Mike.

To show how easy my day was, at 1:30pm, I took a walk with Crystal down the street to the rib burn-off, which was continuing today. We went and bought some ribs, spent what amounted to a half-hour there, then stayed on break until 2:30. She was only supposed to get a fifteen minute break, but it seemed that it didn't matter. My break worked out perfectly though, since I was entitled to an hour today. The ribs were very good and Crystal and I had a very good conversation while we were away from work.

It really doesn't amaze me anymore that we can relate to each other's problems and pasts so well. We both come from rather ugly childhoods, and while I've come up a bit different from her (it could be that Cleveland attitude that she has), we both understand the difficulties of our respective lives. What troubles me about her still is her inability, or unwillingness, to change her life. She still leads the same life that got her into trouble into Cleveland and she is definitely not one to mess with as she has a rather short fuse at times. If she doesn't like you, watch out. Luckily, I'm not one of those she hates.

I just wish that she'd act on what she says. It seems that she knows what she's doing wrong, she just doesn't seem to want to change the direction of her life. She's a very nice girl. She's right when she says that people didn't really give her a chance. I'm one who has and I feel very fortunate to know her the way that I do. It sometimes feels like she's not even giving herself a chance. She's a good person. She deserves better.

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Finally, my dad has gone back to Cleveland. After all that time, it felt good to know that I didn't have to deal with him tonight or listen to him degrade what I do. He still thinks that my mom's putting words in our mouths. It's funny. I tell him how I feel and he goes and blames my mom for us not enjoying his company. It still hasn't sunk in that I don't want to see him. I'm at the point where I want nothing to do with him ever again. I've refused money from him because I've felt dirty with it in my hands. I also don't want him to get the impression that I need him. He needs to learn that I can survive without his help.

He called tonight because he wanted someone to come get him. My mom knew better than to even consider me and told him that we don't want him around. He continues to dislike the things that I do though, which is partially why I don't want him here. He doesn't like the way I cook, the way I dress, the tv shows I watch, the music I listen to, and that I'm a sarcastic person. He doesn't like the fact that I'll disagree with him. He's not used to me talking back to him and telling him what he doesn't want to hear. He insists that my job isn't a real job. I then point out that he hasn't exactly been doing much the last month or so. He tries to start arguments with me, but I don't bite, and if I do, I've been able to say things that would shut him up immediately.

Most insultingly, he seems to think that I'm stupid and that I'll fall for whatever he tells me. It seems that he thinks I'm stupid, yet he can't figure out why he can't sucker me into a fight or into a debate. Even if he does, he thinks he'll win every time, which he doesn't. He treats me like I'm inferior because I don't want to follow in his footsteps. He treats me like I'm small, like I can be crushed like a bug.

Too bad he's the one who's small, who can't take responsibility for his actions, therefore making him the bug, and my foot's ready to come down. I'm no longer in his shadow.

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