Phunny Phrases

The ones I espspecially like are underlined.

For sale: Parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you did.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

If you can't convince them, confuse them....

Death is hereditary.

I couldn't repair your brakes so I made your horn louder.

Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once.

Shin: Device for finding furniture in the dark.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Oh Lord, give me patience...and give it to me now.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Corduroy pillows. They're making headlines.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

I was planning to quit procrastinating, but I put it off.

Police toilet stolen, cops have nothing to go on. - Submitted by Adam

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. - Submitted by Leah

There's no future in time travel. - Submitted by Leah

Laughing stock: Cattle with a sense of humor. - Submitted by Leah

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! - Submitted by Leah

Polynesia: Memory loss in parrots. - Submitted by Leah

If you can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, why can't you pick your friend's nose??? - Submitted by Corinne

Future isn't what it used to be. - Submitted by hieronymus

I'm against violence and I'm ready to fight for my opinions. - Submitted by ?

Reality is for those who lack imagination. - Submitted by Amanda

If ya can't beat'em, cheat'em - Submitted by Liquid-Terror

For sale: doberman. Easy to feed. Likes children. - Submitted by Liquid Terror

Who's cruel idea was it to put an s in the word lisp? - Submitted by Justin