Parents Guide on Discipline and Punishment and Psychological and Behavioral Problems in children

   LACK OF DISCIPLINE IS HARMFUL
Because it spoils the child. Discipline must be learnt by the child so that he can learn Self discipline.

         PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT IS ALSO HARMFUL

It is infact conter productive. Children learn better by praise & reward then by punisment

TO PUNISH IS TO INJURE

*Most punishments are irrational because it is given for acts which are not wrong or outside the child control.
*It is inflicted because of loss of temper when parents are tired or worried.
*It is meted not because child is naughty but is a nuisance to adult.
*Because it is directed not at cause but at symptoms & it fails.

DISCIPLINE   SHOULD   BE   ACCOMPAINED   BY   LOVE   OR   IT FAILS

The child is likly to behave well because he want the approval of his parents & not because of fear of punishment. Children learn better by praise & reward than by punishment. Punishment should be given to the child who is old enough to understand importance of punishment (After 3 yrs).

METHODS   OF PUNISHMENT

*BEFORE PUNISHMENT the child always be given a chance to explain his conduct to ascrtain wheather it was accidental or intentional. No punishment or mild punishment should be given if the child comes out with true confession. He then must be explained the bad effect of wrong acts. The child should be erminded of the behaviour expected of him.
* THE BEST FORM OF PUNISHMENT IS FIRM EXPRESSION OF    DISPLESURE OR DEPRIVATION OF PRIVILEGES OR TEMPORARY WITHDRAWL OF LOVE.
*Reasoing and punishment are more effective together.
*Severe punishment (or) physical punishment is always wrong, irrational and couter productive.

Remember

1. It is never necessary to hurt the child.
2. It should be accompanied by little fun & no prolonged displeasure.
3. It must be accompained by love or it fails.
4. It must be immediate & should be consistent (same punishment for same fault every time) & parents should agree with each other about the method.


                   BEHAVIOURAL   DISORDERS

It includes habit disorder, conduct disorder & psychological disorders; e.g., thumb suckings, tics. temper tantrum, etc.,

CAUSES
The developing mind of child begins to feel this need for some autonomy, a sense of wanting & being able to do things their the other way. They don�t have the capacity for such things. Frustration & anger may result which manifest as crying, screaming breath holding spells, temper tantrum & physical aggresion.
Some habit patterns may be learned by imitation of adults. Some begins as purposeful movement that for some reasons become repetetive and becomes a mean of discharge of tension . It is often reinforced be attention from parents.
Psychosocial problems are produced by physical or emotional stress. Children may hide their feelings & that expresses as behaviour problems later in life. Children should be allowed & encouraged to expree their feelings of dismay fear & anger rather than being told to be good boy or good girl.
ATTENTION SEEKING DEVICES
All these problems become attention seeking devices, probably to compensate lack of love, sympathy & discipline .

TREATMENT

(1) It is futile to attempt to treat the symptoms without treating the cause which is so often in lack of security, tension, lack of love & not being recognised as a person praised sufficiently or given responsibilities.

(2) The child should be distracted as soon as it is   seen that he is about to repeat the trick.

(3) Ignore the act (but not the dangerous ones) &   least possible anxiety should be shown.

1. SPOILT CHILD
A child is not spoilt by being loved. Child is spoilt by lack of discipline, overprotection, overattention & by accepting his demands by his wailing & temper tamtrums. Wise loving discipline is must for these children.

2. THUMB SUCKING
It is normal in infants . It is a way in which child secures extra self nuturance . Danger of thumbsucking lies not in thumbs-sucking but in what parents do about it, threat & mechanical aids are harmful as they lead to unhappiness, resentfulless & insecurity in child.
Treatment is by ignoring the act , distracting attention of baby to other acts & providing child with evidevce of concern and giving attention to other positive aspects of child.

3. TICS
(Repetitive movements of face, neck, shoulder, tongue, eye blinking & lip smacking etc.)Don�t give undue attention & ignore the act & distract the child to some other things.

4. TEMPER TANTRUMS
Aggresion is a normal phenomina. The child must learn to control his anger. Parents must also control their angers and loss of temper that they wish their children to follow. Many children imitate their parents displaying bad temper. Temper tantrum is best defence against repression. Excessive strictness, expecting immediate obedience on any demand, over indulgenc, over protection causes temper tantrum . Approch the child calmly without losing your temper. Try to divert the attention of child to other activities or ignore the act & display your indifference. He should not be given what he wanted after tantrum.The child soon will realise that he is gaining nothing by tantrum & he will stop heving them. But he must be loved & given sense of security.

5. ATTENTION SEEKING
(food refusal, Pain, abdomen , vomiting, head, banging gagging, nose picking etc.). Any of these tricks is likely to be repeated if the child attracts attention .Ignore the act & show least possible anxiety & distract him to some other activites.

6. STUTTERING
It is because of defective speech development or excessive domination or discipline & overprotection . In treatment the first part is relief of parents anxiety. They must stop trying to make child speak clearly. Problems will go of its own. Some will need speech therapy.

7. TEETH GRINDING
It result from unexpressed anger or resentment . Helping the child to find other ways to express resutant may releive this problems. Parent - child communication is needed to relieve fear, anger and resentment.

8. MASTRUBATION
It is manipulation of genitals for sexual pleasure. It is normal at any age & virtually universal among children. It should be accepted as a normal aspect of child development. No scolding or threats are needed. Pay least attention & the act should be ignored. Excessive masturbation may needs psychological treatment.

          BRINGING THE BEST OUT OF YOUR THE CHILD

1. LOVE & SECURITY

It is the first essential. It is the satisfaction of child�s basic emotional needs.
Child must have affection & acceptance of his performance & his own personality.
Tolerance sympathy & understanding of his devoloping mind.
Wise loving Discipline inplace of anger scoldings.
He needs to have instilled with him good moral values, a sex & senseible attitude to sex & concern for others. Children thrive on encouragement rather than discouragement, praise & reward rather than punishment. There must be absolute avoidence of constant criticism, scolding, nagging , denigration & favourtism.

2. CHILD SHOULD LEARN TO LEARN

He must in led to enjoy learning , to want to create. Motivate your child to find pleasure in paying attention to others , to engage in purposeful activity. He should be in introduced to junior library & not just but him comics to a child.

3. PARENTS SHOULD READ TO CHILDREN

It can work with even a child of 9-10 months of age. Babies enjoy listening to parents & objecte being ponited in the books & nursary Rhymes.

4. PLAY WITH THE CHILD

Parents need to play with their child. He should also learn to enjoy playing his own game , planning his, own games & seeking halp when needes.Even young babies should be given a chance to see things outside & not to be left in pram all the day.He should be played with, talked to, propped up & to let him explare surrounding

5. TALK TO YOUR CHILD AND LET HIM ARGUE

It is a good things for child to hear intelligent adult talk. Child should be encouraged to questions the accuracy of what his parents say. They should be taught to think for themselves and frame their opinions, develope independence of mind & thought. They should be taught to argue without being impolite.

6. TAKE INTREST IN YOUR CHILD EDUCATION

It will work for best achievement in academics for your child.


                       A WORD OF SYMPTHY FOR PARENTS
Mother feel powerless with the child. She can't reason with him , can't explain that she is tired & longing for sleep . She can't leave him cry. She can't smack him or punish him. The tendency to blame the parents all times must be avoided . They have done their best. They have their own personality problems & have little help in coping with them, They recieve confliciting advice from friends, doctors, magzines & books. But only wise loving disicpline will prevent all these problems.

DISCIPLINE
Helping a child to behave in an acceptable manner is a necessary part of raising the child well. Discipline varies at different ages. There is no one right way to raise children, but child and adolescent psychiatrists offer the following general guidelines:
Children generally want to please their parents. Wise parents can in their disciplining activities use children's desire to please.

When parents show joy and approval for behavior that please them, this reinforces good behavior in the child. When parents show disapproval of dangerous or unpleasant behaviors at the early stages, they are more likely to be successful when the child is older.

The way the parent corrects a child or adolescent for misbehavior should make sense to the youngster, and not be too strict that the child or adolescent cannot later feel the parent's love and good intentions.

Children and adolescents can and do anger parents, and parents need good self-control when they are angry. Although a loud "no" may get the attention of a toddler heading for a street full of traffic, it does not quiet a crying baby. For older children, there should be clear expectations, agreed upon by both parents and clearly told to the child or adolescent.

In our mixed society, where cultures and parenting styles are varied, different families expect different behaviors from their children.

One child may be allowed to come home at any time, while another child may have a strict curfew. When parents and children disagree about rules, an honest exchange of ideas may help them learn from each other. However, parents must be responsible for setting the family's rules and values.

Keeping unwanted behavior from happening in the first place is easier than stopping it later.

It is better to put breakable or treasured objects out of the reach of toddlers than to punish them for breaking them. Parents should encourage curiosity but should direct it into activities like playing with puzzles, learning to use paints or reading a book.

Changing a child's unwanted behaviors can help the child have the self-control needed to become responsible and considerate of others.

Self-control does not happen automatically or suddenly. Infants and toddlers need parental guidance and support to begin the process of learning self-control. Self-control usually begins to show by age six. With parents guiding the process, self-control increases throughout the school years. Teenage experimentation and rebellion may occur, but most youngsters pass through this period and become responsible adults--especially if they had good early training.

Families pass methods of discipline and what is expected of children from generation to generation.

When discipline attempts are not successful, it is often helpful for someone outside the family to make useful suggestions on raising a child. Professionals trained in child growth and behavior can give information on the way children think and develop. They can also suggest different approaches to changing unwanted behavior. The patience of parents, and help from caring professionals, when necessary, will help smooth the way for children to learn and enjoy what society expects of them and what they can expect from themselves.