Epilogue/Timely/Authors Notes.

North Bay. I'm in fucking North Bay.

Today I was discussing how ugly everyone here is with a couple of girls in one of my classes. I didn't even start the topic, one of the girls did, commenting on how all the people here are either fat or ugly. I, of course, put in my two cents. You should come to expect that by now, come on people! Anyhow, I mentioned how I believed that about 95% of North Bay was ugly people, or fat people at least. As well, it seemed that all the ugly people had at least one major physical deformity, followed up by 4 or more minor ones. The girls, of course, were appalled before I explained that I didn't feel that way about *them*. And I don't.

Anyhow, the point of this is that in North Bay... there isn't that much to write home about. Oh sure, I have lots of wacky adventures, like the recent ear-syringe story, but they're rarely girl related, and never girl-liking-me-and-I-like-her-back-ish. No no. Which kind of bites, and let me tell you why. It might not be for the reason you'd think.

Back at home, there seems to be a surplus of girls that I can only describe as profoundly retarded... because they actually seem to like me, and as we all know, you'd have to be a FUCKING RETARD to like, or to EVER have liked me. How can anyone deny that, eh? Eh? That's what I thought. Anyhow, to get off my penchant for the retarded for a moment and back to the subject, even the scuzzy girls here... they don't have a lot of affection for me.

Well actually, that's not always true either. My jackass charm actually works wonders you'd never think it would sometimes. The other North Bay issue is that just about everyone I've met here, and definitely all the attractive people, they all have significant others, and have for a while. Hence, Cute Little Jen, who was one of the girls I was talking to about the terrible ugliness infecting our northlands. She is the cutest fucking thing, and certainly belongs in the south. With me. Yes, with me in the south. Or the north, what the fuck do I care, right?

Wait a minute, back to retards at home in Brantford. Geez, I keep moving away from that topic, don't I? It kind of bites that these girls, though certifiably insane, are so far away from me. Krista, mainly. See, Krista is an interesting character. All night long I hear about her strenuous longings for me, and what she sees in me, and this animal attraction she has to me. Funny thing is, she's seeing some other dude... 'out of convenience,' so she says. Yeah sure. Last night even, she detailed to me all of the events happening between the two of them, telling me all about how I should feel bad for her because she's the one making all the sacrifices in the relationship, and basically hinted very sucessfully that she's sucking all kinds of dick. Hence the post-it now taped to he rim of my computer screen, to remind me that she's getting action and I aint, and that all of her ramblings of desire probably don't mean that much, and should I start to feel sympathetic or something like that, that I shouldn't, and that she's quite literally saying one thing and doing another. Like the double meaning of 'doing' there? Yeah, me too. But yeah, the post-it? It reads like this, in block capital letters;

"Krista is sucking some other guys dick. Remember that."

I mean, I hear all the time how if I was back there that I'd be the one in that position, but do I want that, really? Kind of seems strange to me. I mean A) if she's telling the truth, then she's just going through the motions with this guy, and that's kind of hollow and not what you want out of someone, and B) if she's lying... well, then she's a big liar anyhow!

You see my predicament.

So that brings me to right now.
Right now, no, I'm not very motivated. Girls are more of an obstacle right now than anything else. If it hasn't worn off already, my blowjob buzz is fading fast, and I'm again reverting back to the shifty, mouthy, eyebrow-raising bastard I've always been at heart.

But is that particularly true?
Well, believe it or not, it depends on who you ask. When it comes down to it, I don't think gender or time I've known them apply. It really seems sort of random, it really seems to depend on just who you ask. Zoey, for instance. I was online, icqing with Zoey a couple days ago, and she was telling me how much of a jerk and a pervert I am, or was during the break, anyhow. Well, I was trying to get more info out of her, but of course, it can be difficult to really pinpoint jerky behaviour, and asking 'when was I a jerk?' isn't as effective as you might think. But the point, and the strange thing was that she said her and her friends all really liked me though. Actually, she did more than say that, she made a point of saying it. And she's not one who has a reputation for giving much of a crap about what comes out of her mouth at any given time to any given person.

At first that was just very confusing. Kind of aggravating too, since I'd previously been told that for most of the break, and the last half in particular, I was actually behaving like a nice and decent human being. But still the ladies found me to be a jerk? You can see the aggravation... with me believing that even when I was trying to be and thought I was accomplishing being not so bad of a guy... I still turned out to be a drooling inbred fuck. Which is fine by me, now. I was upset about it for a while... you know, the whole trying/failing thing, but ehn... what're you gonna do, right?

Because really,
in the end,
I still turned out to be enjoyable. Thumbs up for black humour and irony, perhaps?

Weird.
No no, let me restate that... fucking weird.

But yes, lately I have just too many other concerns to occupy my time other than chasing down someone who doesn't *really* want to be caught by me anyhow. It helps that it's winter too, because to quote Hoover, "Winter comes, and the boobies go away, and I get sad. Then spring comes, and the boobies come back, and I get happy again." And what that means to me is that when you take the physical attraction out of the womenfolk, with them now wearing the baggy sweaters and thick, warm, long pants... well, that takes away at least half of the female appeal. I mean, I sure do love tits.

Bless me boys and girls, for I have sinned, and sure as hell am gonna do it again!

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