I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
--David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
--Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
--Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
--Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
--Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
--Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
--Anonymous

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
--Henny Youngman

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
--Sam Kinison

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
--James Holt McGavran

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.
--Patrick! Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
--Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
--Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
--Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
--Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
--Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
--Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
--Anonymous

A woman is like a computer that records everything and forgets nothing, and recalls something that is sure to hurt in the strongest manner at the weakest spot.
--Unknown

About Women

The fact is this--

--If you lie to a woman, she will not believe it.
--If you tell her the truth, she will not believe it.
--A woman believes what she wants to believe.
--She is the master of the world of her mind. Let nobody enter the world of the queen. If he enters invited, it is a sweet prison. If he enters uninvited, it is hot hell. And, in either situation, she presents herself as the innocent victim.