+ (woman taped off a "phone sex" service)
WOMAN : (seductively) Hi. I'm Linda. You know,
it can be really lonely when you're a fashion model.
Sometimes I just have to ...
YOU : (interrupting) Oh c'mon, Linda, give me the damn phone...
(then ask for a message)

+ You have reached the number which you have dialled.
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually,
I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like,
I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message,
but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER,
except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it...
I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

+ You've reached the home of the greatest psychic on earth.
Since I already know who you are and why you've called,
please hang up after the beep tone.

+ Hi, you know the drill.

+ Hello? (short pause) Hellooo? (Waits again) Helloooo - Who is this?
(After a final short pause) Well, whatever, I'm not home anyways,
so please leave a message after the beep.

+ "Speak, worm!" (beep) Works best if done in a Darth Vader voice.

+Just put on a recording of a busy signal. The number you have dialled,
1-2-3-4-5-6-7 is no longer in service, the new number is
1-2-3-4-5-6-7 (exact same number). -- try getting some voice synth software,
that way, it sounds even more like the phone company.