+ "Suicide Hotline...please hold."

+ Hellooo....Hellloooo, well if you won't talk to me maybe you'll talk to this machine,
it's at home and I'm not, leave a message and it'll give it to me when I return.

+ Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now.
He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie.
Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

+ (With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you!
What? Oh.. we're not home, leave a message.

+ Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep.
If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

+ Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

+ "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead.
Wait for the beep. " beep " Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"

+ (Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings!
The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper,
with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds!
Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain.
The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

+ Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

+ We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number.
Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

+ Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me,
you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand,
if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone.
I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.

+ This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number,
and after I've doctored the tape,
your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.

+ Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

+ Hi. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls.
So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone.
Otherwise, well, what can I say?

+ Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.

+ Hi! Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

+ You have reached 555-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition.
You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded.
If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.

+ Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

+ Hi, I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message,
and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

+ Hi. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home
, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.
Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.