Spoiler Guide by Rebecca Stunell

Written by Kieran Prendiville
Directed by Richard Standeven
Produced by Joy Lale
First UK Broadcast: 11 February 1996, BBC1
Viewing Figure: 14.11 million

Peter Clifford is enjoying his scenic journey on the bus to Ballykissangel, until an enormous wooden crate descends from further up the hillside. After speculating on its contents with the other passengers, Peter decides he will walk to his destination, given the fine weather.

The sunshine gives way to torrential rain and Peter is offered a lift from Assumpta Fitzgerald, who is amused to hear that Peter is Ballykissangel's new priest. They drive past Assumpta's pub and she drops Peter off at 'his place', St Joseph's church. Inside, Peter meets the parish priest, Father MacAnnally, who inspecting the hole in the roof.

At Fitzgerald's, Assumpta's best friend, Niamh, is seeking advice about her boyfriend, who she is due to marry. Assumpta tells her to ask the priest. It comes as a surprise to both Niamh and her father Brian, who both rush out of the pub with things to do.

Father Mac, meanwhile, is working out why an English priest would be sent to Ireland in the first place. He informs Peter that his predecessor 'only came for the suit', but Peter assures him there's no problem. They go into Fitzgerald's and Assumpta treats Father Mac with a huge amount of disrespect.

Father Mac is not impressed when Peter tells him that, in Manchester, he used to commute by mountain bike. The area which Peter is going to have to cover includes mountains and he is told that many of the older parishioners live at the top of mountains. He must get motorised transport if he wants to stay in Ballykissangel.

Peter is shown to his house, next door to the church. When he arrives, Niamh is already making a pot of tea. She explains that her father owns the house, having bought it from the church. Niamh begins to tell Peter about the situation between her and her boyfriend. The problem is that she wants to know what he's like before she marries him. As she begins to face the reality, Peter leaves her to think about it.

At the church, Brian Quigley's assistants, Liam and Donal are loading a huge crate onto a crane. It's the same crate which had come hurtling down the hill earlier on. Asked if he knows what's inside it, Peter answers: 'I know it can fly.' Apparently, it's a confessional... with sliding doors, soundproofing and air conditioning.

Peter, disturbed by the bad taste of the confessional telephones Father Mac and is told that he should let Brian carry on, as he's a good friend of the church.

Walking out of Fitzgerald's, Peter meets Niamh, who clearly wants him to forget their previous conversation.
At the church, Peter is interviewed by a news reporter, who informs him that the confessional also includes a leather armchair and a fax machine. The fax machine is the last straw and Peter confronts Brian, who can't seem to see what the problem is: 'They have one at the wailing wall.'

Trying to find some transport, Peter visits Padraig O'Kelly's garage and finds a 50cc motorbike. Padraig doesn't think it's very dignified for a priest, but time and money don't give Peter much option. He asks Padraig to hold the bike for him until he can get a provisional license.

Later, in the high-tech confessional, Niamh's boyfriend, Ambrose, the local Gard confesses that: 'I think I'm going to have sex.' Peter refuses to absolve him for something he hasn't done, but he is interrupted by the fax machine, which echoes around the church. He suggests that Ambrose should live with his girlfriend, but in order to save Ambrose from that particular sin, they shouldn't have sex. The fax is an invoice written in Italian.
Early the next morning, Peter is woken by a telephone call asking him to give the last rites. The doctor has already left and Peter realises he is without transport. He runs to the garage, but can't wake Padraig or start the motorbike, so he runs back to Fitzgerald's and asks Assumpta to take him in her van. During the journey, an angry Assumpta tells him in no uncertain terms that she wouldn't want the last rites. They arrive ten minutes too late and Assumpta watches as Peter gives comfort to the man's widow.

Peter's first mass has a good attendance, but is again interrupted by the confessional, this time, the doors open and close of their own accord. Peter makes a light mockery of the situation by suggesting that, for every three Hail Marys there could be a free course of aromatherapy. Brian Quigley is not impressed. In the meantime, another invoice has been faxed through and Peter decides to use it to his advantage - he slips it through the Bishop's letterbox.

Father Mac telephones Quigley in complete disgust that he has invoiced the Bishop for the confessional and orders that it be removed immediately.

Brian jumps the queue at confession and demands to know why Peter advised Ambrose to live with Niamh. Peter retorts that it's to do with a man's private confession and orders Brian to get out... at which point he discovers the doors have jammed shut and neither of them can get out.

Later, crowds gather outside the church to witness the unusual sight of the priest and the entrepreneur being winched out through the church roof in a confessional.

Trivia
The scene with the confessional crate and the bus was one of the most potentially dangerous scenes ever attempted on Ballykissangel. The box was made out of wood-covered steel and was dropped from 200 feet up Wicklow's highest peak. The weight of the box meant that it was potentially lethal. If it had hit the bus it would almost certainly have knocked it off the road. The bus was driven by vehicle co-ordinator Reggie Blain and in the take used in the show, the crate only just misses the bus.

Typical Quotes

Memorable Lines

Continuity
Assumpta and Peter's discussion about the last rites is vital towards the end of series three and Fr Mac's quote about the suit is also mentioned again.

Extra Locations
The bus journey was filmed on a private road at Lugnaquilla, Co. Wicklow.

Critical Review
This episode was one of two shown to focus groups before the commissioning of the second series in June 1995.
The first episode of any new series is absolutely vital to its success and the quality of this episode obviously enticed a growing number of people to watch it.
The fish-out-of-water theme is turned on its head with the confessional storyline. A priest from a city arriving in a tiny village where fax-equipped confessionals come as standard is a bit of a culture shock.
This is Ballykissangel as it was originally conceived and as such is the standard on which all the episodes should be judged.

10/10