1) File Format: Your computer begs mine.

Please submit your fiction in a Text Only format or a text with line breaks format. Although I am a multi-platform user, I may not be able to open your source files. If all else fails, pleasse try pasting it into a message.

2) WISIWIMP: What I See Is What I MIGHT Post.

I envisioned a standard of writing for the pieces posted on The Guild. I suppose that sounds pompously elitist, but I can't tell you how painful it is to read terrific pieces riddled with atrocious spelling and bad usage. (Naval when they mean navel, exSTREAMly when it's spelled extremely, and many other horror stories). If you're old enough to have watched Charlie's Angels, then I assume you've also had to sit through those god-awful grammar classes... or at least own a word-processing program with a spell-checker. I beg you, please don't torture me.

Whatever you submit is final. I will consider every error as intentional. I do not edit anything except utterly glaring spelling mistakes. Like any good tailor, I would alter "Jill's exstreamly attractive, naval-revealing shirt" to its intended form, but I wouldn't hide her body in a three-piece suit.

3) Style Restrictions: Plot does matter.

The only restrictions in terms of style are plausibility and common decency. No matter how funny, sugary, surreal, or straightforward your piece is, every occurence you wrote about must be plausible to the reader. Charlie may appear in your short story if you like, but he/she cannot be Superman. The Angels may go on any daring caper, but they can't jet off to Mars.

**NOTE** Lists are the exception to this clause, since their humor stems from the utter lack of plausibility.

Also, let's remember that the general tone of the show was one of relative innocence. You're free to write a story with sex in it, but only between two (2) people at a time, no animals, no children.

4) Title Format: No disclaimer? No synopsis? No rating? NO POST!!!

Please preface yoru stories in this standard format:

  by author (pseudonyns/pen names allowed)  
  Rating: (G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17)  
  Synopsis: (maximum of three sentences)  

Author's notes or Acknowledgments are also allowed but please keep it down to a short paragraph! By the way, this isn't to say that you can't make your disclaimers, ratings, and synopsis fun. Be creative! As long as you get the point across, you can knock yourself out on the details.

5) Multiple Postings: "Oh %@$*~# I can't believe I wrote THAT!"

Ah, grasshopper... I completely understand the "morning-after" phenomenon with fanfic. So yes, I do allow multiple postings in the sense that you can freak out, revise, and submit the leaner, meaner version to me for posting.

However, much as I would enjoy unlimited time and access to the Internet, I ain't got it. I will only give you a week from the date of your first submission to revise your story. At the end of that week I'll post the most recent version you submitted.

So if you submitted your first draft on Monday, freaked out and revised like crazy on Tuesday and Wednesday, had your hard disk die on you on Thursday... you have till Monday to get the final version to me.

After that period of grace, well... think of it this way, someday you'll be famous and young people everywhere will take heart from the piece you wrote: "UltraGeniusWriterPerson wrote stuff like this and he/she eventually won the HighFalutin Prize!" Critics everywhere will analyze how you matured from a fanfic author to writing with such deft insight and style. I, of course, will be holding on to my colostomy bag and nearly choking with laughter.

6) Essays and Lists: Special People deserve Special Guidelines.

Essays and Lists must also follow guidelines 1, 2, 5, and the decency clause of guideline 3. Remember: irreverence is funny, obscenity is not. As for a title format, use this:

  by author/authors  
  me@myemail.com, him@hisemail.com, her@heremail.com .... respectively.  

7) Have fun, sell your soul to the Webmaster.

Hey, just checking to see if you're still with me. Wake Up! Now you can write that brilliant piece you were planning to show the world. Good Luck!

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