The name of this episode may be "S.A.D." but that's no reflection on the content! Christmas at Sun Hill is quirky as a rule and "S.A.D." is undoubtedly one of the quirkiest The Bill episodes ever produced. The Bill's scriptwriters had a pretty tough act to follow after the fabulous "Twanky" in 1997 but this episode is a worthy successor. "S.A.D." is full of memorable moments - Who could forget the look on Matt Boyden's face when he learns that a baby is being born in the custody suite? Or the ghastly secret behind Mrs Bourne's delicious mince pies? If you haven't seen this episode yet then I strongly recommend that you beg, borrow or steal a copy as soon as you can - It is an essential part of any devoted Bill-watcher's collection!

One of the best things about "S.A.D." is the fact that it features every member of the uniformed relief. Most episodes of The Bill concentrate on a single character or a small group of characters so it's nice to see an episode where everybody gets a look in for a change. The day starts off quietly enough with some cheerful banter between Tony Stamp and Polly Page in front of a local café. The assorted scroats, villains and toerags that usually walk the streets of Sun Hill seem to have taken a break for Christmas, leaving the police with very little work over the festive season. Tone and Poll don't seem to mind their apparent redundancy in the slightest as they happily debate whether or not Tony has put on weight over Christmas. The omnipresent CAD room is silent so it's not long before Vicky, Gary, Eddie and Dave migrate to the café as well - It's nice to see that they have their priorities straight! The atmosphere is laid back and the only problem looming on the horizon is an elderly gentleman trying to serve them glasses of single malt whiskey. Everyone is happy (with the exception of the Seasonally Affected Dave) and for once the Sun Hill police service has nothing to do. Relaxation is also the order of the day back at the station as Reg mucks around with a yo-yo and Sergeant Boyden wanders around distributing the legendary mince pies made by the diminutive Mrs Bourne. George Garfield is manning the front desk, Andrew Monroe and Derek Conway are attending a Neighbourhood Watch meeting and Charles Brownlow is running late. In short, everyone is looking forward to a loooong, uneventful day after the frenzied rush of Christmas.

However, this peaceful illusion is shattered in a matter of minutes as calls literally flood into the CAD room - Tony and Polly dash off when a lady collapses in the street, Dave and Eddie rush to the scene of a pub brawl and Vicky and Gary are assigned to a burglary. Nothing strange so far, but things get a bit hectic when the collapsed lady is discovered to be Mrs Bourne, the brawler turns out to be nine months pregnant and the burglar claims he owns the house that he broke into! Furthermore, George Garfield abandons the front desk to play cops and robbers with a bunch of kids in the front interview room, the Neighbourhood Watch meeting deteriorates into a shouting match and Luke Ashton wrestles with a bag-lady outside a department store. You'll probably think I'm mad when I tell you that Tony and Polly spend their day shoving cats into boxes, Luke and Sam need to be chemically de-loused and Charles Brownlow becomes an impromptu midwife but I swear it's true! Watch the episode if you don't believe me. And that's just a few of the surprises in store...

There are many fascinating sub-plots throughout "S.A.D." but the most impressive thing about the episode is the way that the diverse sub-plots are cleverly woven together to produce a funny and refreshing script that is guaranteed to keep you on the edge of your seat. There's something in this episode for everyone, whether you're looking for great police drama, an interesting plot, some hilarious moments or just light entertainment - You can NEVER watch this episode too many times. Highly recommended. What are you waiting for? Get your hands on a copy NOW!

If you're a fan of classic police drama with its cunning twists and turns - the thrill of the chase and the joy of the arrest - then you'll probably hate "Twanky". But if you enjoy a good laugh, you don't take life too seriously and you're prepared for something a little bit unusual then I guarantee that you'll love this memorable episode of The Bill. I certainly did!

In "Twanky", we see the lads and lasses of Sun Hill police station in a whole new light as they prepare to stage a Christmas pantomime. With a script by Tosh Lines, a director like Polly Page and Sun Hill's finest in the spotlight what could possibly go wrong? Quite a lot as it happens! Anyone who has ever tried to organise a major event knows that it's a truly mammoth task and Polly's job isn't made any easier by insensitive council workers, snooty actors and a villain wielding a baseball bat. However, Polly rises to the challenge with her usual tenacity and the panto goes ahead regardless.

The problems begin to crop up on the day of the panto - Firstly, Tony Stamp loses his voice! Considering that his performance as the egregious Widow Twanky is central to the entire play, this is fairly disastrous news. Polly's hopes are further shattered when an uncaring fire inspector closes down the hall that she had booked for the performance. As if that wasn't enough, George and Reg are supposed to be playing opposite ends of a pantomime cow but George loses his temper and refuses point-blank to work with Reg, leaving Polly with half a cow on her hands. Basically, Pol faces a pretty hopeless situation - No Twanky, no venue, no pantomime cow and a horde of actors asking her silly questions. Several weeks of hard work and planning are about to vanish without a trace but despite her best efforts, Polly can't seem to do anything about it!

In fact, Pol is right on the verge of throwing in the towel when the unlikely team of Derek Conway and Reg Hollis manage to find another theatre willing to stage the panto. Tosh tricks Rod Skase into becoming the new Widow Twanky and George and Reg are reconciled into sharing the same cow suit for four hours. But Polly can't afford to rest on her laurels just yet ­ the pantomime itself attracts its fair share of incidents, most noticeably when an enraged ex-con tries to kill Chris Deakin during the performance!

This enterprising villain begins by knocking Rod down a flight of stairs and dumping him outside the theatre. Unfortunately for Rod he is still dressed in the Widow Twanky outfit so the local police have a laugh at his expense then take him into custody! This removes yet another Twanky from the pantomime but Don Beech manages to avert disaster at the last moment with a bit of quick thinking. Chris Deakin's worries are just beginning, though, as the ex-con attacks him on stage in full view of the audience... Is the panto a roaring success or a dismal failure? The odds are certainly against Polly but I won't spoil the ending ­ Watch the episode and see for yourself!

Incidentally, some people have accused Pol of favouritism just because her friends managed to land all the important roles in the play. I assure you that this is one big co-incidence - Polly is above such things. I'm sure that Debbie Keane, Tony Stamp, Dave Quinnan and Norika Datta were all chosen for their theatrical abilities and nothing else!

What I love the most about this episode is the insight that it gives into Polly's character. She is under enormous pressure throughout "Twanky" (especially when she learns that the Deputy Assistant Commissioner is in the audience) but she never gives up. Rather, Polly proves once and for all that she is a capable organiser who is able to keep calm in a crisis and handle difficult situations. It just goes to show that rank is no measure of ability!

"Twanky" is also hilariously funny - There are jokes, gags and puns scattered throughout. If you can manage to keep a straight face for more than two minutes during this episode then there's something wrong with you! From the aptly named "Bumble Beatles" to the sight of Jack Meadows and Derek Conway hitting each other with rubber truncheons, there can be no doubt that "Twanky" is a comedic masterpiece of the first order.

It doesn't matter whether you're looking for a great episode of The Bill, an excuse to laugh yourself silly or you just like the sound of Rod Skase in a dress - You have to see "Twanky" at least once! You'll regret it forever if you don't.