Blogs - more addictive than crack cocaine, more lethal to neurons than heroin. We've all experienced it - the need to make just one more posting, one more comment, the signs of that unbreakable addiction. But there's more. As you might have seen over the last few months, blogs can be used to direct intellectual discourse and silence the voices of dissent. For instance, armies of the undead have arisen and attacked Dr Andrew Berk, Vice President of the SFWG (Speculative Fantabulation Workers' Guild). But who would want to convert the weak-willed members of the blogosphere, already vulnerable through addiction, into mindless drones ready to do their bidding? Who would want to create zombies that are capable only of buying their novels or, even worse, acting as intellectual stormtroopers against Dr Berk and so impede his bumbling attempts to prevent e-piracy?
I think I know, and nothing shall stop me in my quest to expose the completely fictitious organisation that I call:
THE WORSHIPFUL ORDER OF THE MOST SECRET MASTERS OF THE BLOGOSPHERE
Yes, that most secret of secret organisations that don't really exist except in my fevered imagination, noted for their battles with the SFWG. I feel that I must investigate, out of the public interest, just what these Secret Masters are up to and how I feel they are controlling the flow of intellectual discourse in the blogosphere. To that end, I reveal the Secret Masters' deepest and darkest secrets - all on this site, all the hallucination induced products of my no-doubt deranged intellect!
To start with, I've intercepted one of the Secret Masters' non-existent transmissions which gives details of their aims and methods. I've also obtained their secret manual which gives their top tips for self-promotion. You would never have believed that human beings could stoop so low in their attempts to spread the Word of Blog!
Have you ever wondered about the necessity of the UnCreative Commons (UCC) licensing scheme as promoted by Coral Oral PhD on his web-log 'Dogshit' (the so-called 'biggest log on the web')? Have you ever had the feeling that there are messages hidden under the surface of the blog postings churned out by the Secret Masters, but you can't quite see what these hidden messages really are? You need to read my discussion of the tools of the Secret Masters. This page shows you how they have hijacked Cory Oral's Doublethink Algorithm for their own ends, and then goes on to show you how to decode the Secret Masters' intellectually encrypted statements to reveal the hidden meaning of, amongst others, the UnCreative Commons.
Progressing from the UnCreative Commons onto another means of collaboration, and in pursuit of those who might know more about the Secret Masters, I look next at Joe Scampi's most recent venture with his former paymasters at AOHTML: Fixlets. The voices in my head that masquerade as Joe, the Nobel Prize winning author of 'Senior Soldier' and one-time write-in candidate for the Presidency of the SFWG, tell me what he's going to do now that he's stopped contributing to the Fixlets site - my conclusions will SHOCK YOU BEYOND BELIEF! (Unfortunately, 'Joe' stonewalled me and I never did get any closer to identifying the members of the Secret Masters.)
Want to know more about the shadowy Inner Circle of the Secret Masters? I wanted to see if this included Charlie Chaff, writer of the blog 'EgoPope' and author of the novel 'The Atrocious Archive', and thought I'd found out when I intercepted another transmission using my amazing telepathic powers. I therefore have something else, as vague and imaginary as the rest of this site, that I call their biographies.
All this and more. But remember, this is dangerous territory that we are entering. Do you really want to join me? Once you've peered through my spectacles of imaginary truth, I can't guarantee your safety, or even your sanity. The dark and sordid netherworld that I reveal could drive you to scale the mountains of madness and throw yourself from the uppermost peaks, so great is the terror engendered. But wait, what's that? Who's that coming towards me? Oh no, it's an army of Blog Zombies, their brains turned to mush by participating in too many flamewars and fights against the reactionary forces of the Speculative Fantabulation Workers' Guild. They're getting closer. I can hear them crying "Brains! Need more brains!" No! No! They're getting closer! Quick, must upload the site! Must upload the si...
United We Stand, Divided They Fall | The Tools of Oppression | 21st Century Rhetoric for Blog Zombies | Our Enemies Must Die So That We Might Live! | Fixlets and Scampi's future | Bio of a Space Tyrant | Power Corrupts, Blogs Corrupt Absolutely | Contacts and copyright