ROD &
CUSTOM CLUB
HUMOUR
Hot Rod Stuff
Short stories of the many pitfalls of being a Hot Rodder
- HOW TO IMPRESS YOUR WIFE AND MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING.
- THE TRUE COST OF BUILDING A STREET ROD!!!!
HOW TO IMPRESS YOUR WIFE AND MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING.
1. Pinching the light bulbs out of the house when the one's in the garage keep blowing. This always puts her in a good frame of mind, especially if she trips over the cat on the way to the toilet in the middle of the night, because the light bulb in the hallway's missing.
2. Chasing your wife's dog around the back yard, trying to kick the hell out of it and retrieve your good screwdriver at the same time. Yet the moment rover jumps on the new lounge isn't it amazing how fast he suddenly becomes YOUR dog. Poor old mutely changes owners more times than you've busted valve springs, and he hasn't even left the back yard.
3. After cleaning the grease off the motor you've just acquired for your Pride n' Joy you then proceed inside to wash up for tea, and upon doing so you leave half the engine grease on your wife's clean towels.
4. Whilst rolling your Hot Rod out for it's once a week wash, you run over the wives foot. Between your wife's ranting and raving and the bloody dog barking you can't figure out what all the commotion is all about. Usually impresses the neighbors too.
5. Locking the cat in the garage overnight, then upon opening the door in the morning you are faced with tiny paw prints down the bonnet of your pride and joy. Wife and neighbor aren't impressed by the way you throw the cat over the fence.
6. After a hard Saturday of working under the car, all you want to do is sit in front of the idiot box, but the little women gets very stroppy when you and the dog lay on the nice clean lounge especially if you forgot to change out of your greasy cloths.
7. A very good way to impress her is when she has to go to the shop in her own car and she finds that its out of fuel and the front seat is covered in grease because you needed it to go to the wreckers for that hard to find part.
8. It's been another hard day working on the pride n' joy and it's time for bed, to shagged to take a shower so you roll into the cot smelling like a Gobi desert camel and looking like you've been a grease monkey on the Trans Continental Railways. The sheets needed washing, so what if they were changed that morning.
9. It's 7am Sunday, all the neighborhood's sleeping but not you, oh no, its time to give the car a Tune up, so after a bit of a warm up you commence to REV the Ring out of it to clean the bugs out of her. Imagine your neighbor's ( who had a hard night on the grog) delight, not to mention your wives'.
10. Another very good way to impress her is to make sure you wear your whitest T-shirt or your best jeans whilst cleaning parts, or laying under the car, this always puts you in the good books.
11. Its been another late night Bench Session and the time has come for the boys to go their way. Before commencing to leave they begin their usual "BURN OUT" period out the front of the neighbors house. Imagine your neighbors surprise, he can see plenty of smoke but is a bit confused as to what part of his house is on fire.
12. Once again the good lady has complained about the bedroom looking like a Parts Warehouse and that the lounge room has taken on the appearance of an Automotive Library. Doesn't she know you can't keep those precious parts in the garage ( mainly because there's no bloody room), and the reason for the car magazines in the lounge room is that there's nothing good on the idiot box and besides they help to impress your mates.
13. That bloody dogs at it again, only this time he's decided to try and bury your good ring spanners. Speaking of rings - once again you're in the process of trying to use his backside as a football. Can't make out why the wife's yelling again.
Ah well such is a Hot Rodders life. (not to mention your wife's)
THE TRUE COST OF BUILDING A STREET ROD!!!!
| Purchase weekend newspapers to read "FOR SALE" advertisements (1 year) | $ 520 |
| The actual purchase of a ton of rust on four wheels | $4500 |
| Flowers for the wife to break the news of purchase | $ 45 |
| Dinner at a restaurant after argument with wife | $ 150 |
| Purchase costs - engine and gear box - including rebuild of both | $6500 |
| Parts and endless trips to Swap Meets (not including petrol costs) | $5800 |
| New lounge suit to balance the ledger and keep wife happy | $2800 |
| Construction costs - new upholstery - including roof | $6900 |
| Flowers for wife to save buying new kitchen suite | $ 45 |
| Dinner at restaurant after argument with wife | $ 150 |
| New kitchen suite | $2500 |
| Panel beating costs - spray-painting etc. | $13500 |
| New outfit for wife to save another argument | $ 625 |
| Wheels and Tyres - 15x8 at the rear & 15x 6 on the front | $2200 |
| Dinner at restaurant after argument with wife | $ 150 |
| Engineers Report, Registration, insurance and other on-road costs | $3500 |
| Dinner at restaurant to celebrate the finished project | $ 150 |
| Visit to the hairdresser after wife's first ride in an open tourer | $ 135 |
| BBQ to invite neighbours in to see the finished project | $ 175 |
| Repairs to paint work after neighbour's son drew a crayon picture | $ 675 |
| Settled out of court for clobbering neighbour's son | $ 2500 |
| New slacks and cardigan for wife so she will go on runs with you | $ 290 |
| New shoes to go with the slacks and cardigan | $ 175 |
| New hand bag to go with the shoes and slacks and cardigan | $ 85 |
| Dinner at restaurant with wife after asking her to economise | $ 150 |
| New clutch after teaching wife to drive the new car | $ 350 |
| Dinner at restaurant after shouting at wife to release the clutch slowly | $ 150 |
| Repairs to mudguard after wife's second driving lesson | $ 690 |
| Dinner at restaurant after shouting at wife to look where she's going | $ 150 |
| Speeding fine after wife drag raced young bloke at the lights | $ 135 |
| Candle lit dinner at home, can no longer afford restaurant | $ 35 |
| Advertisement in weekend paper "HOT ROD FOR SALE" | $ 21 |
| TOTAL | $33911 |
| Direct costs of building a Hot Rod | $ 29220.00 |
| Hidden costs usually not thought of | $ 4691.00 |
All costs are based on how well one can avoid confrontation in the home, but have been known to be considerably higher if a new family car or a family holiday is needed to successfully get the Hot Rod completed!!!!!!
Modified from story discovered in Dandenong Valley Historic Car Club Newsletter.
