So join us, in the cult of the Omniscient Guru. No suicides, no strange uniforms, no hordes of faceless brainwashed people with blank stares and slack jaws hanging around in airport terminals selling paper flowers for donations and preaching the everlasting love and peace of the aliens in the ship circling nearby comets. In fact, you don't even have to show up at any meetings or anything.

                Just sign up below, and you will receive your very own unique Cult of the Omniscient Guru Title, and the responsibility to cleanse the heathens and show them the light of the Omniscient Guru. Unless you don't feel like it.

                While you're here, check out the Order of the Omniscient Guru, our local terrorist organization. Or you could scroll down to check out our high ranking members, and our holy obligations. Join up via the email link at the bottom of the page. Or, just glance around, and enjoy the psuedo-religious and brainwashed atmosphere.

                T'ler, the Exceptionally High Priest of the Omniscient Guru
                Corloth, the Ordained Monk of Remarkably Little Yearning
                So-Crates, the Snickering Quasi-Rabbi of Merciless Enlightenment
                James Zirbes, the Enraged Acolyte of Exceptional Personal Hygiene

The holy obligations of an Acolyte of the Omniscient Guru ~

-Snicker at the non-beleivers.
-Make sure to snicker them good, none of this half-baked partial snickering I heard tell of.
-Dance, Dance, Dance, I say!
-Turn all questions to the Omniscient Guru, and abide by his immortally flawless wisdom.
-Encourage all your friends to join the Cult of the Omniscient Guru.
-Make them go to the Tylerian Underground's International Headquarters.
-Tell them if they don't, you'll snicker at them.
-Spread the word of the Omniscient Guru throughout the web.
-Spread the word of the Omniscient Guru beyond the web.
-Make up excuses that begin "my religion forbids me to . . . " in order to avoid any of the following: work, school, chores, assignments, responsibilities of any sort, and social niceties.