Anyway, I'm a big fan of Bakshi's, as he's one of the few American animators I actually emulate. I love his technique of filming scenes and painting over the human characters to give his work an amazingly fluid and life-like look that no one else has been able to match. My personal opinion of The Lord of the Rings, once again reminding you I've never read any of the three installments, is that this is a quality film. It's not the best I've seen out of Bakshi, but it is an excellent movie none-the-less. It's much different in comparison to the style of pretty much EVERY aspect of Rankin-Bass's THE HOBBIT, not only in the animation and illustration styles, but also the soundtrack and maturity level of the project is much different. Whereas THE HOBBIT's soundtrack was old world ballads and charming little minstrel songs, The Lord of the Rings opts for a much more traditional "high adventure" (as opposed to High Karate, which would just be silly) soundtrack ala Conan the Barbarian, loaded with booming scores and instrumental action for the ears. I like both styles, and I think that both fit well with their separate animations, the ballads with the softer, more fantastic illustrations of The Hobbit and the epic orchestral with the more realistic, fluid Bakshi method here. As far as maturity level, though we all hate to admit it, The Hobbit is aimed at a younger audience, toning things down so as not to piss off the parents. Meanwhile, Bakshi pushes the envelope further, including violent battle scenes complete with blood flying and set in a much darker back drop. He's also not afraid to tackle the questionable sexuality of a certain hobbit either, all of which attribute to the film's PG rating.

Anyway, now that you have a better idea of what to expect, I'll stop stalling and get on with the show, like the trained monkey I am. When we last left the fuzzy footed hobbit known as Bilbo Baggins, he had finished up an adventure that few hobbits would ever be able to lay claim to. Bilbo traveled all across the land of Middle Earth (ancient Earth before the time of recorded history), slaying giant spiders, battling orcs and goblins, out witting German elves and a twisted frog man, watching an entire war play out and even lending a hand in the defeat of the infamous dragon Smaug. Bilbo didn't walk away empty handed from this little quest though, as he took with him a few bags of gold, an enchanted knife he dubbed "Sting" and enough tales to fill a best selling autobiography he came to call "A Hobbit's Holiday". He also walked away with a little something else: the deadliest weapon the world has ever seen. That's right, Bilbo came into possession of a little trinket called the Master Ring. Allow me to elaborate. Okay, as the opening of THE LORD OF THE RINGS tells us, long ago in Middle Earth's past, the "early years of the second age" to be exact, a group of Elven 'smiths forged 19 magical rings of power. 9 of these went to mortal men, 7 to the lords of the dwarves and the final 3 to the elf kings. It's not explained WHY these rings were created, or what powers they held, but it is explained that a shady character by the name of Sauron, the Dark Lord (now there's a happy little title), also took up the hobby of crafting powerful finger decorations, crafting for himself the all powerful Master Ring... this can't be good.

The Master Ring commanded mastery over the 19 elven made rings, giving Sauron the power he needed to rule the world. Tolkien's known for the social commentaries that underlie his work, so I guess these 19 rings are meant to symbolize some kind of technological advances, and how easily it is for a sinister influence to control these technologies for his/her own despotic intentions... I'm sure it's far deeper than that, but I write reviews of movies for fun, I'm not a sociopolitical nit-picker who interprets the works of others so as to fuck with other people's heads and ruin the books they love. I leave that up to high school English teachers. So, it seemed that Sauron and his dark forces were invincible and Middle Earth was doomed. But, this bad ass Dark Lord was not to rule for as long as he expected, as he was cut down on the battlefield courtesy of an unseen attacker by the name of Prince Izyldmer (I'm not looking up that name to learn the spelling you bastards, so just stick with that for the time being) who snuck up on the evil warlord and planted his blade in the fucker's back, utilizing probably the least noble method of combat in this or any other reality. Hey, I like it when the good guys fight dirty! It works so well, I'm surprised the heroes don't pull that kind of stunt more often! So, having defeated the villain, Prince Izzy claimed the Master Ring for his own. However, unbeknownst to the Prince, by not destroying the cursed ring he left the door wide open for Sauron to return to the land of the living, spelling trouble for anyone in this movie.

Over the following years the ring would pass from one greedy son of a bitch to the next, usually as a result of violent struggles caused by self-powering motivations. Meanwhile, the Dark Lord began to rebuild his power, finding the 9 power rings given to the humans and slaying their owners, taking not only their rings but their Pumas and their Raiders jackets... yeah, I know that jokes a little dated, but hey, I'm older than time, so anything in the past century is like 12 seconds for me, so this is some pretty cutting edge material in my book... which happens to be the Necronomicon... like I said, Sauron was back and he'd claimed the 9 rings of man, so now he's on the look out for his Master Ring so he can once again sit on his throne at the top of the world (and hopefully kill Leonardo DiCraprio while he's up there... remember, cutting edge here). Not one to do his own dirty work, Sauron transformed the former owners of his rings into the dreaded ring wraiths, 9 phantasmal warriors who are doomed to roam Middle Earth in search of the Master Ring for their evil creator, striking terror into the hearts of those who stand in their way... right before cleaving said hearts from their chests and showing them to their owners before feasting on them! Well, some of that last part is my interpretation of what happens, but it sounds pretty cool if you ask me. So, where's this fucking fancy ring after all this time? Why, it sits on Bilbo Baggins's mantle inside a little envelope, awaiting the day that it will be passed on to a new owner...

And that day has come. 17 years after Bilbo leaves his little village of Hobbiton to retire in the lands beyond, Gandalf the grey wizard returns to pass the ring on to Bilbo's nephew Frodo, who must destroy it in the fiery pits that gave it birth: Mt. Doom. Wait, doesn't Doctor Doom have a volcano fortress called Mt. Doom? Or was that an evil roller coaster ride in Latverian Disney Land? Uhm, unless you're a fan of Marvel's "The Fantastic Four", then you likely have no idea of what the fuck it is I'm blabbering on about, so I'm just wasting precious space and time. Shit.

Okay, time is money and I'm already living off of unemployment checks and sperm donation payments, so I think I'll shut up and get to the point. After bestowing upon Frodo the terrible weight of his mission and the history of the item he now possesses, Gandalf sends Frodo on his way, joined by his effeminate traveling companion Samwise (believed to be the first gay hobbit) and his cousins Marron (a guy named Mary) and Pippin. Like a pre-FBI Middle Earthian Citizen Relocation Program, Gandalf also gives Frodo the new name of Mr. Underhill... you know, because he's a hobbit, and they live under hills... then again, they also have pointy ears and hairy feet, but I guess Mr. Freakishly Hairy Fairy Man wouldn't be the most subtle of names for a hobbit in hiding. Meanwhile, Gandalf heads to the leader of his local wizards union, the white wizard Saruman, for advice on what to do about the ring and the evil Sauron. He gets the classic backstabbing of a lifetime though, as Saruman, in a move that would make a WWF villain proud, turns on his "old friend" and entraps him in a magical barrier, threatening to hold the wizard there for eternity if he doesn't cough up that magic ring for him to use in his own greedy ambition! Macho Man Randy Savage, eat your steroid pumpin' heart out!

As for our four hobbits, they meet up at a local village with the human ranger Strider, who offers to help lead them through the local wild country on their quest to destroy the ring. Hot on their trail though are them black rider bastards the ring wraiths. When Frodo attempts to use the power of the ring against them, he finds it to be more danger than aide, as it actually phases him into the dark world-between-worlds of the wraiths, allowing one of them to get in a hit with it's sword, breaking off the tip in his shoulder and poisoning the young hobbit upon his return to the plane of the living. Now, if they don't find help for little Frodo, he's fucked. On their journey, the group next meets the elvish archer Legolas, who takes them to see King Elrond (who resembles Jeremy Irons in this incarnation) in the elven kingdom of Rivendale. On the way there our gang gets a second visit from the wraiths, and Frodo is saved at the last minute by Gandalf, who continues the tradition of the "my the skin of their ass" saves he began with Frodo's uncle Bilbo, by drowning the wraiths with Elrond's help in a raging river of magic. When Frodo awakens Gandalf regales him with the story of his escape from Saruman's trap with the help of his friend, the king of the eagles, whom we met back in The Hobbit... and no, it's not Don Felder, nor Glenn Frey, though that Will Farrell and Ben Stiller SNL skit freaked me out! "You eat like this!".

After running into uncle Bilbo at Rivendale, Frodo is called to a meeting of the big guys as they try to figure out what the best course of action is to destroy the cursed ring. We also learn that Strider is actually Aragorn, a descendant of Prince Izzy, the guy who originally got the sucker punch on Sauron with his broad sword! This means he's also the rightful heir to the ring, but when Frodo offers it's agreed that, being human, even Aragorn would be easily corrupted by it's nefarious influences, so Frodo must continue on as the bearer.

Following the meeting, uncle Bilbo gives Frodo a few items to help him along the way, including an armored t-shirt and his old dependable butter knife Sting, and Frodo heads out once more, joined by Samwise, Mary, Pippin, Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli the dwarf and Boromir the human, a 9 member fellowship of heroes to combat the 9 lost souls of the ring wraiths. The fellowship's adventures soon find them battling a squid like lake monster, a mob of orcs and their cave troll pet (who really doesn't look a whole lot different in comparison to the orcs), inner turmoil and a demonic beast called a Balrog (with a lion's head, bat wings, a flaming sword and a whip), whom Gandalf must sacrifice himself to so his fellow heroes can escape... and all this in something like 10 minutes! After making their escape, the group makes camp, and Boromir's human weaknesses show through, as the ring's corruption works on him already. Instead of destroying the ring, he wants Frodo to use it to destroy Sauron and his evil minions. Though this may sound like a good idea, Frodo knows it would ultimately lead to his corruption and that of those around him, drowning the world is darkness anyway, with or without Sauron. Following his argument with the human, Frodo sets out on his own to finish the quest, with only Sam coming along to help. After they're gone, Mary and Pippin are kidnapped by a party of orcs, who mistake them for the ring-bearing hobbits they're looking for... so hobbits are like the Middle Earth representation of the Chinese. Err, as I was saying, the duo are captured, and only Boromir, proving his intention aren't evil, just confused, attacks the monsters, fending them off in the effort to help his hobbit pals escape. Instead he's eventually cut down and Mary and Pippin are recaptured anyway... oh well, it's the thought that counts, right?

When they awaken, the others of the fellowship give their fallen comrade a Viking funeral before they head off to make their own attempt at saving the kidnapped hairballs, deciding that Frodo and Sam have carved out their own fates and it's all up to them now. Speaking of Frodo and Sam, they run into the ring's former own, Gollum, who's been stalking them in an attempt to reclaim his "Precious". But, instead of killing the twisted reptilian creature, they decide to take him along as their guide to the cursed land of Mordor, controlling him with the power and influence of the Master Ring. Back at the orc camp, they lose their hobbit captives when a rogue band of orc slaying humans, lead by the land's excommunicated prince, allowing Pippin and Mary to run off into the nearby forest for cover, bumping into a forest spirit named Treebeard, a walking, talking Elm tree who, uhm, walks... and talks... a little. Obviously not as interesting a scene as we were expecting, we jump now to our search party of Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, who are rejoined by Gandalf and revel in his tale of traveling to the very depths of Hell with the Balrog before defeating it and clawing his way back to the surface, where he wandered aimlessly until meeting up with his friends once more... and now he's got a spiffy white outfit instead of his blue-grey robe and hat he was strolling around in earlier. Sign of a transformation? Perhaps an ascent from grey wizard to white wizard? That's not really focused on, but it gives us something to consider. Gandalf doesn't come alone though, as he brings with him bad news.

Looks like Saruman's not done with his role in the story just yet, as he and his own army of orcs are preparing to lay waste to the kingdom of Arduras, where the man in charge, King Theoden, is under the evil influences of his (ill) adviser Grimer Wormtongue. Grimer has been poisoning Theoden with ideas that he's ill, that there's no hope and that he should simply give up his kingdom to Lord Sauron... then again, what do you expect when you hire a guy named "Grimer Wormtongue"?! It's not exactly a trustworthy name! It's like hiring a guy named Bill Kazinski to deliver mail, a man named Joe Wayne-Gacey to entertain at your kid's birthday party, or a woman named Dana Bobbit to give you a handjob! You should just know better! Luckily for the forces of good, Gandalf opens Theoden's eyes to Wormtongue's true nature, just in time to bring him to his senses about the oncoming attack and to prepare his army in the best way possible. While the king and his forces, joined by Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli hold off the orcish onslaught, they finally decide the only noble thing to do against such one-sided odds is to make a mad rush into the crowd, swords swinging and ready to die a noble warrior's death! That need not come to pass though, as Gandalf, as always, comes to the rescue at the last moment, bringing with him a small army of back-up, which sends the orc battalion packing with the mere sight of them. In case you didn't know, orcs are relatively cowardly creatures by nature, so it's not really a surprise they run from what could possibly be a fair fight. Either way, thus ends our story with King Theoden and the kingdom of Arduras secured from the forces of evil, while the hobbits remain scattered and unattended, never to be heard from again, as the budget supposedly ran out and the The Lord of the Rings trilogy could not be fully adapted... until Rankin-Bass took over and put out The Return of the King.

As I stated earlier in this review, I'm a big fan of Bakshi's direction, and I thought that The Lord of the Rings was as excellent outing... unlike The Outing... but that's not the point. Again, as I stated earlier, I think the Conan type soundtrack and the darker, more nightmarish animation style that is apparent in all Bakshi's works, helps convey the true horror of Mt. Gloom and the conditions under which the story takes place. Even when the forced of good manage to pull out their little victories, you know things aren't even close to being put right, as the dark tones and constant dread remain throughout. I was very pissed about the point where the movie cuts off. It's a good thing that Rankin and Bass did put out their rendition of "Return Of The King", the third installment of the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, or else I would have to either read the books or hate Ralph Bakshi, and kinda like a literary version of Jesse Ventura in Predator, "I ain't got time to read".

Another negative aspect of the film was Samwise. I'm glad that Bakshi didn't ignore the idea that Sam's a fag, but he was so fruity and half-witted that it just got really annoying really quick. I have no problem with gay hobbits, as long as they keep off of two things: me and my nerves. Also, one final note, though I like the fluid motions and realism of Bakshi's "paint over the film" animation method, there are cases throughout the movie that this didn't exactly work to the advantage of the viewers. For instance, when the fellowship battle the orcs and their cave troll in the ruins of the dwarven caves, I honestly couldn't tell the cave troll apart from the orcs! Also, this method did make the orcs seem a bit TOO human like, as they ran and held the posture of rioting punk humans, not misformed mutants. Oh well, can't have it the way we want it all the time I suppose.

H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Rating:
- Much more appropriate for party viewing than the Rankin-Bass movies, this flick's darker, more violent and has plenty to riff on. Go go Ralph Bakshi!

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: Fire and Ice or The Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring

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