Before reading this review, we suggest checking out Fistula's F13 Intro first!
With this third installment of the Friday the 13th saga, Jason moves into the modern era and establishes himself as an enduring cultural icon in a post-Vietnam society. But mostly, he steals a hockey mask from a porky guy and kills a bunch of goofy teenagers in what would become the baddest, bloodiest spring break ever.
Director Steve Minor returns to the helm after a strong effort on previous installment, but it’s clear right off the bat that this, which takes place one day following Jason’s original massacre, wouldn’t be a regurgitation of the last one. First of all, where’d Jason’s hair go? Second, how’d he gain two inches and 30 pounds of skull-crushing power? Third, oh my god, he’s COMING OUT OF THE SCREEN AT ME! Aside from giving Jason a complete physical overhaul for the better, F13-3D’s claim to fame is that it was originally shown in goofy 3-D technology, which of course means that there would be a whole lot of things thrust at the camera. We should forgive them, though, because in 1982, filmmakers probably didn’t have the foresight to consider the fact that it would look incredibly goofy to the home video audience 20 years later. As for seeing it in 3-D, good luck on that endeavor – it’s probably not going to happen.
Anyway, the storyline follows the early template of mostly killing people but at least trying to have a little story going on the side. Chris (played by Dana Kimmell…oops, that’s two androgynous names. She’s a she if you must know) drags a group of one-dimensional acquaintances to go out to her summer home on Crystal Lake for some reason that we’re not immediately allowed to know. Once out there, she meets up with an old boyfriend named Rick, a self-described “dumb country boy.” There’s not much good that can come of that, but the fact that he’s not Toby Keith is always a plus and makes him somewhat redeemable. Everybody pairs off and each pair does its own thing. One of those things is pissing off three bikers at a gas station, which insights them to follow them back to the house. As you can probably surmise, all these people – 10 in all, plus two purposeless characters at the beginning of the movie – get their worlds fucked up by the man behind the mask himself.
The most notable change for this movie is, of course, that you can call him the man behind the mask and not be called a fucking idiot by people who’ve actually seen the first two. Much to the delight of viewers and marketing executives, Jason creates a little movie history about an hour into the movie when he kills a geek, borrows his old-fashioned hockey mask and never gives it up. As far as the Jason character goes, it’s obvious that he’d learned quite a bit from the previous day’s carnage because he’s now a seasoned vet at the killing game. Jason (played wonderfully by Richard Brooker), who just yesterday was getting kicked in the nuts, botching routine kills and looking like a dirty hippy, has now mastered important tricks such as walking around a house undetected as unsuspecting victims having sex, throwing dead bodies through windows at dramatic moments and borrowing the famous closet scene from Halloween to insight terror. Though I’m in the minority on this, the Jason makeup is the best of the pre-death era (most fans would probably vote for Savini’s in The Final Chapter, but more on that later) and perfectly captures the scary retard motif that Jason would probably really have going considering what he always looks like as a drowning child in flashbacks.
It should also be noted that this is the only movie where Jason is never suspected as the killer – in all of the other Jason-helmed killing sprees, there’s always at least one character that figures out who he is. This time around, he’s recognized by Chris as *spoiler* the guy who attacked her the last time she was at Crystal Lake and has since traumatized her. It turns out that this is her reason for returning to Crystal Lake, to overcome her fears. But, unlike Ginny in Part 2, she doesn’t suspect that he is really the famous drowned boy that is supposed to be decaying at the bottom of the lake.
Character wise, F13-3D is expectedly lackluster but does offer at least one memorable character in Shelley (played by Larry Zerner), the goofy makeup geek who thinks faking his own death is high comedy. There are also some very memorable deaths, including Rick getting his head crushed (in what would later become Jason’s trademark finishing maneuver) and losing an eye and Andy, whose only personal characteristic is liking to walk on his hands, being delightfully run through while in his favorite position. The ending is right on and pretty thrilling. Even a goofy dream sequence, in which Mrs. Voorhees emerges from the water and pulls Chris under, is worth it for a bloody, hissing, unmasked Jason giving chase and reminding us just how terrifying he can be.
Though I’m nitpicking here, F13-3D loses a little bit for me because it doesn’t take itself seriously, because Jason apparently went on that "Extreme Makeover" sometime since the second movie and because he doesn’t seem to be at all bothered by the fact that he had a machete buried several inches deep in his shoulder just a few hours ago. But screw that jive, it’s a great group movie and has deservedly become a fan favorite. It’s got everything the casual horror fan looks for and is a great way to indoctrinate a non-believer into the wonderful world of Jason. As much of a triumph as this movie was, Jason’s best days were still ahead of him.
