Feeling Unloved

Last Saturday when I had a session with one of my regulars not really regular, let's say dependable, trading swats guys, we talked about being tops, and being bottoms, and enjoying pain, and why we trade. And I said I'm really not in love with the pain of the swats, I really dread each one as it comes, well not really, but I'm not eager to get beat on. I said I really probably enjoy seeing the other guy bent in front of me and turning his butt red and the process of whacking away at it. Not really a sadist. But I think I really want to be a top, but think that being a top has as much to do with personality as it does with enjoying giving pain, and I don't think I act like a top. So I trade. Kind of like the give and take, the challenge, the anticipation. It's sort of like sport, the agony and defeat, you know.

But one of the greatest defeats for me is the constant having to chase after guys who say they like this stuff, but then don't really seem to want to do it. There's no end to the excuses, and of course I know we all have lives and whacking butt should not be on the top of anybody's list, not even mine. But I don't think I have a top personality and yet I always end up being the agressor. More of a nag trying to get guys to play. Even when you got a whole group of guys who say they're interested in this stuff, not much response.

Just rambling thoughts.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tradingswats/

tradingswats@yahoo.com