...Everything Vanishes...

December 2003

Here are all my blog entries for the month of December year 2003. ^^

Wednesday - December 31, 2003

There's a lot of bullshit going on in my life right now. You know, it sucks that just when I think things are getting better, something always happens and I get thrown all the way back down to the bottom. I'm suddenly reminded of the song Gravity by A Perfect Circle (which inspired my first layout). I don't really have time to go on about everything - I have to leave for work in an hour. -_- Yeah, it sucks that I have to work New Year's Eve. I hope we close early tonight - I'd like to actually have a chance to celebrate New Year's tonight.

Speaking of which, the planet Saturn will be visible tonight. Of course, anyone who knows me, knows why I would be extremely excited about this. I was kinda hoping that maybe Nick and I could ring in the new year while sittingoutside under the stars, arguing over which bright dot was Saturn. But due to some unfortunate events, it doesn't look like that will be happening. *sigh* I'm extremely sad right now. I feel as though my heart and soul are about to fall out of my chest. It's not a pleasant feeling.

I could write so much more. But if I get started, I won't be able to stop. And that might not be the best idea right now. There is good news, however. Susan will be working with me tonight, so I'll have time to talk to her about things. She seems to be the only person who really understands me. I've yet to find myself at odds with her.

I'm trying so hard to stay positive. And failing miserably, I'm afraid. Apparently everyone I know has voted me Drama Queen of the Year (Century?) and that really hurts. It's bad enough that they all get together and talk about me behind my back. They don't know me. They don't want to know me. And that makes me sad. Because I want them to know me. Even if they didn't like me.

Anyway, back to Saturn. I don't have a telescope. And anyone I know who would have one isn't wanting to be contacted. Because I've called and called and gotten no one. So, looks like I'll be outside at 12:00 a.m., alone and lonely, trying desperately to find the star that is mine and wishing I hadn't lost my glasses while at AGS.

I don't hate you. I just hate myself.