One day before SMAT
MeatMan shows up at Dare Devil's shack and knocks on the door and pulls out Dare Devil and says "Get your ass out here Dare Devil mother fucker!" He then proceeds to throw Dare Devil into the shack. "That's fucking right!" Meat Man talks more trash and then throws Dare Devil on a old car. Meat Man talks more trash and then chokeslams Dare Devil out of his mind onto the top of the car. Meat Man talks a little bit more trash and then walks off.

Cracker defeats The Punk via Pinfall to move into Round 2
The Punk makes his way to the ring first taunting the camera with his baseball bat. Cracker makes his entrance next with an ironing board in hand and walks toward the camera and cuts a promo: "Got me on camera? Good. This is what I'm gonna do to the Punk. First of all I'm gonna take this ironing board and stick way up his fucking ass so he can't have gay butt sex with men anymore. And after that..." At this point, The Punk blasts Cracker of the head with his bat. Followed by another bat shot and several kicks. He then bulldogs Cracker. Cracker is able to make a comeback however and kick the Punk several times. The Punk comes back with a flying kick, nailing Cracker right in the forearm. The Punk goes for more, but Cracker nails The Punk right in the crotch followed by several kicks. Cracker lets The Punk get to his feet and The Punk tries clotheslining Cracker but Cracker reverses it into a Crippler Crossface. The Punk is able to squirm out of hit and puts Cracker in a chokehold. The Punk then grabs a cookie sheet and whacks Cracker over the head with it followed by a weird fameasser. Cracker gets up and clotheslines The Punk. Cracker picks up the Punk and vertical suplexes him out his mind! The Punk lies there dead, moaning in pain. Cracker takes advantage of this and nails the Punk with a cookie sheet. He then picks up the bat and whacks The Punk with it several times. Cracker attempts to pick up the Punk but the Punk hits a low blow followed by a clothesline with the bat and several hits. Cracker gets back up now and superkicks The Punk right in the face followed by hard ass bat shot. Cracker then uses his ironing board and hits the Punk a couples times with it. Cracker then picks up The Punk and Hard Scoop Slams him. Cracker climbs to the top of a 12 ft brick archway nearby and jumps off!!! But The Punk is back up and punches Cracker before he lands to the ground. The Punk then dominates for a while with some weapons and stomps to the head. Cracker is able to reverse the momentum however and hit the Punk with the bat a couple of times. He then picks up a pizza pan and nails The Punk over the head with it after a running start. Cracker then hits the Punk a few times more with it and then DDTs him. This followed by a tombstone piledriver from Cracker and more cookie sheet hits. Cracker walks off to grab his ironing board and The Punk gets to his feet. The two face off and then Cracker throws the ironing board at the Punk and hits him in the head. Cracker covers for the pin but only for a two count. The Punk then comes back with a really hard cookie sheet shot to Cracker's temple! The Punk then tries to throw Cracker against a brick wall but Cracker stops this and punches The Punk really hard in the head, sending The Punk to the ground. Cracker then rolls up The Punk again only for a two count. The Punk is back up but he is met with Cracker's boot under his chin. The Punk gets up but he is met with a sweet snapmare from Cracker. Cracker starts getting cocky and taunts the Punk. He starts walking away but the Punk runs up behind him and blasts him in the knee. This is followed by many cookie sheet shots to Cracker's knee. The Punk then throws the ironing board at Cracker and drop kicks him. Cracker is back up though and punches The Punk from behind. This followed by a scary ass jumping pile driver onto the ironing board! Cracker falls to the ground from exhaustion while The Punk lay on the ground in pain also. The two finally get to their feet but the Punk strikes first with a Punk Out (x-factor) followed by a legdrop. The Punk covers for the pin only for a two count. Cracker gets back up and does a hard backtoss to The Punk. Cracker hits The Punk a few times with the bat and then leads him over to the archway where he stuns him and places the ironing board on top of him. Cracker then gets up on the brick wall and does a flying elbow drop off it onto The Punk! He covers for the pin and the victory. Cracker raises his arms in victory and then shouts out "Bitch!" and stomps on the Punk and then hits him with a pizza pan. Cracker walks away but The Punk gets up and then says "I'm not going down without a fight!" The Punk goes for a midair kick on Cracker but Cracker dodges it. Cracker then proceeds to beat on the Punk for a while.

Between Match Happenings
UWC World Champion, Cadwalider Giskaas cuts a promo in nearby flower garden: "I am Cadwalider Giskaas, Champion of the Ultimate Wrestling Challenge and this is a garden as like many of mine at my palace in Norway but it such a shame that no individual American could own a garden of this splender. Speaking of splender, it is much like what my match against Meat Man man will be. It is going to be splenderous... many splenders. Cut the damn tape!"

Cadwalider Giskaas defeats Meat Man via pinfall to move into Round 2
Giskaas makes his way to the grassed ring first taking many bows. Meat Man is next and he comes out and stares down with Giskaas. He then knees Giskaas in the gut and goes for some kind of move but it is reversed into a Cadwalider Club to Neck. Meat Man shouts out "WHAT THE HELL?" and gets back up and sambo suplexes Giskaas to the ground. Both men are to their feet now but Meat Man strikes first and STOs Giskaas to the ground. Giskaas is back up though and he picks Meat Man up and throws him to the ground. Meat Man gets back up though and does a standing suplex to Cadwalider!!! Giskaas almost shits his pants. Giskaas gets back up but Meat Man throws him to the ground. Meat Man goes to punch Giskaas but Giskaas moves and Meat Man punches the ground and lets out a "OOOHHH!" in the process. Meat Man gets pissed and goes after Giskaas but he is met with another Cadwalider Club to Neck! This just suprises Meat Man because he gets right back up and OLYMPIC SLAMS Giskaas!!! Meat Man then goes for a German Suplex but Giskaas is able to reverse it and land on top of Meat Man. He then picks Meat Man up and throws him to the ground once again followed by an elbow drop. Meat Man is back up though and DDTs Giskaas. He then leads him over to a table nearby and Chunky Meat Drives (tombstones) him. This is not enough however because Meat Man wants to use that table. He sets Giskaas up for a backdrop but he loses his balance and he crashes through the table. Giskaas quickly covers for the pin and the victory. Meat Man then says "What the hell was that?" He goes after Giskaas but The Punk who just doesn't seem to go away runs in and blasts a light bulb over Meat Man's head. Giskaas and the Punk proceed to beat up Meat Man for a while and then Cracker comes in to help Meat Man but they beat on him too. Meat Man and Cracker finally able to reverse the momentum but The Punk and Giskaas run off.

Cracker defeats Dare Devil & The Punk in a 3-way match to determine official UWC Representitive
The Punk makes his way out first with a couple of cookie sheets in hand. He makes his way over a table and stands by it. Next up is Dare Devil who decides that it is cool to hit himself with pizza pans. Cracker is next in new threads and he runs out and drop kicks Dare Devil and stomps away on The Punk. He then grabs a cookie sheet and blasts both guys with it and then get hard ass running kick to Dare Devil's gut. Dare Devil and The Punk decided that they have enough and finally start teaming up on Cracker with leg drops and weapon shots. Cracker gets back up and The Punk throws a pizza pan at him like a frisbee and the kicks him. Cracker gets back up though and gets some hard ppunches to Dare Devil's face and back but he is soon met with a hard clothesline from The Punk. Dare Devil picks Cracker up and seems to be putting him in a headlock but Cracker reverses it with a jawbreaker. Cracker then goes after The Punk and manages to pull off a DDT, but he is met with a nice cookie sheet shot from Dare Devil right after that. Dare Devil takes control and snapmares Cracker and punches the Punk in the back. This doesn't last long however because Cracker comes back and punches Dare Devil in the face and then leads him over to the table. Cracker then Sambo Suplexes Dare Devil's ass right through the table! Right after that, The Punk comes by with the cookie sheet and blast Dare Devil over the head with it. The Punk acts like he is going after Dare Devil again but he turns and blasts Cracker with the cookie sheet. The Punk then picks up the broken table and throws it on Dare Devil. The Punk then jumps on it and Cracker does a flip onto it. The Punk jumps on it again and Cracker stomps on it for a while. The Punk goes for the pin on Dare Devil but Cracker immediately breaks it up with a pizza pan shot to The Punk's head. Cracker then picks up Dare Devil and verticaly suplexes him onto the broken table! Which is then followed by a legdrop from The Punk. The Punk covers Dare Devil for the pin but Cracker punches him in the head to break it up. Cracker picks Dare Devil up again and suplexes him one more time on the broken table. The Punk takes advantage of both competitors being on the ground and hits them with cookie sheets. He then covers Cracker for only a two count. Cracker gets up and ddts Dare Devil. This is immediately followed by a bulldog to Cracker from The Punk. Dare Devil then runs up and tackles The Punk from behind, but Cracker is there with a pizza pan shot to Dare Devil's scull. The Punk and Cracker then have a slugfest until The Punk lays out Cracker. The Punk takes advantage of Cracker being on the ground and straps on the good ol' Camel clutch. Cracker is able to squirm out and drop kick The Punk and do the same to Dare Devil. Cracker runs off somewhere and The Punk and Dare Devil fight it out. The Punk comes running at Dare Devil and tries doing some kind of midair kick but misses and falls flat on his ass. Dare Devil then hits The Punk a few times with a pizza pan followed by a elbow drop. Dare Devil then picks up The Punk and throws him into a nearby trashcan. Dare Devil then blasts The Punk a couple times with the cookie sheet sending him to the ground, but lookout! Here comes Cracker. He grabs Dare Devil and starts leading him over to the brick archway nearby. The Punk is timid however and interferes with a piece of broken table. He blast both Cracker and Dare Devil with it. He isn't quick to react however and Cracker whacks The Punk over the head with it. This dazes the Punk. The Punk throws a punch at Cracker but Cracker ducks and hits the Cracker Crunch (stunner). Cracker then comes back to Dare Devil and snapmares him and then sets him up for a suplex, but here comes the Punk. The suplex turns into a double suplex and Dare Devil nearly dies. Cracker then goes for the suplex on The Punk but the Punk reverses and suplexes Cracker. The Punk and Dare Devil fight it out for a while and then The Punk ddts Dare Devil. Cracker reacts on this and throws Dare Devil onto a already broken table by the archway. Cracker then climbs the top of the brick wall and swanton dives right off it onto Dare Devil!!! Cracker's glory is over soon because The Punk is there with a big piece of plywood, and blasts Cracker over the head with it. Cracker is able to shrug it off somehow and stuns The Punk. He then walks over to Dare Devil and talks some trash a long the way. He hits the stunner and covers for the pin and the win. The Punk is pissed about this and yells at the ref: "HE KICKED OUT! ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING!?" The Punk throws a punch at Cracker but Cracker reverses it and DDT's The Punk. Cracker then shouts out "DON'T FUCK WITH ME! WINNER, CAUCASIAN HEAT, AGAIN!" The Punk gets up and punches Cracker in the back and then beats on him for a while. He finally does The Punk Out (x-factor) and shouts out "WHO'S THE WINNER NOW BITCH?" Out of nowhere Meat Man runs in and punches down on the Punk. Cracker is back up now and together Cracker and Meat Man suplex The Punk to hell and then they leave.

Between Match Happenings
Phantom and Giskaas are talking to eachother. Phantom: "You did such a great job unlike Dare Devil! What an idiot! What a damn idiot! I don't know if we should have him in the Darkside!" At this point Commissioner Runner interupts and grabs Giskaas and yells at him: "I saw what you did to Meat Man! Next time you do that I'll stip you of the belt!" Phantom then chimes in: "Get your hands off him!" The Runner then pushes Phantom and says "See you in the ring! BITCH!"

The Punk decides he wants to cut a promo now: "Meat Man and Cracker... I am going to kick your guys' ass! Just because I did that, jumped in his match, he jumped in mine! Well, anyways I'm fit, I can hit, and I ain't take nobody's shit!" Meat Man then runs in and punches The Punk sending him to the ground now he cuts a promo: "Shut the fuck up! This is bullshit! I was destroying Cadwalider and because of a simple mistake I lost! Why!!? I punched him the face with my hand and I to bandage it because it was bleeding severely! I can't believe this! Punk, your dead! If I ever see you I'll kill you!" The Punk then responds "Yeah right bitch!" Meat Man then says "You better not run away you little pussy!" And then we cut.

Phantom, Giskaas, and Dare Devil are standing together talking. Phantom: "Great job on your match Cadwalider! Great glorious win! Mwahahahaha! and you Dare Devil did a great job of doing nothing while Cadwalider was attacked by Meat Man and Cracker! Maybe we should replace you with The Punk! What do you think of that?" (Dare Devil shakes his head no) "The Punk seemed to help him quite nicely but you were nowhere to be seen! You just better get your act straight or you might find yourself out of the Darkside! Mwahahahahahahahah!"

Phantom defeats The Runner via pinfall to move into Round 2
The Runner starts things off by running to the ring, taking off his shirt, and flexing his muscles! Phantom is next with weird laughing and grunts and docker pants. He runs up to the Runner and the Runner punches him in the face and kicks him. Phantom finally gets up and says "I am going to take off my cape to display my beautiful body unlike yours!" The Runners replies "Pathetic!" They lock up and the Runner knees Phantom in the stomach and punches him. They then exchange some karate stuff. The Runner has had enough and clotheslines Phantom followed by kick. He then says "What is this?" Phantom replies "Damn you Runner!" The Runner then picks up Phantom and does a weird take down. Phantom gets back up and shouts something and then does the pattened Phantom Slam (somoan drop) to The Runner followed by a hard ass kick to the shin. Phantom picks him up and then knees him in the head. He picks him up again and the two exchange chest chops for a few seconds. Out of nowhere The Runner locks in the Abdominable Stretch but Phantom reverses it and grabs The Runner's balls! This leads into a schoolboy where Phantom rolls the Runner up for the pin and the win. Phantom raises his hands in glory and speaks while The Runner clutches his balls. "I have beaten the Runner! I have finally got revenge! Mwahahahaha!" The Runner runs off and the Phantom chases him.

Black Shadow defeats Lover Boy by default to move into Round 2
Unfortunetly, Lover Boy got in a car wreck on his way to the Sexiest Man Alive Tournament and could not make it. So by default Black Shadow wins.

A Few Hours After Sexiest Man Alive Tournament: Round One
The Runner comes home and enters his living room "I can't believe I lost! I'm calling the Office." He picks up the phone, sits on his couch, and dials The Office's number. "Yeah, The office, yeah, He beat me... he grabbed my nuts... I kinda liked it... no, I lost... yeah, ok, we'll get revenge. Nice! Bye!" TThe Runner then gets up but he notices that Meat Man is in his house! The Runner shockingly says "What the! Why are you here? How did you get in my house!" Meat Man replies "I've got some bad news for you man... The Punk didn't win the match. Caucasian Heat won!" The Runner then says "WHAT!? I wanted The Punk to win! Dow did Caucasian wheat win!?" Meat Man replies "I don't know, but it looks like I'm going to Bismarck with him." The Runner replies "Not if I can help it!" Meat Man asks " What are you going to do boss?" The Runner then says "We're gonna kill him, yeah thats what we're gonna do and you are gonna help me!" Meat Man then says "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! But he's my friend!" The Runner then walks over to a freezer and says "Well, I got something for you if you help me!" He opens up the freezer to reveal tons of meat. Meat Man shouts out "LOOK AT THIS MEAT!" The Runner then says "I'll give you all this meat. All you have to is knock off your friend. Deer hamburger...fresh! You think about that and get back to me!" Meat Man leaves and Cracker is waiting outside. Meat Man tells him that The Runner wants to kill him. Cracker then says "Oh we'll see about that! I'll kill The Runner!" Cracker enters The Runner's house and The Runner is laying on his couch. Cracker starts choking him and yelling at him. "Bitch! You gonna die! You gonna try to kill me! I'm going to Bismarck! etc..." Cracker starts punching The Runner and keeps saying "I'm going to Bismarck over and over again. Cracker then says "You got that!? You got that commissioner!? What are you doin'? Whacking off!?" The Runner replies "I didn't say anything bad about you." Cracker replies "Meat Man told me you wanted to kill me!" The Runner then says "Well, he is a liar!" Cracker replies "Well, you better not try to kill me or I will kill the Office and you won't be going to the Bahamas for two!" The Runner: "I won't!" Cracker then tells The Runner to suck it and leaves and The Runner says "Ow!" and that is the end of SMAT Round One.