"HIDDEN FLAME" by Sarah Ryniker

STORY LAST UPDATED ON 20/05/2002

Hidden Flame Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Epilogue

CHAPTER TWO

When the girls came home from school that week, Kit was in a daze. She wouldn't speak, and simply stared straight ahead. I looked at my younger daughter with fear. I didn't know how to bring her back from the dead. But that was exactly where she was. She had died when Jacob had. She had lost one of the only things that mattered to her in her short life. I feared that I would soon lose her completely, just as I had lost Jacob.
    I worried day in and day out about Kit. Even when she was at school, my thoughts were centred on her. When Josh came back two weeks later, I barely acknowledged him, which seemed to irritate him. He kept trying to speak in a louder voice and finding little ways to bring my focus back onto him. "Phoenix, when you have a guest over, you're supposed to be courteous and friendly. You're not supposed to ignore them," he rudely interrupted my thoughts.
    My gaze quickly came back into focus to send daggers his way. "Do not tell me how to have guests over at my home. I know damn well how to entertain. I just have more important things to worry about other than whether or not you like the goddamned lemonade!"
    He was definitely taken aback. I knew I'd had a right to snap at him, but I knew I had gone over the edge a little bit. So I forced a smile and held out the cookie plate. "I'm sorry I used the Lord's name in vain. Want a cookie?" I felt vicious that day. I wanted to tear someone apart. Why not somebody who only wanted me to entertain them so they could calculate how wealthy I was before asking me for money?
    He got up from the table and backed away from me. "You're completely nuts!" he cried.
    "Well, then, I am guessing you'll not be coming back?" I asked, not disguising the excitement in my voice.
    Evidently, he didn't catch the excitement. "I will come back in about a few weeks. Maybe by then you'll have calmed down!"
    "Don't count on it, Josh. Really. I am as crazy as you think I am," I assured him, smiling brightly.
    I heard him slam out of the house, and I kept the smile on my face. I calmly lifted my glass of lemonade and drank from it. If he thought that he was fooling me he was very wrong. I wasn't going to be swayed by him. He wanted money and thought he was going to charm his way into my life. It definitely wasn't going to work.
    Three days later, on a Thursday afternoon, I got one of the most frightening phone calls from my daughters' school. "Mrs Weston, this is the principal at Freemont Private Elementary School, Ms Codwell, calling. Um, we're afraid we have some bad news for you," the principal on the other line began. I knew this was big if the principal, not the vice principal or the headmistress, was calling.
    "What is it?" I demanded. My heart began to pound with fear. What was going on? "Is everything all right with the girls? Are they behaving?" I was trying to keep my cool and not sound overly concerned, just in case it wasn't horrible.
    "Well, this is about your daughter, Kathy. She is missing. Last we saw her she was getting ready for bed with the other girls. When she didn't attend her classes the next morning, someone was sent to look for her and she was gone." She cleared her throat. "We were hoping that she had gone home."
    "No, Ms Codwell, my ten-year-old daughter is not home. Are you people so irresponsible that you can't keep track of a ten-year-old?" I felt the blood rushing to my face. I was furious and, not to mention, worried. Where was my daughter?
    "Well, ma'am, it really isn't our fault if your daughter decided to run away."
    I could tell that she had been offended by my remark. But if she wanted an argument I was more than willing to give her one. "I entrusted my child's care to you. If something were wrong with her, I would assume somebody would notice and watch her closer than normal. That is what I am paying you for, is it not?" I hissed into the phone.
    "I am terribly sorry, Mrs Weston. Please, would you mind coming down to-"
    I didn't hear the rest of the conversation. I heard the front door open and shut and Kit walked in, looking as if a train had hit her. "She is here, Ms Codwell. She just walked in. But I can assure you, I will be down there to pick up my daughter Gabriella before you lose her, too!" I hung up the phone and turned to Kit. I was going to get onto her for running away, but before I could she burst into tears and ran to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I kneeled down and wrapped my arms around her. "What is it, Kit? What made you leave?"
    "I want to go be with Daddy, Mama. I want to die, too. I miss him!" she cried. "And I can't be with him, but I can be close to him if I am here at home. I hate that school! Don't make me go back, please!" she begged.
    I held tightly to her. "It's okay. I won't make you go back there. I promise," I told her.
    I took her up to her room and helped her into bed. She fell asleep almost immediately. I sat by her bed, watching her sleep. She was a beautiful child. Before Jacob's death she had been so happy all of the time. Gabby used to tell her she needed to start taking things a little more seriously. It was an argument they often had. I always assured my older daughter that Kit would grow up someday, but not all children were mentally as old as she was.
    Now Kit was taking everything seriously. I hated seeing how miserable she was. It just wasn't like her. Kit was supposed to be happy all of the time. I wasn't supposed to look into her eyes and see the heavy depth of misery.
    I left an hour after Kit had fallen asleep to remove the girls from the school and pick Gabby up. I needed the girls closer now, anyway. We needed each other and the school was just too far away. I hated seeing them only on the weekends. It was definitely going to be a public school for them from now on.
    That night, however, was going to be the start of a long miserable path of doctors and hospitals.
    I lay asleep when Gabby came rushing into my bedroom. She shook me awake, calling my name. "Mama! Mama! Wake up! Something is wrong with Kit! I went to look in on her and while I was watching her she started shaking and throwing her body around. Now she won't wake up!" She was crying in fear.
    I jumped from my bed and rushed down the hall and into Kit's bedroom. She lay so still I didn't think she was even breathing. Fear clamped down hard on me. Not her. Not Kit, too, I silently begged God. Don't take my baby, too.
    "Gabby, go call for an ambulance!" I ordered, gaining my wits about me and sitting beside Kit to feel for a pulse. Fortunately, she was breathing, although shallow, and had a pulse. I breathed a sigh of relief. Now all I had to do was keep praying that she kept breathing and her heart kept beating.
    "It's just some form of self-defence," the doctor told me later when Gabriella and I sat side by side in Kit's room.
    "Kit would have no reason to feel she had to defend herself, though. Before her father's death she was one of the happiest, friendliest children I've ever known." I was confused. A form of self-defence? That was telling me nothing about my daughter's condition.
    "Did you get her or your other daughter," he nodded towards Gabby, "any sort of counselling after their father's death?"
    I bit my lower lip and shook my head. "It wasn't something that had come to mind," I admitted, feeling ashamed of myself. This was my fault. I should have paid more attention.
    The doctor placed his hand on my shoulder. "Don't blame this on yourself, Mrs Weston. Sometimes children just can't adjust very well to death. Especially the death of their father."
    "I should have known. She's shown signs that she's just not getting past it and I've ignored it. Thank you, Doctor, but it really is my fault," I assured him and sighed, looking over at Kit.
    "She'll be okay. It's not too late to get her help, either." He pulled a writing pallet out of his shirt pocket and jotted something down. He ripped the top piece of paper off and handed it to me. "That's the name of a really good child psychiatrist. He should do pretty well with her. My own nephew had to go see him after his grandmother's death. Well, get some rest. I'll come back to check on her in the morning."
    I stared down at the paper in my hand. I wasn't sure about taking Kit or Gabby to see a psychiatrist, but I knew that it would probably help them. I couldn't be vain and stupid about it. It didn't mean they were crazy. It just meant this man would help my children get past their father's death.
    "Well, Doctor Calvin, I guess we'll be seeing you soon," I said to the paper and then slipped it into my purse.
    Dr McKee was right about Kit. She did come out of it. She had no memory of what had happened, but when she remembered her father being dead, it hit her like it had the first time. She cried for days on end.
    I called and had the psychiatrist come meet Kit while she was still in the hospital. I sat waiting for him to come in, watching Kit stare at the TV but not really seeing it. I had sent Gabby to school. She had been reluctant, but had gone anyway. She needed something to get her mind off of Kit. She told me that she really didn't want to see Dr Calvin. She assured me that she was getting over Jacob's death. Now she was just worried about Kit.
    I sat with my leg crossed over the other, my elbow propped up on my knee and my chin resting in the palm of my hand when Dr Calvin knocked gently on the door. I was in such a daze it took a few knocks and for him to ask politely if I was Mrs Weston or not before I really noticed him.
    "Oh!" I cried and thrust my hand out. "I'm sorry. I just have so much on my mind right now. I'm not really paying attention to the world." I shook his hand. "Yes, I am Mrs Weston."
    "That's all right, Mrs Weston. I can understand how difficult it can be to cope after a spouse's death. My own wife died five years ago. I haven't even dated since then." He shook his head that was full of thick jet-black hair that was greying slightly at the temples and at the top. "I'm sorry. I normally don't run off at the mouth like that. Just trying to offer some comfort." He quickly introduced himself. "I am Doctor Alec Calvin."
    His eyes, a beautiful soft grey, were friendly. But in the depths of those friendly eyes I could see that this man had been to Hell and back. Boy, I really can relate to you, pal, I thought bitterly to myself. "Pleased to meet you, Doctor Calvin," I said with a smile.
    He gave me a slight, comforting smile. His lips were a little thin, but not terribly so. His nose was perfectly straight and not too big or small at all. The man really was handsome and didn't look like he could really ever be mean. He would be the perfect doctor for Kit. I just hoped and prayed that he could pull her out of it.
    "Well, let's see here," he began and turned to Kit and walked over to her bedside. "Hello, Kit. Can we talk for a bit?"
    At first she didn't answer him, and I placed my hand over my mouth in worry. But she slowly turned her head to look up at him. "What do you want to talk about?" she questioned suspiciously.
    It must have been something he was used to, for he didn't seem offended by her distrust. "Oh, just some things that might be bothering you. I thought you might need a friend that understands," he said, rocking back and forth on his heels.
    She looked up at him sceptically. Then she looked over to me. "Mama, why does this man want to be my friend? Isn't he too old?"
    "Kit!" I cried. "That was rude," I scolded.
    Dr Calvin merely laughed. "No, no. I'm glad she said something like that. It means she's not completely dead to the world. This child can be helped, definitely. And I mean to help her," he assured me. And I believed him with every part of my being. He could save my daughter.

Hidden Flame Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Epilogue

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