"PHOENIX" by Sarah Ryniker

PAGE LAST UPDATED ON 22/03/2002

Phoenix Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Epilogue

CHAPTER FOUR

Maybe it was the fact that nobody else seemed to care about our family packing into the three-bedroom apartment, two bedrooms upstairs and one downstairs just off the kitchen. Maybe it was the fact that Mama longed for female companionship, other than her fifteen-year-old daughter. Whatever the reason, Mama was quick to judge Aggie as nothing more than a kind, friendly neighbour with some good gossip about everyone else in the apartment complex.
    Oh, there was plenty of gossip. These people made it known that they were practically lower than dirt. I couldn't help feeling uncomfortable around Fox Hollow. They were once beautiful, according to my parents. The white apartments with the dark, chocolate brown edging. It once looked like townhouses that belonged to only the richest of people. But now they housed up to forty-five families that were far too large to live in them and were very much white trash. Most of them were drug addicts and alcoholics. People I most certainly didn't feel comfortable around. They disgusted me. How anyone could live like that was beyond my knowledge, and yet here they were. Living without a care.
    Fox Hollow was also known as Pigeon Hell to anyone who actually lived there. That was because up on the high rooftops there were hundreds and hundreds of pigeons. So many that when we would get into the car to go anywhere, the car was covered in bird droppings. It did no good to keep washing the car because it was a non-stop, vicious cycle. It was almost as if the birds were at war with everyone living there, hoping that they could scare everyone out and take over the townhouses themselves.
    Aggie's apartment was across a short path and then across the street from ours. Our apartment was in a back corner, hidden away from most everyone. Which was a good thing, considering it kept out all of Pigeon Hell's hoodlums.
    Aggie's porch, on the other hand, was always packed full because it was right in the view of everyone. Aggie was constantly annoyed with all of them. I never blamed her. They sat out there even when she and her kids weren't even there. I didn't blame her for hating it.
    I found out that the indention in her head was caused from a brain tumour that they'd removed from her head. I felt bad for her after that and forced myself to stop feeling nauseated every time I looked at her and saw it. It took awhile but eventually I got used to it being there and it was easy to accept as part of her.
    Reggie was rather annoying but could be fun in her own way. Though they said that she was sickly; the entire time that I knew her not once was she ever sick. She always seemed healthy to me. She was just a hypochondriac. Any time that she cut her finger, it seemed, she was rushed to the hospital. I guess her being born prematurely had the entire family on edge, worrying if she was going to live. Sometimes I just wanted to scream, "She's alive and she's not going to die. She's past that danger!" But I also knew that it would be pointless. So I kept quiet and I humoured them. Why not? It really wasn't my business. I was just going to stay out of it.
    Often Sundays would find us at Roller King, the roller skating arena in Modesto, the town next to us. It would be just Lynna, Celeste, Lila, Katie, Reggie, Aggie, Mama, and me. It was sort of like a girls-only thing. All of my sisters got to go. I loved to skate even if I wasn't as good at it as Celeste and Lynna, who were basically attached at the hip most of the time. Eventually, most everyone that worked there began to know us by name. That made it even better.
    Usually, Mama would skate around with us for a couple of songs then sit out with Aggie, who didn't ever skate. She said she was so afraid of falling flat on her face that she wasn't about to take the actual chance of doing so. Mama spent equal time with Aggie, that way she wouldn't feel left out. They would it and talk through about two or three songs and then she would come skate for the same amount. Mama was a magnificent skater.
    But this Sunday as we all skated around the rink, I noticed that Mama was staying out off the floor far longer than normal. When she had been out through a whole six songs, I went searching for her and Aggie. I went to the snack area, which was an area right off of the rink, only to be told that they'd been seen going outside. I assumed that they probably went out to smoke and they'd be back in. I sat down and waited for them to come back.
    When they walked in, Mama was giggling with Aggie as if they were two teenage girls rather than grown women. I raised my eyebrows in question as I skated up to them. That's when I saw someone come in behind them. I had never seen him before, but he couldn't have been much over maybe nineteen with jet-black hair and eyes as green as emeralds. He skated in behind them and wrapped an arm around each one. I stopped skating right in front of them.
    "Who is he?" I demanded instantly. I was never one to ask things subtly. I always got straight to the point.
    "Oh!" Mama said, flashing her beautiful smile. "This is Aggie's eighteen year old son, Damian. Damian, this is my daughter Phoenix." She seemed almost reluctant to introduce me. I stared at him, sizing him up, not trusting him a bit. Maybe it was all in his cocky grin and the way he held himself. I couldn't quite pinpoint it, but I just didn't trust him. Of course, I didn't really trust anyone. But there was something about Damian that just didn't fit right. Or maybe it was the way my mother was smiling up at him worshipfully.
    "Pleasure to meet you," he greeted. There was something flirtatious in his eyes that made me want to take the hand he held out towards me and break it. Instead, I held out my hand and captured his, never breaking eye contact as I squeezed it. I knew he could feel the challenge that I didn't speak out loud.
    "Yes, I am sure you are pleased to meet me," I snapped as I yanked my hand out of his grasp. Instead of wiping the arrogant grin off his face, as I had intended to do, his smile only broadened. He was handsome in a way that made all girls go weak in the knees. His eyes seemed to stare into your very soul and promise you something. His nose was so perfectly straight it looked almost as if he'd had it surgically put there. His lips were full, his bottom just a bit thicker than his top. When he smiled a dimple showed in his right cheek, making him irresistible to normal girls. But I wasn't normal. His good looks only seemed to anger me further. "I'm going to go skating," I said, sending daggers his way before turning and skating away.
    Somehow, I knew even then that Damian was about to become a part of my life that I would never forget. I didn't know how, and I didn't know what was going to happen. I just could feel it in my very bones.
    Damian started spending time at our apartment after that. Never when Dad was home, but always when he was at work. It became something we all expected. Damian would show up every night. Sometimes he had his guitar with him and he'd play and sing. If he wasn't at our apartment doing that then he was on his front porch, singing away while every female in the townhouses stood or sat staring dreamily while they listened to him sing. It irritated me how much they all adored him. Sure he was good looking and talented, but he was also arrogant and had no real future. Most of the time he sat around getting drunk with his buddies.
    One day as I made my way across the street to Aggie's apartment, I had to pass him and his neighbour, George, who was a thirty-year-old drunk who lived with his sister. I hated doing so. One of the girls named Amy, who was well known for her promiscuity, stood out alongside Reggie as Damian played the guitar and sang. As I passed by George, who didn't like me and always wanted to do nothing but get my mother into bed with him, rudely belched right at me. The girls and he started laughing.
    "Wow, George, you sure are intelligent to think that one up," I bit out in my sarcastically sweet voice. I stopped to look down at him with disgust. "Why don't you go get a job? You like being a loser?" He laughed as if I hadn't insulted, but had made the most hilarious joke of the year. "Okay, it wasn't that funny." I was highly annoyed with him. I knew that adults could be immature, but I never knew that I would meet the king of all idiots.
    "Yeah, it was." He stopped laughing and glared at me. "You know, your Mama is one hella fine woman. Too bad she gave birth to somethin' as ugly as you." Then he started laughing again, slapping his leg and wiping tears from his eyes. I tried my hardest not to take it personal. He was just a drunk. I could handle being called ugly. It was no secret that I wasn't absolutely gorgeous like Mama.
    Before I could snap my tongue like a whip at him, however, Damian shocked me. "You know, George, I always knew you were a pathetic wreck, but I didn't know that you were so despicably so that you had to go insulting fifteen-year-old girls. Pretty fifteen-year-old girls, to be exact. Apologise to her," he demanded.
    "No," I said, swallowing back a lump in my throat. Why I suddenly felt like crying was something I couldn't figure out. Yet, whether or not I understood it didn't matter. The tears were still about to come. "He doesn't have to apologise for being honest." I reached for the door handle to Aggie's apartment. "And you don't have to defend me." I opened the door and walked in.
    Mama and Aggie looked up. Both of them smiled at me, but Mama's smile quickly faded when she saw the look on my face. "What's wrong?"
    "Wrong? Nothing." I smiled at her as I sat down on Aggie's sofa, grabbing a pillow to hug.
    "Come on, Phoenix. You're my daughter, I know you. You can't hide the obvious." She seemed so concerned. Yet, I couldn't whine to her about it. She would only go into talking about how chivalrous Damian was.
    I shook my head. "No, Mama. It's really nothing. I'll be fine," I assured her. I sighed and sat back on the couch and looked over at the TV. "What are you watching?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. It was all too obviously a pornography video. My mouth dropped and I jumped up from the couch. "You two are sick!" I said. Both started into a fit of hysterics. I shook my head and quickly left.
    Outside, George and the girls had disappeared. "Where did Reggie go?" I asked Damian, who was strumming on his guitar, practicing a few chords.
    "She went down to Amy's house. If you ask me, she likes that little slut a little too much," he said, sitting back up against the wall and studying his guitar.
    "So do most men. Including you. I've seen you staring at her as if you couldn't wait to get her alone." I was always ready with some comment towards Damian. Being nice to him seemed impossible for me.
    He stopped looking at his guitar and looked up at me just as I was about to walk away. "What is your problem?"
    "I don't trust you. I don't like you. You spend entirely too much time with my mother and flirting with Celeste," I answered honestly. If he was going to be blunt, I was going to be, too.
    "Ah, I see," he said. He took the guitar off and set it aside against the wall and stood up. "How can you trust me when you don't know me?"
    "It's easy to know what kind of person you are. I knew the moment I set eyes on you what you are." I started to make my way across the street but he quickly put a stop to that by following me and grabbing my wrist. I spun around to glare at him. He wasn't about to let my wrist go, no matter how many daggers I shot his way with my eyes.
    "What kind of person is that?" He seemed set on knowing my answer. His eyes held mine determinedly.
    "The kind that seduces women as a game. You're a heartbreaker, Damian Calvert, and I'm not about to get caught up in your game like Mama and Celeste." I pulled my wrist from his grip. "Don't you ever touch me again," I growled. Then, my heart pounding with anger, I raced across the street and into the safety of the house.
    Damian did back off of me after that. He didn't stay away from my family, but he didn't irritate me. And he most certainly didn't touch me. Though, I did argue with him still, and I refused to trust him, there was a certain respect between the two of us. He never made an attempt to play with my heart and mind as he did so many other girls. He never denied being exactly what I claimed him to be, either.
    I often found him, with what I considered his groupies, sitting out on his front porch while he played and they listened. I stopped letting it annoy me, and eventually it became humorous to me. To see the same group of girls; Amy, her friends and Reggie; listening to him. Reggie was proud to call him her brother. I couldn't help passing by and throwing out a rude, sarcastic comment and laughing my way in to see Aggie.
    I made my way over there nightly, but one night it wasn't just the girls sitting out there, but George as well. That put a damper on any humour I could get from seeing the girls staring dreamily at Damian. Especially when George had to make his rude comments.
    "Well, look who is coming our way. The queen bitch herself," he quipped as I passed by him and Damian.
    Damian looked up at me from where he sat and smiled. "She's getting better," he said.
    I shook my head, but couldn't help but smile back. "Getting better at what exactly? Getting better at being rude?" He simply shook his head and went back to his guitar.
    I walked into the apartment where Mama and Aggie were talking on the couch. They both looked at me as they often did when I walked into the room, but neither smiled. "Phoenix, please go on out, Aggie and I are having a serious conversation." Mama looked at me, pleading with her eyes for me to understand and leave.
    But I couldn't help the feeling of isolation. More and more these days my mother was starting to ignore me. She and Aggie became closer and closer, and no longer did she need my friendship. It hurt to have it that way. I couldn't understand why she couldn't have other friends and me, at the same time. Was I that annoying? Did I bug her friends that much? I left without a word, only the miserable feeling of rejection.
    George and Damian sat out there alone now. All of the girls had gone, except Amy, Reggie and Amy's sister April. Amy was flirting with Damian in a highly irritating manner. She had his guitar and was begging him to chase her and get it from her. I rolled my eyes, annoyed.
    "Gee, Amy, aren't you so mature? Yes, that's it! I would love to sit around and learn a few pointers from someone who is so smart and so mature. Maybe someday we can have a tea party." I felt mean and wanted to attack anyone and anything and she was the closest and most obnoxious thing at the moment.
    Amy obviously didn't care about what I said because she continued to jump around carelessly with his three-hundred-dollar guitar. I shook my head. The girl was aggravating me. I was so stressed out, and her ignoring me was no help at all. I stalked out into the street and ripped the guitar from her hands.
    "Hey! Who do you think you are?" she screamed at me.
    "I'm closer to God than you, and therefore I get to judge you," I quipped. "And I judge you to be a complete moron."
    I had never heard Damian laugh so hard in the entire time I knew him. Obviously neither had Amy. But she didn't find it to be funny in the least bit. He was laughing at her.
    "I hate you, Damian! You're a jerk!" Then she jetted down the street, Reggie and April quick on her heels.
    "Gee, do you think I upset them?" I feigned innocence as I handed his guitar back to him.
    "You're just jealous of them." George now hated me even more than he had before. "You're jealous because they're hot, sexy girls and you'll never get the attention from men that they do."
    "That's enough, George," Damian snapped. I could tell that he was getting angry and, for some reason, was once again defending me.
    "Oh, don't tell me you like this little bitch, Damian," George groaned and dramatically slapped his hand to his forehead.
    "George, if you don't knock it off right now…" He trailed off; his eyes were dark and threatening as they stared at the drunken imbecile sitting next to him.
    "Whatever, I'm out of here," he mumbled. He got up and stumbled his way into his apartment.
    "You know," I started as soon as the door shut behind him. "You have no need to defend me. I am plenty capable of doing so myself."
    "I know you are." He smiled in that irresistible way that made all of the girls around here swoon. "Trust me, I know that you are plenty capable of taking care of yourself. I just thought that maybe you needed a friend to help you out every now and then."
    I shook my head and, giving in, I sat down beside him on the porch. "Since when are you my friend?"
    He laughed. "I find you to be far more interesting than any of my friends, and far more intelligent. I also find you to be more mature and intelligent than any of the other girls around here. Why wouldn't I want you to be my friend? Anybody with any kind of brains would."
    "Don't try to make me start swooning all over you, Damian. I'm not that sort. You can speak all of the sweet words you want, I'm not interested." I was irritated that he would even start making an attempt at winning my affections, when I thought he knew better. I started to rise from the porch.
    "I'm not trying to make you fall head over heels in love with me, Phoenix. I only want to be you friend." He placed his hand on my arm and pushed me back down to sit. "Is that too much to ask? I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or make you think that I merely want to just hurt you. I really mean you no harm."
    I don't know why I had the strong urge to believe him, to just let my guard down. I wasn't about to, though. Not with him. He was dangerous, and I had promised myself not to get involved.
    I shook my head and jumped up. "I'm sorry, but I can't believe you. I promised myself not to get emotionally involved with you and befriending you is getting involved. I can't!" I walked away from him, then. He didn't beg me to stay or chase me, but I felt him watch me.
    That night, as I lay there waiting for sleep to wrap around me and take me into the comfortable land where I didn't have to think, my thoughts refused to let me close my eyes. Why couldn't I be just friends? Friends didn't really hurt each other. As long as I never developed a crush, I would be fine. I grabbed my pillow and covered my head with it and let out a frustrated scream. No! I had to be wary of him! I couldn't let my guard down and give him leeway to breaking my heart in any possible way! No! That was my final decision. I wasn't going to befriend him. No way!
    It was difficult not to be his friend, though. Even after that night he was still nice to me, and still smiled and said hi when he saw me. It didn't seem to matter who he was with at the time; if he spotted me, he treated me just as he would treat a good friend.
    That and the fact that he, Mama and Celeste were always together. It bothered me. Celeste was fourteen and wouldn't be fifteen until August, and she flirted incessantly with him. He was the type that would play with her, too, and I knew what was going to come out of Celeste's obsession with him. It was as inevitable as the sun coming up the next day to produce another day to struggle through happily.
    Mama's flirting was just as bad, if not, actually worse. He flirted back and often I saw them together. It made me physically sick. I knew in the pit of my stomach what they were doing. I knew they were lovers. Damian wasn't about to turn away the attention of an older, beautiful woman who was constantly on him. No, he was going to play with her as much as he was going to play with Celeste. I didn't understand why Mama was doing what she was doing, though, and that was the part that upset me.
    In spite of my claim, I allowed myself to befriend him. I had no choice over it. That's all he truly became to me. I had no interest in his appeal and charm. I was the type that allowed herself to get hurt. Damian accepted that, and never pursued me as anything more than that.

It was late April when we finally got to move. Aunt Carissa had found us a home that was only a couple houses down from hers. Mama and Dad were excited to get the house, and within the minute of getting it, they were telling everyone. The biggest mistake Mama could have made seemed to be telling Aggie. For some reason, it angered her. Two days after finding out, Aggie was spreading rumours about Mama all over the townhouses.
    Then it all went down one day as Mama and I got out of our car because we had been out running errands. We had dropped Damian off at the movies and Celeste had gone with him. Aggie began screaming from her doorway. "You slut! You're nothing more than a whore. I know everything about you, you stupid hussy!" I was so shocked I couldn't move. How could anyone start making accusations? But I realised that Aggie knew more about Mama then even I did. What if what she was saying was true? Did Mama truly cheat on my father?
    I was so deep in my thoughts I didn't hear any other words exchanged, but suddenly my mother was racing back up the pathway to our apartment. The door slammed shut behind her. I chased after her, fearing the worst. As soon as I got in the door, I ran up the stairs to her room. Mama had a bottle of pills and was trying to get them out of the bottle. Her eyes were watering and her hands were shaking so badly it was making it difficult. That meant God must have been on my side that day.
    I slammed into my mother, knocking her onto the bed. She had gotten at least five of the pills into her mouth. I was so angry, frustrated and hurt that I wanted to kill her myself. I straddled her and my hands enclosed around her neck and I pressed my thumbs into the base of her throat.
    "Spit them out!" I screamed at her. "Spit them out right now!" She shook her head over and over again, partially to tell me no and partially struggling to free herself, but I was much stronger. I put more pressure on her throat. "I hate you for this, Mama! I hate you!" I moaned through my tears. How could she do this?
    My father had come up by this time and took control of things. He made Mama spit the pills out and I waited until I knew she was safe before I left. I started walking, not really thinking about where I was going. I just needed to get away from there.
    I walked along the side of the road, next to one of the elementary schools, crying and wiping vainly at my tears. I couldn't understand why she had done this again! She had promised that she would never do it again!
    "Phoenix?" I heard Damian call out my name, and my head shot up to see the two of them making their way down the street. I ran over to meet them.
    "What's going on?" Celeste asked the moment I reached them. Her question brought about a new rack of tears. I buried my face in my hands and leaned up against the school's fence.
    Damian impulsively pulled me against him. Never had anyone in my life actually held me and comforted me while I cried, and though I wanted to push him away, I couldn't. I needed someone to be there for me. Needed it more than I ever wanted to admit.
    "It's all right," he said softly in my ear. "What happened, Phoenix?"
    Finally my sobs eased and I related to them what had happened in the past forty-five minutes. Celeste wasn't at all compassionate and, since Mama was all too clearly her rival, she felt no sympathy. It didn't bother her at all.
    "She's an idiot to even attempt that. I wish she had succeeded," she said.
    "Don't be stupid and immature, Celeste. That's your mother!" He still had his arm around me, pulling me to his side. I felt so emotionally drained that I honestly didn't care. I may have been a touch-me-not, but I was too weak to protest any comfort.
    Celeste, I could see, wanted to slap him. She was just itching to do so. Instead, however, she glared at both of us and turned on her heels and left.
    "Your mother started all of this, Damian. You need to do something about her mouth," I told him. I knew I couldn't tell Aggie, because Aggie had felt she'd had a right to say those awful things. But Damian was different. He was her son and maybe he could find a way to shut her up.
    He looked down and we began to walk, but he still kept his arm firmly around my shoulders. "I'm sorry, Phoenix, but there really is nothing that I can do about her. She's, well, not all right in the head. Your mother - no, your family should never have put their trust in her."
    I finally pulled out of his grasp. "Well, thanks for the warning beforehand!" I snapped. If he knew that my family shouldn't have befriended his mother, then why hadn't he spoken up before?
    "Oh, yes, I'm going to tell you that you and your family can't trust someone who you considered a valued friend. By the time I met you guys, you all were already close with her." He shook his head and looked at the ground. Then he looked back up and stared me into my eyes, as if challenging me. "Would you have even believed me, Phoenix? Would you have believed that you couldn't trust someone who was a friend? After all, she became your safe harbour when things got bad in your home."
    "I would have believed you," I spat out through gritted teeth. But I couldn't help wondering if I really would have.
    "No, you wouldn't have. You didn't, and still don't, trust me. You wouldn't have trusted what I said. You would have found a reason for my saying such things." I knew he was right. There was no denying the obvious. I had so little trust in him even now, when he was considered a friend. I would never have believed him.
    I ran my fingers through my hair and swallowed. I couldn't breathe; my asthma was acting up because it was spring now, and not only was I having allergy problems, but also I had run. The emotional stress wasn't helping any. I tried to take deep breaths, but as we walked back it quickly, began to progress into a full-blown asthma attack.
    We were so close to the apartments, I was sure I could make it in spite of the fact that I was gasping for air. So, instead of letting Damian help me, I pushed him away and told him I'd be fine. Boy, I was wrong. I walked past the apartments that were next to ours, holding the metal fence that surrounded it. I stopped to take in some more air. My lungs burned with the effort and fear and panic were starting to kick in. Tears stung my eyes. My legs weren't going to move anymore. They felt so weak. Just as I began sliding down the fence, letting myself be lead, slowly, into black oblivion, Damian picked me up. I fell limply against him, forcing myself to stay awake.
    "It's okay. Just stay awake, Phoenix, you'll be all right." I grasped at his shoulders, gasping, trying to pull air into my lungs. I felt dizzy and my head ached.
    "I can't breathe," I moaned. I couldn't help crying. The tears just came. They ran down my cheeks, staining a pattern of descent on them.
    Suddenly Damian started running. "Help! Someone help her!" he hollered out. Mama came out of the apartment just as he started making his way up the path. "Karen, she can't breathe, she needs help!"
    "Get her into my car quick! I'll go tell Michael I have to take her out there." She turned around to go.
    "No!" I gasped. "Mama! No! Just take me! Please, just take me!" I cried. I knew crying wasn't making it any better, but I couldn't stop! "I can't wait. I'm going to pass out." I was making myself more tired by yelling but I needed to go. I had no time to wait for her!
    I don't remember feeling so tired. Mama had gotten the keys and we had gone out to the hospital but Damian had gone with us. He forced me to stay conscious.

When I got back into the emergency room, I struggled to take in the medicine that was given to me. I held tightly to the facemask with one hand, and my other hand was fastened to the railing of the bed. Slowly, my grips eased up as my lungs opened and the oxygen and medicine entered them easier and easier. I felt myself give over to sleep without the fear of dying.
    When I woke up, Mama was the only one in the room. She was reading a book and hadn't noticed that my eyes had opened. I started to push myself up in the bed, but a pain shot through my right hand. I cried out and looked to see the IV in my hand.
    Mama looked up at me and I asked her "When did they put this in?" I was confused. I hadn't felt it and I didn't remember waking up.
    "You passed out. I was worried at first, but your oxygen stats went up and they said you were okay. They put the IV in not long after you fell asleep," she answered. "How are you feeling?"
    "I'm okay, now." I still felt groggy, but it wasn't a bad kind of feeling like it had been when I hadn't been able to breathe. I lay back against the pillows and sighed. "Are they going to keep me here?"
    She shook her head. "I have no idea. They might want to. You're far too stressed out, Phoenix. That is why you're here now."
    "It's not my fault! I was scared because of you. I can't help it, Mama!" I couldn't stay here. Not with her so depressed. If I weren't there to save her from herself, who would be?
    Just then, Damian walked in and handed Mama a soda. He had a slurpee from 7-11 in his hand. "Oh! You're awake! How are you feeling?"
    "I'm okay. They might keep me here, though." I pulled myself up higher in the bed. I didn't want to lie down. I was awake now and wanted to stay that way. If I were to stay here, then I was going to make her promise me that everything would be fine. Then I would make Damian promise to watch her until I got home.
    "Want a drink?" He held the slurpee out for me. I shrugged and reached out for it. He pulled it away. "Nope, you're sick. You need to be cared for. I'll hold it for you," he laughed. He had obviously been worried about me and was relieved that I was okay.
    I rolled my eyes, but slipped the mask off for a little bit to take a drink. I sat back against the pillows after putting the mask back on. "Thank you, Damian. I would have died had you not been out there for me," I said.
    He looked down. "Well, I was out there. No need to look at the what ifs." He flashed a relieved smile at me. "You're okay now."
    I was in the hospital for three days straight and I was bored. I wasn't worried about Mama, because she had promised that she wouldn't do it again, and then I'd had Damian promise that he would watch her. I hated being left there at the hospital when I was feeling better. Mama came up to stay with me late at night, but left during the early morning while I was asleep. Damian did come in the afternoons to visit me, but only for an hour because he had got himself a job over at the movie theatre when he and Celeste had been over there. He was straightening up and becoming more responsible, and I was proud to call him my friend. My true friend. After all, enemies didn't save your life.
    We began to pack things in the apartment the day that I was removed from the hospital. I couldn't do it because I was so tired, but I did manage to help a little. Mama, though, sent me to bed, saying that she could do it herself and she'd get help when the other kids got home. So I made my way up the stairs and into her room, where I crawled on the bed and slept for a lot longer than I assumed I would.

One week later, both of my parents were getting antsy. We still had three weeks before we could move in there because there was so much work that had to be done. Mama had packed up most everything that wasn't a necessity. Now, all we had to do was wait. But Mama wasn't about to just wait. We went out and bought paint that very night. Then Celeste, Damian, Mama and I went out to our new home to paint the walls and clean it up a little. Of course, this job was going to take long than a night, but we started that night, anyway.
    Celeste was attached to Damian the entire time we were there. Glaring my way every now and then. I couldn't understand what her problem was. If she liked Damian, I had no problem. I had no feelings for him that weren't strictly friendship. There was no need for her to be shooting fire from her eyes every time she looked my way.
    When she wasn't looking at me, however, she was annoying me with her flirting. She seemed so stupid. She giggled and teased and jumped around him. I tried to hide my laughter. I couldn't help imagining that flirting was some kind of womanly ritual. Some of them just took it to a most hilarious extent.
    My sister did not find anything to be very funny, though, where I came from. "What's your problem, Phoenix? Nobody told you that you could laugh," she snapped at me.
    I simply looked up at her and gave her a smile. "No, nobody said I could laugh, but I am laughing at my own private thoughts, sister dear. Nobody ever said that you could give me permission not to think and laugh at my thoughts."
    Damian made the mistake of laughing. Celeste's anger flared. She threw the paintbrush that she was holding at me. I dodged it, which only made her angrier. She stomped by me towards the front door. "I wish you were still in the hospital! Better yet I wish you had died!" She ran past me, then, fearing my wrath. I jumped up to go after her, but Damian grabbed my arm.
    "It's not worth it," he said, still watching where my sister exited.
    "Not you, maybe, but it is worth it to me. I'm going to wring her pretty, skinny little neck," I declared, trying to free myself.
    He was having a tough time holding me there. We struggled with one another, but when I was almost out of his grasp, he pulled us both to the floor. I fought him; I truly wanted to beat my sister senseless, and he wasn't about to let me. I struggled, but he was stronger and soon he had me straddled and was holding each of my arms on either side of me.
    "Phoenix, I will not let you beat her up. She may deserve it, by why exert yourself? You'll end up back in the hospital." He was out of breath and his words were choppy, but to me he rang loud and clear. My struggle immediately stopped. I didn't want to go back there, but if this kept up, I would.
    Mama came back into the house from the backyard just then, only to see us in such a position. "What are you two doing?" There was suspicion in her voice and I knew what she thought.
    Damian quickly released me. I sat up and rubbed at my wrists. Mama looked down at the two of us, questioning with her eyes, yet trying to keep a cool composure.
    I looked up at her. "Nothing is going on, Mama." I was being honest, yet she didn't seem to believe me.
    "That didn't look like nothing." I could see the struggle within her. She was trying to get answers without being forward and accusing either of us of anything.
    "Really, Karen, there was nothing happening." Damian stood up and reached down to help me to my feet.
    "What was that all about, then?" She was nearly yelling now. She was frustrated and jealousy was raging through her veins like a wild fire.
    "It was just a silly argument, Mama, that's all. We really weren't doing anything, Damian was just holding me down so I couldn't go after Celeste." I saw the relief flood her eyes and suddenly I was the suspicious one. What was going on? Why was my sister so overly jealous of me, and why did my mother go insane at the thought that Damian and I might have been doing more than what we said? I was confused.
    "I'm going to go wait at the car. I think we're finished for tonight." I excused myself and then left. Celeste was already in there and the two of us sat there, not looking at one another, waiting for them to appear in the doorway. We waited twenty minutes before they came out. Mama no longer looked upset, anyway. She was laughing and hanging on Damian. Damian looked over at the car and I looked him straight in the eye. Anger flared in me as I realised what they had been doing that twenty minutes. I was so disgusted.
    They got into the car and I didn't say a word on the way home. I didn't understand Celeste's attachment to Damian, but I now understood my mother's. I didn't want to understand it, but there was no point in denying the truth. The two of them were having an affair. The thought hadn't bothered me before Damian had actually become a closer friend to me. But things were different now, and it made my stomach tie in knots.
    In bed that night, I lay awake thinking for about an hour before sleep claimed me. I stared at the wall, letting things run through my mind. I swallowed hard, trying to stop the tears. I had lost almost all of the trust and faith that I'd had in my mother, and that hurt. Right before sleep claimed me, I couldn't help fearing what was to come in the next few days, weeks, or months, even. Would it be something to bring me down? I felt the pull of yet another dramatic moment in my life. What would it be this time?

Phoenix Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Epilogue

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