"RISE FROM THE ASHES" by Sarah Ryniker

STORY LAST UPDATED ON 17/08/2002

Rise from the Ashes Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Epilogue

CHAPTER THREE

When I woke the next morning and realised, again, that there had been no perfect date, I felt the tears stinging my eyes. They burned with the effort not to cry. I looked out the window to see that it was still early, so I rose out of the chair and left the room. My body ached from the way I had stayed curled up all night. I ached more than just physically. I ached all over, inside and out. The words "stood up" rang in my mind over and over again. He had never wanted to go out with me. He had planned the whole time to hurt me like this.
    Part of me wanted to believe that he had a good reason for not coming. Part of me was still hoping he'd call with an explanation. Don't, I ordered myself, assume that he merely meant to hurt you, Ella. I'm sure that he has a good excuse. I wanted so much to have faith in a man. I was tired of distrusting anyone of the male gender. Why couldn't I find love like everyone else?
    I woke again, much later, to my phone ringing. At first, I was dazed, and I began to sit up slowly. But then, my hopes high, I dove for the phone. "Hello?" I nearly yelled into the phone, crossing my fingers and hoping that it was Brendan.
    "Hello? Ella?" His voice put relief throughout me. I almost cried with it.
    "Yes? Brendan? Why didn't you show up last night?" I cried into the phone. I got a hit of the feelings he had left me with last night, the feeling of being deserted and left to pain.
    "There was a family emergency. My sister was rushed to the hospital. You know the one I told you about that was pregnant? Well, she lost the baby. I was at the hospital all night." He sounded distant, miserable.
    "Why didn't you call, though?" The false sympathy began to settle around me. How sad. His sister had lost a baby, while I had sat at home, my heart falling to shreds. How selfish I was, not caring about his sister, only caring about me.
    "I'm sorry, Ella. It never came to mind. My sister almost died last night." He seemed angry that I could be so heartless.
    "I'm sorry about her loss. I am glad she is okay and hope she gets better soon." I put false hope and sympathy into my voice. I honestly didn't care. He had left me to sit all alone at home the night before, wondering what I had done wrong.
    "Ella, I have to go. I'll drop by sometime tonight. I am sorry that I didn't show up last night. I hope you can forgive me." His voice sounded cold, as if he couldn't believe that I could be so heartless not to care about his sister. But I didn't know her. Why should I care about somebody I didn't know?
    Later that day, I heard voices coming down the hall, one that made me jump with excitement, the other that made me want to tear my hair out. I thought about that again and decided that it wasn't my hair I wanted to tear out; it was hers.
    I was sitting out in the garden and I rounded the corner to see Rachael walking alongside Brendan, trying to comfort him. That was my job. I wanted to be his girlfriend. He didn't need some fourteen-year-old hanging on him! Just watching her made me want to put a bullet through her pretty little head. I think I would have then, had I been with a gun handy at the time.
    "Brendan! I am so glad you came over. How are you doing? How is your sister? Is everything alright?" I suddenly wanted nothing more than to comfort him, hold him close and tell him that all would be well.
    His eyes were red-rimmed from lack of sleep. He walked over to me. "Thank you, both of you, for your concern." He seemed to be mocking me, and I didn't appreciate that much.
    "Why, it's no problem, Brendan. If I had a sister and she went through something like that, why, I can't imagine how I'd feel!" Rachael exclaimed. I shot her a look. If she only knew. She wouldn't give a damn if I went through anything fatal.
    Rachael noticed my look and pulled her shoulders back. She eyed me back, warily. Her eyes darkened to near black and I could tell she could feel my anger and jealousy radiating from me. It obviously disgusted her and she couldn't wait to get out of my presence. She quickly excused herself, giving Brendan some consoling words before leaving. Good, if that was what it took to get rid of her, then so be it.
    I went over and I hugged him, sickly happy for his misery. For only in misery could one comfort like this. I liked this vulnerability. I liked holding him and making him feel better. I liked him to be going through something so horrible, because it left me to be a comforting, wonderful soul. Misery brought people closer. Maybe I could make him love me.
    "Everything will be just fine, Brendan. I am sorry if I sounded uncaring on the phone today. I had just got up." So, I lied a bit. It wasn't like it would matter. He would never know that I didn't give a damn.
    "It's alright, Ella. I am sorry that I didn't call you last night. I was really looking forward to taking you out." He looked down at me, his arms suddenly wrapping tightly around my waist to lock me tightly to him. It was wonderful to be able to look up at a man. I was five feet nine, although not extremely tall I didn't have to really look up at a man that was no more than six feet. Brendan was at least six feet five inches. That was a turn-on in itself.
    I lifted my head and stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his. He kissed me back to my surprise and excitement rushed through me. When the kiss ended I only pulled away slightly. "I want to make you forget all about it, Brendan. I want to make you love me. That way, you'll never hurt again, and if you do, you will have me to run to," I whispered into his lips before kissing him again.
    He moaned into my mouth this time, which had my hormones raging throughout me. He obviously didn't mind that I wanted to make him forget pain altogether. I kissed back more passionately. If this was what it took to make him love me, then so be it. I would be the only thing he would see. And that was how it would be forever.
    When we pulled away this time, both of us were breathless. He looked down at me, seemingly shocked, but it was pleasant surprise I saw in his eyes. "I could love you, Ella. You're an amazing young woman. So far what I've seen about you and how you have spoken to me, has proven that you are perfect for me. You're beautiful, intelligent and caring. It would be so easy for me to fall in love with you."
    I smiled at him, letting my knees fail me. He held me up, my arms around his neck. "I could fall in love with you, too, Brendan. You're male perfection. You make me want things I never thought I would want before." Everything I told him was true. But as the words male perfection spilled from my lips, anger assailed me. Perfection fits with perfection, a tiny voice inside me warned. Once he sees how perfect Rachael is, when she is old enough he will want that. Not you. Never you.
    I ignored the voice. It was so wrong. I would make Brendan love me so much that other women would pale compare to my light. As my lips fell upon his once more and his hand found its way beneath my shirt and onto my breast, I knew I could make every single wish and want of his come true. And never again would he want another woman. I would be his desire and the love of his life.
    Dating Brendan made me an extremely happy woman. I was nicer to everyone, becoming friendly to even Karen and Michael, who had begun to date. The worst part was Rachael always being there, being one of our "friends". I knew Karen was jealous of her, but not to the extent I was. She liked being in her company. Whereas I despised her, and merely put up with her as part of my act of "kindness". I had Brendan believing that none of my morbid, murderous thoughts existed. Not that he ever knew of them. He thought I was a perfect angel, and I played the part well, making him love me more and more every day.
    My mother was happy to be in the world of the rich. When she became pregnant, only three months after marrying Gerald, she was positive she would give him the son he had always wanted. She wore blue all of the time, had chosen to name him after his father. The nursery had nothing but boy memorabilia. Trains, sports, boats, cars and the colour blue filled the room. It was a charming room, far too large for a baby, in my opinion. But Gerald and Mother wanted only the best for their son.
    My eighteenth birthday rolled around during her seventh month of pregnancy. They threw me a giant birthday bash. Everyone who was anyone was there. And I didn't know half of the people. I had graduated before we had moved into the world of the rich. All of these young people, and even old people, that joined my party were only faces, coming because it was a Parish celebration.
    Brendan, of course, attended. He looked devilishly handsome. He knew the look in my eyes, and all night we went on with sexual teasing, touching each other at any chance we got. I couldn't wait to be alone with him. We danced only with one another. I made sure he had eyes only for me. It was no longer needed to watch his every move, however. He loved to be with only me.
    We had been together for nearly a year. Come June, Gerald and Mother would be married for a year. And it was on their wedding anniversary that we would celebrate our own. It was a mere two months away and I couldn't wait. I already had plans to make him the happiest man on that day. I made promises to him that would make any "good" girl's eyes bulge. I almost wanted to tell Rachael what I had planned, just to see the look on her innocent, stupid fifteen-year-old face.
    My hatred for her strengthened every time I had to look at her. Every time I had to hear anyone, even Michael, her own cousin, express how beautiful she was. I knew she had a special fear of Michael. I loved it when he was around. She cringed away from him and hardly spoke. She didn't tell me why until later. I knew she had no idea of my hatred. She would never guess it with the way I carried on my "friendship" with her.
    When she did tell me, she came to personally ask if I could keep him away from her. I was sitting in my room when she came in and asked me. "Please, Ella, he frightens me so much!" she cried.
    "Why does he scare you so much? He never did before."
    She looked away at my question, seemingly embarrassed by it. "Well, he knows that we are family and yet he still makes very sexual comments towards me. He has even tried grabbing at my breasts. I told him to stop it, but he just thinks it's funny."
    Even my eyes had to widen in shock. I knew Michael had an obsession with her, but I never knew it was to that extent. "Have you told Karen about it?" I asked.
    "What would be the point of that?" she asked, throwing her hands up into the air and plopping down onto my bed. "She'd only side with him and say I'm too uptight."
    "Well, maybe you are, Rachael. Maybe he is just joking." Though I knew that wasn't the truth. Michael had twisted feelings about his own blood, his very own younger half-sister.
    Her eyes were teary with frustration and anger as she jumped up. "How can you say that? What he does to me is sick and twisted! But you side with him, too? I never thought you were like that, Ella!" She slammed out of my room and I couldn't help thinking about what she said. She didn't think I was like that. I laughed out loud to the ghosts of my bedroom. She didn't know what I was really like at all. If only she knew the feelings I harboured for her. She'd fear me far more than Michael.
    Michael and Brendan were best friends. How anyone could be a best friend with Michael was beyond my knowledge, but Brendan's good heart made it impossible for him to make enemies. I loved that about him. He was a bleeding heart, where I had a stone in my chest. Sometimes, I wondered if I was truly in love with Brendan or just obsessed with the thought of having him within my power.
    Unfortunately, however, Brendan's obsessive cousin Roger was also a good friend of theirs. Brendan teased me about how much Roger wanted me. He was as obsessed with trying to get me as I was obsessed with keeping Brendan all my own. He just wouldn't stop. He was in love with the thought of possessing me. He often tried to get my attention, so much as cornering me and trying to kiss me. He promised to be far better than Brendan. I hated his possessiveness. I wanted to own, not be owned.
    I chose to ignore the fact that Roger was very much like me in his pursuit. I ignored him at all costs, though he would never stop trying. He would often try to kiss me. He also seemed to notice how alike we were. He brought that up very often, telling me that Brendan and I was no match, that he, himself, and I could be so much more powerful together than his cousin and me.
    "Ella, why do you bother with somebody as weak as Brendan? I am strength where he is weakness. I am darkness where he is sunlight. You don't need the sunlight, my dark beauty. I know what lurks in your soul." His eyes were dark as he said this, giving me a chill throughout my spine. How could he possibly know what was inside of me?
    He had cornered me again. I had been about to leave the study when he came in, locking the door behind him. Now I looked up at him defiantly. I did not fear him; I feared what he could see. If he could see it, then who else could?
    "What do you know about me? I don't want darkness. I want light!" I declared, trying to get past him.
    "I see it in your eyes, Ella. Everyone else is too stupid to notice what is really going on inside that beautiful head of yours, but I can see it so vividly." His words were almost always spoken so poetically. I knew it was just a way to try impressing me, but it didn't work very well. It rather annoyed me.
    "Get away from me!" I screamed at him, shoving him away from me and trying to get away. He grabbed me this time and shoved me up against the wall. His lips fell on mine in a deadly kiss, a promise of everything he knew. It frightened me, yet I kissed him back. And when he pulled away and looked down at me, his eyes glowed with en eerie light.
    "You do not belong with them, Ella. You belong with me. You belong to the world where strength and power exist. You don't need love. All you need is the power of knowing you control what is going on around you, the people around you. Someone like you doesn't know how to love."

Rise from the Ashes Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Epilogue

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