"RISE FROM THE ASHES" by Sarah Ryniker

STORY LAST UPDATED ON 17/08/2002

Rise from the Ashes Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Epilogue

CHAPTER FOUR

How correct Roger had been in that instant. How right he had been. And later I would look back and realise that so much may have been prevented had I but only listened. I would curse myself until my death for not listening. Of course Roger knew what was going on inside of me. He was I! Only someone who went through these feelings could understand.
    After that incident, I forever had his words ringing in my ears. They eventually faded, but they were in the back of my head, waiting for the right moment to taunt me and make me realise what he had been telling me. It had been his way of offering salvation. I had refused it and after that only once did he come to me again. He assured me that when I changed my mind he would be waiting with a ring in hand. I had refused to believe that I would change my mind, but someday I wouldn't be so against it.
    The day Mother went into labour, the house was in an uproar. Everyone was so excited to see this new baby boy. Everyone gathered at the hospital for her nineteen and a half hours of labour. We waited and waited. Karen and her mother Lillian were there visiting for the summer again. Lillian held a look of doom in her eyes, as if she could feel and see what was about to happen.
    Soon, I knew the look of doom in her eyes. Gerald walked into the waiting room filled with people. Almost everyone had something that read, "it's a boy" on it within their grasps. But the look in his eyes wasn't filled with shining pride. It wasn't filled with excitement and dreams of what his little boy would be.
    "It's a girl," he said in a whisper that was just loud enough for everyone to hear.
    His disappointment disgusted Rachael. "How can you be so upset?" she screamed at him. "It's your child supposedly made out of love with your wife. What is your problem?" I had to admit, she was right. Though, I knew better than her about that child supposedly being born out of love.
    Had we not been in a hospital room, I was sure Gerald would have beaten her. He had begun to be very prone to raising his fists at her. I couldn't help but want to laugh, even as I consoled her. I would hold her to me, rocking her back and forth all the while a smile playing upon my lips.
    Mother was released the next day, with her beautiful baby girl. The baby was filled with a beautiful, angelic grace. It made me sick. I only looked at her once. That's all anyone pretty much got to. But while everyone else was disappointed in the baby being given away to Lillian without even being named, I was happy.
    My mother had gone into a deep depression. She had failed her husband in the worst of ways. Gerald was constantly yelling at her, though Rachael never failed to remind him that it was the man that decided the sex of the child. I hated it when Rachael was right. But she was right at almost everything.
    Since the baby had been born on my anniversary, my plans had been ruined. Brendan had insisted we go to the hospital. He thought, as everyone else, that it was a big family event. And when the baby was given away, Lillian had named her Carissa we later found out, he had been upset. And just like everyone expected me to, I acted upset, though inside my heart was smiling broadly.
    I made up for it the anniversary after that and the anniversary after that. But by my second anniversary with Brendan, he suddenly seemed distant. I hated the thought of him being distant and pulling away from my power on my anniversary. But no matter how I tried, my attempts seemed to be failing. He seemed disappointed in me for some reason.
    We had just had sex and we lay underneath the stars. I would have been content, but the feelings of his distancing himself were strong. It had my mind running through everything. I had done nothing wrong. I had played the perfect part. So what was going on? I wanted everything to be back to perfection, the perfection it had been!
    So when I found out that I was two months pregnant with his child in December, I thought it would be the perfect thing to bring us back together. He would be happy that I was bringing something else into the relationship, and beg me to marry him. I couldn't wait to tell him. But I did wait for the perfect night. I would tell him, I had decided, at the Christmas ball that had been planned for Christmas Eve.
    I dressed my best; I picked out a seductive silk red dress. The bottom of it was cut in a strange fashion, some parts of it shorter than the other parts. It had a certain patter to it. It was actually the kind of dress one would dance in. A cocktail dress with fabric sliding over my shoulders and crossing in the back, yet not hugging my skin tightly, but flowing, I thought morbidly, like blood. So graceful and beautiful, but it could bring pain. Though blood was not beautiful to everyone. Just to somebody as sick and twisted as me.
    I laughed at the thought. I was sick and twisted. But I somehow enjoyed it. I was an actress if there ever was one. Everyone thought that I was perfect, innocent and sweet on the outside. There was only one person who knew what raged on inside of me. He never told anyone, but his knowledge, somehow, frightened me. Maybe because I didn't know what was going on in his head when it came to me.
    I made my way into the ball. Many men stared my way. In the past two and a half years I had become what men considered a real knockout. I had long legs, graceful hips that had filled out more than they had been when I had been seventeen, and perky breasts. I was nearing twenty, and I was looking good. I loved to stare at myself in the mirror now.
    My mood was brought down a bit when I spied Rachael. She was sixteen, almost seventeen now. She had become something that men desired even more. Gone was all sense of the word baby when one saw her. Her hair was thick, full and beautiful. It lay in waves down her back when it was down, and it looked ever so elegant, yet sexy, when it was up as it was this night. She truly had the beauty of a goddess. The goddess of beauty, love and everything good, even.
    I saw Brendan say something to her and smile. She smiled back. Then he turned my way, his smile never faltering, yet something his eyes did. I chose to ignore it. I placed it into my imagination. I refused to believe that he was unhappy to see me. Maybe I had mistaken his lust for disappointment, I thought to cheer myself up. I smiled back seductively.
    Suddenly, thinking of gods and goddesses, I was sure Hades had entered my breathing space. Roger stood beside me, a wicked smile upon his handsome face. He looked at me as I looked at him. His eyes told me that he knew and could see all.
    "Tonight, I can see, will bring many things to us. Some will be pleasant for others, while some things will not be. Remember, Ella, my offer still stands," he whispered into my ear. I didn't get a chance to say anything before he disappeared into the crowd.
    Brendan was suddenly beside me. "Ella, we need to talk about something important." His voice was filled with seriousness, and I couldn't help but wonder.
    "Yes, Brendan, we do. I have something to tell you, too!" I said, smiling to bring out the excitement within him.
    We walked out into the foyer. It was large and there was a door that led to it just off the ballroom. Later, the door was closed off for decorating reasons and never reopened. The large ceiling seemed to echo with bad omens, warning me that what was about to happen was not going to be something I would be happy about.
    "You go first, please," I said. We stood by one of the stairwells. There were two in here; they were the first stairs that led into the house. How off the foyer seemed to be in the house.
    "I know we have been together for awhile now. But, Ella, I have been trying so hard to love you when I can't." He seemed to be upset about hurting my feelings, but he was a selfish bastard.
    "What do you mean? You want to end this? Brendan, we can work on it! We can!" I was trying to hold on for dear life to the one thing that I had thought I controlled.
    "I am in love with somebody else, Ella. And I don't want to work on a loss cause anymore." I could see that in his mind he was trying to be as easy as possible, but to me his words only angered me, making me hate him.
    "And what are you going to do about the baby?" I screamed. I saw the look in his eyes as they widened. I leaned back, crossed my arms over one another, and I smiled as I said calmly, "That's right, Brendan, I am pregnant with your child. Two months to be exact."
    I had thought it a sure way to keep him within my power. But how wrong I was. "I'll pay for whatever I can, but I refuse to be stuck in something because of a child." His voice was cold and hard now. He walked away from me and entered the party.
    "It's a pity, Ella. Truly it is. You could still have me to father your child, if you truly are pregnant." Roger's voice seemed to boom all around me, though he was not one to speak loudly.
    "I am," I said in a shaky voice. I looked at the wall before me in anger and despair. I didn't even care that Roger had heard everything. The decision was made. Brendan didn't love me and I was pregnant. I would be disowned and have no money whatsoever if this got out.
    I turned to Roger. "I'll marry you." That was all it took. Just as promised, he pulled a box from his pocket, opened it and pulled the diamond ring out. It was quite large and beautiful, though that held nothing for me as he slipped it onto my finger.
    Roger and I re-entered the party together. It was a habit of mine to look for Brendan immediately, though that was a mistake. Never in my life had I been bombarded with so much jealousy, anger and thoughts of death, not mine but me causing someone else's.
    Brendan now danced to a slow love song, Rachael wrapped in his arms tightly. She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes. She smiled so brilliantly at him. He came down to place a kiss on her lips. And with that kiss, so was my own fate sealed. I just had no idea what the next years would bring.
    During the party, everyone was to sit around the gigantic Christmas tree that sat at the centre of the ballroom, and give out gifts. As the time rolled around to midnight when this would happen, everyone began to gather around and find places to sit. Roger led me to a place closer to the tree where there was a chair. He sat in it first and ushered me to sit in his lap. I did so, only half-thinking. I was in such a daze about everything that was going on around me.
    Soon, the fog around me disappeared. The gift giving had begun. I don't remember anything given to me that Christmas. The most important thing had been taken away. My control over my life seemed completely nonexistent. I hated the feeling. I wanted to go back to the foggy daze that kept me numb.
    I couldn't help but watch Brendan and Rachael. They sat not far from us. I could hear people complimenting them and telling them what a wonderful couple they made, as if they had been together for a long time and I had been only fooling myself into thinking that I'd been the one to put the dazzle in his eye for a short while.
    I watched as Brendan handed his gift to her. Their fingers brushed as she took it, and I could see the fire ignite within him at her touch. Never had he looked at me the way he looked at her. It added more fuel to my fire. My hatred for her seemed to heighten within those few hours. Thoughts of ripping her hair out of her head made me smile as I looked at her. It only angered me more towards the end when I realised Brendan hadn't even bothered to get me anything.
    I felt my breathing quicken with thoughts of harming and killing Rachael. I had all sorts of ways to do it, one more exciting than the next. It was a feeling in me that was better than any turn-on. Oh, but to get rid of the all-charming princess Rachael. I could only imagine what it would be like for me to shove a knife through her flesh over and over again, watching the blood gush from the wounds I inflicted.
    When the thoughts first began in my mind, they had frightened me beyond words. But I began to get used to them. I felt as if they were becoming more and more of a reality. I began to enjoy my times of fantasising about killing her. I liked the thought of feeling her struggle beneath my hand as I ended her life. I never told anyone about these thoughts. Everyone always assumed that I was a still best friend with her and her friend Melanie, the no-good whore that was constantly around.
    Oh, how excited the two were for me getting married. They tried to help plan and tell me I was beautiful in whatever wedding dress I was trying on at the time. I found it irritating that they enjoyed my predicament so much. But then again, they didn't know that I was marrying Roger just to have a father for my illegitimate child.
    Rachael never did apologise for taking Brendan from me. She acted as if he had never belonged to me. And I never said anything. I pretended, as well, that he had always belonged to her, while inside my murderous thoughts continued. They worsened each day, and I found myself accidentally saying things out loud when I would compliment her on something, like her hair. I wanted to stop giving her hints that I wanted her dead and that I was jealous of her. But then again, seeing the fear in her eyes only made it better.

Rise from the Ashes Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Epilogue

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