I am making this web page in hopes of being able to reach out to any woman that is in an abusive relationship. Please read my story and reach inside of yourself to find the strength to do what you know is right. You have to remove yourself from the hideous nightmare you are living in before you are forced to suffer the repercussions that last a lifetime, such as I am having to do.

My name is Brooke and I am asked constantly by my friends in yahoo chat, why I am still single. This will maybe answer that question for you. I am in a healing stage of my life right now. I am regrouping again. Basically, getting myself back on a more level footing. Do I want all the normal things a girl my age does? Most definitely! The thing I don't want, is to deal some guy a hand he does not deserve because I did not take the time to deal with my anger, pain, and loss.

MY SOULMATE

Or was he? I met Mark and all I can say to you is that I loved him in a way that I only thought was possible in the fairy tales. All he had to do was look into my eyes and I got butterflies. When he touched me, I melted into him. When he made love to me, the tears would flow down my cheeks from the sheer overpowering effect he had on me.

We were together for 3 years. They changed my life forever. Unless you have ever been in an abusive relationship, I don't expect you to understand why it was hard for me to walk away. The funny thing is, he was so good to me for the first year. Somewhere along the line, he became sickly obsessed with me. This obsession bred jealousy, and that in turn, caused this man I loved to turn into a monster. I don't even try to understand what happend anymore. All that matters, is that I need to take the bad and turn it into something good. Not only for myself , to complete the healing process, but to help other women, so that it was not all in vain.

The first time Mark hit me, it was because I talked to a member of the opposite sex that I had known for years. He became enraged, and when we got home, he beat me so bad I thought he was going to kill me. I ended up with 2 cracked ribs, bruises all over my body, and I could not see because he blackened both of my eyes to the point that they were swelled shut. I am not even going to try and put into words how utterly shocked and devistated I was. Mark dropped to his knees and said he was sorry. He begged me to forgive him and said it would never happen again. I believed him. My first of many mistakes. 

The second beating, came shortly after. Once again, I forgave him. This time, we were shopping in a mall, and a guy happened to look me over and as we passed each other, he turned around and continued to look at me. Mark had a very keen eye for every move a guy made when we were out in public. By the time we got home, the anger had built into another rage. 

I am not going to focus on all the beatings individually. Let me just say that they got worse, until it reached the point that I lived in sheer terror of him. I became afraid to leave him because he said if I ever did he would kill me. He told me that no other man would ever have me.

You are probably wondering why I did not confide in family and friends as to what I was going through. You just have to try and understand that he made me feel like the beatings were my fault. I did not want anyone to know that I was such a bad person. I was ashamed.

I became pregnant. At first, I was afraid. I did not want him to be in my life forever! And I most certainly did not want his baby. Abortion was out of the question for me. It did not take long at all for me to grow to love this little miracle growing inside of me. My baby showed me a new kind of love that I never knew existed. As the pregnancy progressed, we became very bonded. She reacted to my touch and I to her little flutter that soon enough became a kicking that I absolutely loved feeling. I would rub my tummy and talk to her all the time, and sing songs to her, and I knew that she could hear me. I loved her and still do, more then life itself. I would gladly give my life so she could have hers. There is NO question about that. I would do it!! My little angel, Brandy. I love her so!

The final blow from Mark , took her from me. It was not a beating, but a shove down the stairs that snuffed the life out of my baby, and out of myself, for she was my life. Oh God, forgive me for not protecting her. The pain is almost unbearable at times. I know that she is safe in the arms of Jesus, and I know that someday I will see her again.

I could go on and on with this story. It is just that I do not want to relive all that pain. I am begging any woman that reads this and is an abusive relationship to get out. Don't wait until it becomes tragic like it did for me. Please, I am begging you!!!!