Don’t let your parents get away with imposing a sweetie-free diet Never take the blame for anything pull ugly faces when being photographed for a cute baby competition Never show any intelligence during formal assessment Make rude noises from every orifice, and smile If you build a snowman, don’t plan a long-term relationship with him Don’t be afraid to learn traditional rhymes, and boycott any ‘politically correct’ versions Play with toys that promote sexual stereotypes-of the opposite persuasion! Walk in the gutter If you go anywhere particularly ‘grown up’, endeavor to be especially naughty Insist on ‘having a word’ on every telephone conversation Ask you parents what sex is at an unreasonably young age – they won’t be expecting the question Talk with your mouth full Have a box of tissues ready for the ritual kissing goodbye Crayon on wallpaper in preference to writing paper Tell tales Top Page 1 Page 3 Naughty Babies Page Main Page