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PAUSE
This section covers a chat show interview with Undepoldus.
Viewers familiar with this subject may pass on to the next
section.
Please select PASS or CONTINUE.
Breakfast with Graham
The next day was Sunday. The first concert by Undepoldus had met
with warm-hearted approval from the media. Because of the demand,
rapid arrangements were made for a vidcom network personality
and cameras to meet Undepoldus in Undepoldus House. Marita and
Kerstin had agreed that the broadcast would be a good time to
publicise Kerstin's role as double and bodyguard. A special Sunday
edition of "Lunchtime with Graham" was the show that
all four agreed would be the best for an informal interview.
The camera operators had difficulty in deciding what views
to take because Undepoldus looked uniformly dull white throughout
his length. Eventually it was decided to use a still view from
outside Undepoldus House to show viewers what the whole of what
Undepoldus looked like. There would only be parts of him in view
when the cameras were directed at the interviewer Graham Somerway,
George, Marita and Kerstin.
Graham Somerway started the programme.
Graham
Good morning everyone. Today is a very special day because I have
here with me the first non-human guest ever to be on a show like
this. Undepoldus is seventeen metres long and nearly 80 centimetres
high. We can show you how he looks when you come to see him at
Undepoldus House but here you can only see a part of him in behind
me. Undepoldus was brought here by the Spacer Marita Andersson
in some rocks collected from a planet near Alpha Centauri. He
was discovered in some rock samples at London University early
in March this year. Then he was only 18 centimetres long. In almost
every respect he is unlike us. He eats rocks and drinks a little
water and is like a large and long white hairy worm. As we now
know, his strange shape conceals the fact that he thinks a lot
like we do. He is very intelligent, he can talk and he has a sense
of humour.
Last night Undepoldus gave a concert in Hyde Park. I was there.
Undepoldus produced all the music with just a sound system. He
reproduced the voices of some of our favourite singers as if they
were there with us. He also gave us the sound of a full orchestra
with a backing choir. It was a wonderful experience for everyone
who was there. After the concert everyone was asking when the
next one would be. Now, I want to put that question to our special
guest, Undepoldus. When will you be giving your next concert?
Undepoldus
Good morning Graham, Good morning everyone. Before last night
I had difficulty in finding suitable venues for concerts here
in Britain. Now my agents tell me that the managers of nearly
every concert hall and theatre that can accommodate my size will
cancel their existing programme on the day when I will agree to
appear. My next appearance will be tomorrow, Monday at the Royal
Albert Hall. My concert will begin at 7pm and end at 10pm. I have
been asked not to give too many encores.
Graham
Have you got any more concerts lined up Undepoldus?
Undepoldus
I will be at several venues in London during this week and then
I will be going to Bristol, Birmingham, Leeds, Liverpool, Glasgow
and Edinburgh. I have been offered very tempting sums to appear
in New York, Las Vegas and San Francisco. I have instructed my
agents to try to arrange that preference will be given to venues
that can accommodate the most people. I would rather perform for
an audience of ten thousand people paying twenty-five euros to
an audience of one thousand paying five hundred euros. I want
the largest possible number of people to attend my concerts wherever
I go. I do not wish to be thought of as a special entertainment
for a rich elite.
Graham
How can people get tickets for your concerts?
Undepoldus
Tickets for my concerts will be sold on a city wide basis because
I may appear in several venues in any one city. People who request
a particular venue will be offered seats at that venue if seats
are available. If not, seats will be offered at the next alternative
venue in the city. Tickets can be ordered through the vidcom net
for named persons only. There will be no block bookings for tickets.
Only the named person will be able to attend the concert. Those
who have not attended one of my concerts before will get preference.
Graham
Will you be using the same music for all your concerts?
Undepoldus
No. Every concert will be different. I will not have much time
for recording sessions so each concert can provide a different
recording. After I have done around forty concerts there will
be enough material for special selections of different types of
music. I have found that recordings of human performers made at
concerts have an ambience that is missing from those produced
in recording studios. I think that I give a better performance
when I can sense the response from an audience.
Graham
Do you think that you are taking work away from human artists?
Undepoldus
Yes, but not without compensation. My ethics would prevent me
from doing that. I have arranged that where one of my concerts
is taking place at a venue that was originally booked for human
artists, they will receive the same payment as if they had performed
that night. They will also get free tickets for my performance.
Graham
I was impressed by the way you reproduced the sounds of singers
who made recordings when the technology was less advanced than
it is now. You seemed to be able to remove the distortions caused
by the original recording methods. How do you do that?
Undepoldus
Graham, I cannot honestly tell you. I do know that when I listen
to recordings made by old-time musicians, I can block out the
distortion mentally. Then, when I reproduce what I have heard,
the distortion is absent. I am pleased that I can do this because
it enhances the sound that humans hear. The recordings made of
my performances retain the enhanced quality so I can offer them
to the suppliers of the original recordings to replace their existing
copies.
Graham
Do you charge for this service Undepoldus?
Undepoldus
No. I have made arrangements so that I do not have to pay a performing
right fee in exchange for the provision of a copy of the enhanced
recording. This means that I can perform any human music from
the past without any bureaucratic problems. The copyright of my
performance is then shared with the original copyright owners.
Graham
Undepoldus, you seem to have a very high standard of ethics. Do
you attribute this to the fact that you were raised by Spacers?
Undepoldus
In part. My ethics are based on what are known on Earth as Asimovian
Laws. The Spacers who have cared for me have shown how these laws
in themselves are not adequate to cover all situations. They introduced
to me the concept of fairness and the principle of treating others
as one would like to be treated oneself.
Graham
Do you like it here in Undepoldus House?
Undepoldus
I find it ideal. It was built specially for me by those who did
not know what would suit me best. They tried to provide what they
thought would be good for me while allowing the people of the
world to come and see me. If I were to design my own house now,
it would be far less luxurious than this one. I like to watch
the people passing by and I like the convenience of the vidcom
processor that is close to my display area. The rocks supplied
exactly match my taste and they are provided for me in the quantities
I want to eat. I am free to come and go as I wish. When I was
smaller I spent my nights at the Spacers Club. Now I am too big
to go there without causing problems. In the evenings I am visited
here by George, Marita and Kerstin because they like my company
and I like to have them near me. They sometimes spend the night
with me because they care for me so much. I am sure that no being
could want more than I am provided with.
Graham
What is your relationship with George, Marita and Kerstin?
Undepoldus
They are my closest friends. In the early days they treated me
with the love and affection that humans bestow on pet animals.
When I was able to talk with them, the friendship deepened. I
feel happiest when they are with me.
Graham
Have you any opinion on the ways that Spacers conduct their affairs?
Undepoldus
I know that many non-Spacers find Spacer relationships rather
hard to understand. Spacers have developed a way of living and
associating with each other that makes the most of human resources.
They have devised ways of meeting the need that humans have for
mutual support and comfort. They have adopted some of the ways
of living that were regarded as quite normal by the ancient Greeks.
They have had to cope with the disparity in numbers between males
and females. This has led to the idea that the sharing of comfort
and pleasure is less connected with the concept of possession.
Female partners choose to share their male partners with other
females. In that way, most aspects of jealousy and rivalry are
eliminated. From what I have seen it is a more harmonious way
of living than is practised by most non-Spacers. Non-Spacers treat
possession as a major component of an association. Spacers do
not have children to care for at present so relationships do not
have to be organised with children in mind. I think that I am
particularly qualified to comment because I have no gender. What
I have seen of Spacer relationships makes me wish I was human.
Graham
Thank you Undepoldus.
George, Marita and Kerstin have helped to care for Undepoldus
since he was found. Each has had a different role to play. Until
today the secret that they shared was not made public. As you
see here, Marita and Kerstin look similar but different. Marita
Andersson is obviously a Spacer and Kerstin Broberg is clearly
a policewoman. Now I can tell you that the lady in police uniform
is Marita and Kerstin is the Spacer. They look more alike than
most twins. They have agreed to show themselves to you in their
Spacer formfits so that you can see how much alike they are. I
cannot tell which is which. Only George and Undepoldus can tell
them apart. They will now leave us for a moment. When they return
one will sit on George's left and the other will sit on George's
right. The cameras will look at them closely so you can see how
much alike they are. Both Marita and Kerstin have said that they
appreciate that nudity is a problem for some non-Spacers. It is
not a problem for them. If nudity offends you, please clear your
vidcom now.
George, while your partners are out of view, can you tell me how
you know the differences between them?
George
I can but I have promised them that I will keep their secret.
Kerstin's role has been that of a bodyguard and Marita's double.
She is a well trained policewoman as well as being a Spacer. Her
effectiveness depended on her ability to appear to be Marita as
you have just seen. We all hope that she will not have
to continue in her protective role any longer. Nevertheless, until
the world is totally free of those who would harm us or Undepoldus,
Kerstin wishes to continue her occupation.
Graham
How do you cope with Marita and Kerstin? One of them would be
a formidable partner for most men. Do you treat them differently?
George
I love them both equally. They have a great deal of mutual respect
for each other and are the closest of friends. I consider myself
lucky to have the two of them as my partners.
Graham
Now viewers, you can see two nearly identical women. They are
both totally bald as is the way with Spacers. They appear to be
almost nude because they are wearing transparent body stockings.
I remind viewers that this is the normal dress for Spacers in
space. The body stocking can, with a helmet, give protection from
the vacuum of space for several minutes. As you can see, it has
arrangements for personal hygiene. The only time one of these
body stockings is removed in space is to put a fresh one on. Now
George, do you know which is which?
George
Yes Graham I do, and so does Undepoldus.
Graham
I was tempted to ask our viewers to call us to say which is which
but I know that it is virtually impossible. Even when all the
crew here had the chance to look at them closely as they now are
before this programme started, none of us could tell the difference
between them. All processors connected to the vidcom network recognise
them as being the same. Their voiceprints are different but since
all processors comply with Asimovian Laws, a processor will identify
either one as who she says she is. Now Marita, will you please
stand up.
Kerstin stood up as had been previously agreed.
Graham
Please identify yourself Marita.
Kerstin
Big-Mar 207.
Graham
Processor, identify the lady who just spoke.
Processor
The female is identified as Commander Marita Andersson.
Graham
I know that the lady who is standing is Kerstin Broberg because
we arranged this test before the programme started. Please sit
down Kerstin. Now, will the real Marita please stand up and identify
yourself.
Marita
Big-Mar 207.
Graham
Processor, identify the lady who just spoke.
Proceesor
The female is identified as Commander Marita Andersson.
Graham
Kerstin, please stand up and identify yourself.
Kerstin
Kay-Mac 207
Graham
Processor, identify the lady who just spoke.
Proceesor
The female is identified as Lieutenant Kerstin Broberg
alias Sergeant Berry.
Graham
That is a perfect demonstration of what I was told. Thank you
Marita and Kerstin for showing us how alike you are. I can tell
you, our viewers, that Marita, Kerstin and George will accompany
Undepoldus at all of his concerts. Now Undepoldus will perform
some closing music for us. I would like to thank Undepoldus, George
McFigg, Marita Andersson and Kerstin Broberg for being my special
guests today. This is Graham Somerway closing this special edition
of Lunchtime with Graham. Thank you for viewing.
Undepoldus performed an excerpt from Mozart's Symphony No. 40 as the concluding credits were displayed.
Graham thanked them all for their participation and was delighted when Marita and Kerstin took turns to hug and kiss him. He was also able to discover how tough formfits are.
The crew arranged that a recording of the programme could be seen on George's vidcom while they were packing up their equipment. Undepoldus returned to his usual viewing position to be out of the way.
PAUSE
The next section covers the start of
a concert tour by Undepoldus.
Viewers familiar with this subject may pass on to the following
section.
Please select PASS or CONTINUE.