"Bloody hell, mate!" exclaimed the league secretary when informed of today’s score-line, such was the improbability of this victory. Black Horse started the match riding high in the league, undefeated this campaign, having already trounced us 9-1 early on in the season. They also had a plethora of substitutes, compared to our none and we were carrying several sleep-deficient, hungover players. Things looked ominous.

Manager Did was absent today, however with only 11 players the team really did pick itself, with Matt assigning positions and naming Pedro as captain. Paul Hurst’s recurring penis injury kept him out again and he took up the mantle of sole encouragement-shouter on the sidelines.

Our lack of substitutes proved a problem as Sean received a nasty knock after 20 minutes but by then he’d already contributed a fine goal, latching onto a superb through ball from the Nomad’s first ever Portuguese captain. Sean battled on valiantly ‘til the end using his remaining functional leg to action some feisty sliding tackles. He may never walk again, however.

The Nomad’s defence was outstanding, with Big Mark winning everything, Keeper Phil pulling off save after save and Grant organising the back four superbly. Whilst the Horse had plenty of possession, they were restricted to long distance efforts in the first half and we extended our lead when Tommy sprung the offside trap to slot past keeps. 2-0 at half time.

It was soon 3-0 as Pedro intercepted a weak back-pass to finish low into the right-hand corner. Black Horse pushed up in search of some goals, leaving huge gaps at the back. Dave, Tommy and Pedro all missed one on ones with the keeper and we were nearly made to pay in the last 15.

It seemed there was no way past Big Phil, until the cocky forward kicked his own foot in our box, launched himself 20ft into the air and performed a triple salcho with lutz to dupe the otherwise consistent ref into giving a pen. This was dispatched, leading to a bit of an onslaught as they quickly scored a second. A mighty defensive effort from the Nomads, however, during the final 10 ensured a hard-fought victory.

Curious language corner: Iain Havard was called a "blurt" and one opponent was booked for calling Sean a "f***ing netball player".