Maroon 5/John Mayer Concert - February 28, 2004
Holy sh*t, folks. I just saw the best concert of my life Saturday, February 28 in Memphis, TN. I purchased tickets for me and my best bud, Allen (part of his birthday present) to see Maroon 5 & John Mayer in concert. We decided to make it an overnight adventure. We rented a car which was so nicely upgraded to a very sweet, brand new 2004 Mitsubishi Endeavor. The girl at the counter asked if I was Allen's spouse...we both looked kind of like someone had suggested incest or something....and I exclaimed NO. As if! I knew immediately I would have a hard time prying Allen from the wheel.

I saw the look of "love" in his eyes as he began to drive the Endeavor. He had some separation anxiety when we had to return the SUV today. Something tells me Allen will be buying an SUV very soon... Uh oh...

Our trip to Memphis was fun, despite me calling Allen a "grandpa driver." He became so giddy at one point while driving the new car and stroking the steering wheel that I had to remind him that cops also pull people over for swerving all over the road and not just for speeding. If any of you reading this know Allen, ask him about Britney Spears' "Toxic." Earworm!

Anyway, we arrived at the French Quarter Suites unscathed and soon learned that their reputation that had preceded them on the net (which I read AFTER we had already reserved rooms) was well founded. They WERE authentic to New Orleans...historic(uh...old), and in a "gritty" part of town. I can't believe I paid $119 a night for the place, but I digress. When we arrived shortly after check in, they had my room ready but not Allen's. We had to wait an hour for his room to be "cleaned." Stickiness in the tub and on the carpet is not a great thing in my own home, but at least I know it's MY dirt. At the FQS, goodness only knows whose dirt lurked there.

Around 5pm we found our way to a hidden Applebee's which arguably had the worst service on the planet. Our server was a nice lady...but sloooooooow. I think they may have been a tad bit short staffed. Two hours later, we finally begged for our checks (which took another 10 minutes to retrieve and 10 to make change from our cash) and headed off to Mid-South Coliseum.

Cars seemed like they were lined up for miles. Mid-South didn't look as big as the VBC here in Huntsville, so I couldn't quite figure out the bottleneck traffic issue. Once we arrived we soon discovered we were probably some of the oldest people there. Teen girls ran amuck everywhere. Each usher we encountered wanted to see our ticket stub, but would tell us we needed to walk 2 more feet to the next usher so THEY could tell us where our seats were.(?)

I couldn't tell if they really believed in the whole team effort philosophy or in passing the buck. The last and final usher looked at our tickets and exclaimed "Wow! You're dead center!" Kewl. You know you've got good seats when the usher gives you the thumbs up! We sat directly center stage about 18 rows back on the floor. Even better, was the fact that only short people (like myself) stood in front of me. Sweet! I could see everything.

A few moments after arriving at our seats, I joked with Allen that the guy who sat down about 6 rows in front of us looked like famous country singer, Keith Urban. I had seen a video of his a few weeks ago while flipping through the music channels. I don't like country but had stopped because...well...he was cute. Well, lo and behold....it was Keith Urban and tons of women and teens were flocking around him begging for autographs. I felt sorry for him. He just wanted to enjoy the show. I know, I know....you hear the world's smallest violin playing now.

The first act was Maroon 5. WOW! They totally rocked! I knew every song (except for the unreleased track) and sang along and danced. Most of the people around us appeared half dead. They looked like deer caught in head lights. I don't see how you could hear Maroon 5 and NOT dance, but I learned some people appear to think that putting on your best poker face and pretending to be mannequins will make the artists perform harder and better and maybe not sell you down the river like when you buy a used car or something. Maybe they thought if they pretended like they didn't enjoy it they wouldn't lose their souls to the devil...I dunno...

The strange occurrences of the night included two 45+ year old guys, that I nicknamed "the henchmen", who sat in front of us and seemed totally unhappy to be there. They arrived half way through Maroon 5 and left half way through John's first set. They kept sitting down where at one point I almost socked one of them in the head while rocking out and they refused to even crack a smile. They spent their time there with arms folded and occasionally rubbing their eyes and necks. Did they screw up and mean to go to a Barry Manilow concert? Maybe it was way past their bedtime. Hmmm...

Anyway, Maroon 5 kicked a** and for the last song of the night they had the drummer come out from behind his drum set to take over lead vocals for a great and surprisingly good rendition of AC/DC's "Highway to Hell." This did bring a half smile from the tallest of the two "henchmen."

One other rather creepy aspect of the concert was a 40+ couple who looked like they hadn't left the coliseum since Bon Jovi played there in 1988. They were two rows up from us and seemed to think that every tune was a tune to grind and grope to. Allen mentioned the highlight of their escapades was when the man used the woman's rear as a drum set. The guy would occasionally lear at me and made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I couldn't help but laugh when they grinded on each other during the touching song "Daughters" - never thought of that as a song that brought sex to mind - but I have a feeling that even hearing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" would make them wanna get it on... My thoughts on this..."Ewwwww!!! Get a room!!!!"

After a twenty minute break and more young girls embarrassingly flocking to Keith Urban, John Mayer started his set. WOW. He was incredible and put on an amazing show. He thankfully played "Clarity" which is one of my favorites. The crowd was really jumping (well, for this crowd any movement was an improvement) to the usual hits - "No Such Thing", "Your Body is Wonderland", and "Bigger than my Body." I was impressed by how good his voice sounds live and how much his songs seemed to rock during a live show. He discussed some interesting things with us between songs....like how he doesn't have a private number, like he disliked the "Ugg" boot trend (couldn't agree with ya more) and a woman in a trench coat, black heels and a hat was more sexy than plastic LA ladies. He was actually quite funny.

There were a few times where it was just like a jam session - no vocals, just incredible guitar playing. I'm embarrassed to say my mind went straight to the gutter when he got down on his knees in front of his guitar and began what appeared to be an homage to Jimi Hendrix. At first, I thought "hey, that's pretty kewl." then "hey, that's pretty damn impressive!" Then it went to..."Uh, wow...that's kind of sexy..." then, nervously..."uhhhhh..." and finally me AS the guitar....UH....{blushing} Frighteningly, for a split second I was wishing I WAS 15 again so I could excuse away my sordid thought processes.

AH, if only he had looked up - he would have seen ME, I was right in his line of sight...and I would have said "John" and he would have said "Who are you?" and I would have said "Angela, you know the girl with the crazy website" and he would have said "Who are you?" and I would said "How YOU doin'?" and he would have looked annoyed and then i'd try a more subtle approach. "Hey, maybe I could email you sometime" and he would say "uh" (trying to think of a fake email address) and I would say desperately "I'll take any email address, even one you'd use for spam! Pleeeeease..." and alas it never happened. I kept trying to project my thoughts toward him doing my best Shirley McClaine, but they had to waft through hundreds of other thoughts like "John, I want to have your baby!" or "John, sign my undies!" or "You know what I could do to you?" (I think that was coming from the 45 year old groupie in front of us with teeth missing) or panicked/half crying thoughts of "OH MY GOOOOOD! He looked at me!!!!"

But seriously folks, this was an incredible show. And for those who know me VERY well, this weekend was a major coup - this has (for me) taken the top spot for the best concert I have ever seen pushing one of the best live bands in world (INXS) to the #2 position. Wooooweeee....

While waiting on the gazillion cars to leave the parking lot and trying to find a line out of the parking lot that was actually moving, we watched some of the desperate celebrity seekers waiting on Maroon 5 and John to walk out to their buses. Allen joked that maybe I could weasel my way backstage, but I thought "WHY?" What in the hell would I say to these people that they haven't heard a million times before? I do enjoy the hell out of their music, but I don't want their autographs and I don't want a photo of them standing beside me - me all happy and them thinking "ewww!." It'd be kewl to meet some of these folks on a normal basis, as they seem like neat people to know. But, playing the role of "fan" is rather unsightly sometimes and a bit embarrassing for me. One day soon, I'll get the story about my grandfather up online as it shaped the way I view "celebrities."

Allen and I had some fun after the show exploring Central Avenue in Memphis (er....getting somewhat lost), but we finally made our way back to the hotel. I had a glass of wine and then went off to my room to curl up in my king size bed all alone. {sigh} Did I mention it's hard to pick up men with your best male friend? ;) And if you are still reading now, youmust think my opinion really, REALLY matters soooo...Go out and buy Maroon 5 and John Mayer's albums....you will not be disappointed! I don't wanna have to answer the question "who is John Mayer/Maroon 5?" ever again people!