___________________published by grapefruit music, 1995.
Lamb Chops
apple pi
the potato song
olive man
prelude to teeth
teeth
when the saints go marching in
horses drowning in the middle of the ocean
beans and oranges and pickles
father and sun
when you lost your mind
hilarious
bite-sized banana
getting shots
another song
when the saints go marching in (reprise)
goggles
Lamb Chops
holy moley
andrew's got the lamb chops
holy moley
andrew's got the lamb chops
behold the lamb chops
that are stuck to his skin
the holy lamb chops
that are stuck to his skin
apple pi
i went to mcdonald's and i ordered apple pie
i brought it outside and i ate it on the walk
i still felt hungry and i wanted some more
i went back inside and i ordered apple pie
the potato song
i was sittin' on the dock with my favorite radio announcer, karlo
i was munchin' on a bag of chips and thought it would be nice to share
well, i said "want a chip?" and you wouldn't have believed his response
well, he got up on his feet and he ran away as fast as he could
well, i called him on the phone later on and said, "karlo, what happened?"
he said, "what were you thinkin'? you almost had me killd back there"
i said, "i didn't mean any harm-- would you please explain it?"
he said, "i've been afraid of potatoes since i was a little boy"
he explained:
"well, i must have been about four, and we lived on the second floor
and i didn't have my glasses yet, so my vision was poor
well, i saw a man exit the front door with a sack on his shoulder
i couldn't make out the label, so i leaned over
and after falling two stories, i met that sack of potatoes face first"
olive man
aaron-provisation
prelude to teeth
instrumental
teeth
well, my floss is my best friend
deeply, dentally: it cleans my very being
fresh breath is certainly a benefit
but i'm in it for the hygeine
because i can't rise and shine
though brushing teeth is in my dreams
thank you, i'll be flossing mine
dentures aren't my destiny
well, my dentist is a real nice guy
but i only see him twice a year
so i brush thrice and floss twice a day
to keep cavities away
i've a toothpaste life supply
i replace my brush four times a year
my diet's on the healthy side
my teeth have nothing to fear
because i can't rise and shine
though brushing teeth is in my dreams
thank you, i'll be flossing mine
dentures aren't my destiny
when the saints go marching in
traditional (mostly)
horses drowning in the middle of the ocean
instrumental
beans and oranges and pickles
i don't think it's fair that they call them green beans
because beans that are brown don't have the color in the name
i don't think it's fair that oranges are orange
because apples are red, and they're called apples instead
i don't think it's good that you call pickled cucumbers just pickles
because pickled beets are pickled beets to you--
they keep their maiden name
i like to eat beans and oranges and pickles
but i don't like their names and it makes me sick how people are so fickle
father and sun
dad's sunscreen is 400
his shades are too expensive
his pens are solar-powered
his diet is sunflowers
on cloudy days he sets the trees
on fire
his window faces east
his hair is blond-- sun bleached
uv rays don't harm him
at least that's what he thinks
my father's clothes are black
because it attracts the sun's attention
our ceiling's made of glass
the night time comes too fast
mom left us long ago because
dad would rather tan than give her hugs
when you lost your mind
once upon a time
once when you were young
i remember when
when you had a gun
i ran so fast away
i ran to save my life, i tell you
once upon a time
when you lost your mind
i remember when
i saw the stars in your eyes
those times came to an end
when you weilded that knife
now i'm afraid to say
that i can no longer see you
please loosen your strangle hold
girl, you've lost your mind
and when you kicked my groin
i thought i'd never sing low again
and when you pulled my hair
i thought that i'd be bald forever
and when you branded me
i knew our time had come
once upon a time
when you lost your mind
hilarious
when you tell those funny jokes
i laugh until i cry
in this entire world
i would say that you're the most humorous guy
you're hilarious
to me
see the cartoons that you draw
you know they really send me on a trip
you should be a comedian
or a writer for a comic strip
you're hilarious
to me
bite-sized banana
mistaken for a gherkin
mistaken for a gherkin
mistaken for a gherkin
mistaken for a gherkin
i like bite-sized bananas
i like bite-sized bananas
i like bite-sized bananas
but the waiter's color blind
getting shots
get hit by a car
then fall down
then get run over by the car that hit
i like getting shots
i like throwing pots and pans
all over the place
burn your houses down
and leave the pets
and leave the pets
i like getting shots
i like throwing pots and pans
all over the place
dine in a mexican restaurant
and request no water
"no matter what i say"
"no matter what i say"
walk on a hot sunny beach
on a sunny day
and wear no shoes
and burn your shoes
i like getting shots
i like throwing pots and pans
all over the place
another song
a pod lands on the moon
i saw an attractive girl; she had a welcome mat for a hat
the crops look mighty fine this year
i like to swim in pools that swim-- i like to swim in swimming pools
rhinoceroses in speedboats and throwing soda cans
tennis racket theatre rake islands jump rope
ambulence driver, get me to the watermelons
on fire escapes we run until a blue whale joins the fun
canned food
if you could say one thing to a butterfly
do you still sew?
a flaming star came from the sky to play 18 holes of golf with me
when the saints go marching in (reprise)
traditional
goggles
instrumental