Part One

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EZRA:
Take these you hear that, gentlemen? That is the sound of opportunity knocking. Don't be slow to answer the door.
JD:
I still can't believe you did it, slapping all the money down on the saloon.
EZRA:
Well, I've been living parsimoniously.
JD:
Parsi--what?
EZRA:
I've been saving.
JD:
Oh.
EZRA:
Now that the down payment's been made, all that's needed are a few prudent investors to infuse a little working capital. Mr. Jackson?
NATHAN:
Oh, I don't know, Ezra. I mean, what do you know about running a saloon?

EZRA:
I spent my whole life in saloons. You may trust I have ample experience. What about you, Josiah?
JOSIAH:
Money... is like manure. Not good except it be spread.

EZRA:
May I take that as an affirmative?
JOSIAH:
No.
EZRA:
Gentlemen, gentlemen, envision the future. Glistening wood, sparkling mirrors, a new piano, lush, green-felt tables.
JD:
That does sound good.
EZRA:
And it proves you're a smart lad. You know the answer to the question.
JD:
You bet. Yeah. What's the question?

EZRA:
The question is, what does everyone in this town want to do? What does every visitor here want to do?
NATHAN:
Leave?
EZRA:
They want to drink, my friends. They want to hear music and gamble, and where's the only place they can do that? I give you the Standish Tavern. I can hear the jingle of the cash box now. Come along, gentlemen. Let's inspect our private gold mine.
WOMAN:
Whoo! Whoo!

JD:
Jeez, Ezra, you sure are right about this place.
CROWD:
Whoa! Whoo!
NATHAN:
Excitement's over yonder.
EZRA:
Hey, Buck. What's all the commotion?

BUCK:
Poker. High stakes. Ol' Gundersson, he's losin' his shirt, but he's not backin' down. I think you better take a look at this.
GUNDERSSON:
I call.
[crowd oohs]
GUNDERSSON:
Ja, dat's it. I'm wiped out, sure. You own da place.
WOMAN:
Oh, ho! Sorry, sorry. Whoo!
EZRA:
Mother?

MAUDE:
Hello, darlin'! I just won that sweet lil' hotel across the boulevard.
EZRA:
Oh!
[whistling]

---

CHRIS:
Hey!
YATES:
Hold it! No need for gunplay here.

CHRIS:
I wouldn't be so sure.
YATES:
This ain't your fight, Mister. It's him we want.
VIN:
And who the hell are you?
YATES:
Name's Yates. I'm a US federal marshal. Vin Tanner, you're under arrest for murder in the sovereign state of Texas. We've come to take you back. Let's go!

---

MARY:
Marshal Yates, all I'm saying is that a man's actions should speak for him.
YATES:
Couldn't agree more, Ma'am, but I got papers say this fella Tanner's actions in Tascosa, Texas, were that of a murderer.
MARY:
Well, just because some papers say it doesn't make it true. A lot of people here will attest that Vin Tanner has risked his life many times to protect this town.
YATES:
Mrs. Travis, I'm not the judge, and I'm not the jury. I'm not even after that bounty on Tanner's head. I'm just a lawman, sworn to bring him to trial for the killing of Jess Kincaid. Good afternoon, ma'am.

CHRIS:
Marshal, you ever heard of a man by the name of Eli Joe?
YATES:
Should I?
CHRIS:
He's wanted in the state of Texas for the slaughter of 2 families.
YATES:
What's that got to do with me?
CHRIS:
Tanner claims this Eli Joe set him up.
YATES:
You know that for a fact? Then what you have to say don't count for much.
MARY:
I'll wire the judge.
YATES:
You can do that, ma'am, but, uh... territory judge don't have jurisdiction over this.

---

MAUDE:
You be careful with that sign. That cost a lot of money.
MAN:
We'll be careful, Ma'am.
MAUDE:
Bring it up on the left. Make sure that's well-secured, now. That's it. That's good. That's good.
EZRA:
"World Famous Ritz." Oh, how optimistic.
MAUDE:
I have every reason to be, dear.

EZRA:
So tell me, Mother, which con did you use on our recently dispossessed Swedish friend? The floating king? You're very good at that one.
MAUDE:
There was no need to use sleight of hand. The man's dumber than a shovel. So what do you think?
EZRA:
Well, frankly, of all the endeavors I thought you might undertake, hotel proprietress was not one of them. Why are you in town?
MAUDE:
Well, I just wanted to be close to my sweet little baby boy. And look at you. I never thought you'd become a bartender.
EZRA:
Owner, Mother. I've become a man of commerce.
JOSIAH:
Madam. May I have the pleasure of welcoming you back to our humble town?
MAUDE:
Well, thank you...
EZRA:
Josiah.
MAUDE:
Josiah. You're as handsome as ever.

JOSIAH:
If eyes were meant for seeing, then beauty is its own excuse for being.
EZRA:
If you'll excuse us, Josiah, heartwarming family reunion and all. You understand.
JOSIAH:
Oh, of course.
MAUDE:
Honestly, Ezra, you've been as sour as a grape since I arrived.
EZRA:
Well, perhaps that's because I have a distinctly uneasy feeling about you and I both owning businesses on the same street in the same town.
MAUDE:
Why ever for? It's not like we're in competition with each other. We're not, Ezra. I provide beds and baths and food for weary travelers.

EZRA:
True. And I offer music, gambling, and liquor.
MAUDE:
Well, there you are. Now, you make sure to secure that real well.
MAN:
Yes, ma'am!
MAUDE:
I don't want that toppling over on my patrons.

VIN:
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! How could I be so stupid?! I got too wrapped up with this town and these people. I should've never quit hunting that bastard Eli Joe till I cleared my name.
CHRIS:
All those years lookin' over your shoulder, sleepin' with one eye open... it's got to wear on a man.

VIN:
It's no excuse. I let my guard down. Ah, you know me, Chris. I ain't afraid of dyin'. I just don't want to go out like that, strung up like some mangy dog.
CHRIS:
Ah, I ain't gonna let that happen.
VIN:
Ah, no, Chris. You go messin' with the federal marshal, they're gonna string you up right alongside me. Chris. Larabee! Chris!

---

EZRA:
Gentlemen, can you not picture this becoming the finest entertainment emporium in the entire territory?
JD:
All I can picture right now is them fixin' to take Vin away and hang him.
EZRA:
Now, Son, don't fret. Besides, when we rescue him, we'll need a fit place to celebrate. So, what say you, boys? Are you ready for success?
NATHAN:
I don't know, Ezra. My daddy used to say, "Best horse you ever saw was only as good as the man riding it."
EZRA:
Pure wisdom.
BUCK:
Oh, morning, Luce.

LUCY:
Buck. Gentlemen. How have you been, Buck? I've missed you.
BUCK:
All due respect, doesn't look like you've been missing meals there, Lucy.
LUCY:
Well, that happens when you're going to have a baby.
BUCK:
Oh! Well, congratulations! Boys, can you raise your glasses here? Our sweet Lucy's gonna have a baby.
LUCY:
Uh-huh.
JOSIAH:
Congratulations.
LUCY:
Same as you.
BUCK:
As me? ha!

LUCY:
You're the father, Buck.
JD:
Hey, Buck and Lucy are having a baby!
LUCY:
Yeah, and a wedding, too.
BUCK:
What?!

LUCY:
Oh. My pa's gonna insist on one, and you know how mad he gets.
EZRA:
A wedding! Well! Someone should buy a round of drinks.
JOSIAH:
The Lord blesses the union of 2 lovers. Lordy behold!

BUCK:
No, no. This is nonsense. All right? It's nonsense. I'm not the father of that baby. I'm not the father of that baby, and I'm not about to get married. No. No-o.
LUCY:
[crying]
NATHAN:
Well, Buck, looks like it's time to get yourself a ring and a new suit.

BUCK:
[laughing]

---

CHRIS:
Well?
MARY:
I've wired lawyers, courthouses, anyone who would respond. From what I can tell, there's nothing to prevent them from taking Vin.
CHRIS:
What about Judge Travis?
MARY:
He's 2 days away from the telegraph office, and it seems the marshal is right. He has no jurisdiction. Why don't we try going to Tascosa? Fight it there.
CHRIS:
The minute he sets foot in that town, they'll hang him.

---

VIN:
Mind givin' me some of them beans? Might slow y'all down if I'm goin' empty.
YATES:
What's go--
VIN:
Ugh! Unh!

---

MAN:
Could be that she wants to take care of.
MAN 2:
I figure 10 ought to be enough.
MAN:
How you doin', huh?
MAUDE:
... in ammonia and water.
EZRA:
Mother, what are you doing?
MAUDE:
I'm redecoratin'.
EZRA:
Yes, but poker tables? Selling liquor? I thought we had an understanding.
MAUDE:
Well, I found those gambling tables in the hotel cellar. Ha ha ha. Now, am I supposed to let those lovely furnishings languish in a dark and dusty hole?
EZRA:
Don't start with me, Mother. I won't sit back and watch you take my business.
MAUDE:
Your business? Where in the city charter does it say that only you can serve drinks and offer gambling?
EZRA:
You know what this means.
MAUDE:
A little war, dear?
EZRA:
I'll run you into the ground.
MAUDE:
Well, we'll just see who buries whom.
EZRA:
Well, then, the gauntlet is thrown. Good day.

---

MAN:
There. Yeah. There you go.
YATES:
Go. Come on.

JD:
You can sit here and watch them take him. I'm not lettin' them.
MARY:
They're federal marshals, JD
JD:
That's Vin Tanner, Mrs. Travis. You're not taking him, Marshal.
VIN:
Kid...

JD:
I can handle this, Vin.
YATES:
You gonna shoot us all, boy?
JD:
No, just you. Let go of me, preacher!
JOSIAH:
Excuse the boy, Marshal.
YATES:
Head out, boys.
MAN:
Let's go.
JOSIAH:
No disrespect.
YATES:
None taken. Come on. Come on.
JD:
You know he's innocent, Buck!
BUCK:
Chris is right. They'll see 6 riders comin' a mile away. Easier for one man to cut Vin loose.
NATHAN:
Chris, we'll be ready when you get back.
JOSIAH:
Hey, Chris.
CHRIS:
Vin's?
JOSIAH:
Vin may be needin' his gun.

---

YATES:
Come on. Hold up. Just in case you get any fancy notions.

---

EZRA:
The war has begun.

---

[bell clanging]
EZRA:
To commemorate... a special at the roulette wheel. All our numbers are-- Excuse me. did I-- gentlemen?
[bell clanging]
[cymbal banging]
MAN:
4 cents?! "All drinks 4 cents"?

---

CROWD:
Aah! Aah! Aah!
MAUDE:
Scat! Go away, you foul creature!

---

[shouting]
MAN:
You tryin' to kill us here?
EZRA:
Somethin' wrong?
MAN:
This stuff is crap! Ugh! Oh, boy! It's foul!

EZRA:
How much did she pay you? Come back here, you coward!
BUCK:
You haven't seen me.

EZRA:
I haven't seen him.
LUCY:
[crying]

---

MAN:
A pleasure palace unrivaled anywhere in the world!
CROUPIER:
Place your bets, gentlemen. It's the last chance to place your bets.
JD:
13. 13. Come on, 13! Come on, Mr. Croupier. Come on, 13. Come on, 13! Come on, 13!
EZRA:
Hello, Judas.

JD:
Oh, hey, Ezra. 13! 13!
EZRA:
Listen, JD, I just want you to know that despite your betrayal, I'm still holding you a spot in the investment and--
CROUPIER:
Red 7 is the lucky number!
JD:
Damn!
EZRA:
Now, for an initial buy-in--
JD:
I can't believe it! I was winning, Ezra. I had this system. It was working.
EZRA:
Would that be Maude's system, by any chance?
JD:
Yeah. Yeah. It was working great.
EZRA:
Until you got cleaned out?
JD:
Damn!
MAN:
You sure you can handle all that? That pays double.
CROUPIER:
No problem, sir. Number 12. Place your bets, please.
MAN:
Let it ride.
MAUDE:
Ezra, dear. Drop in for an aperitif?
EZRA:
Physician on premises?
MAUDE:
Well, I thought it would be a nice amenity for the patrons. Dr. Jackson is fitting in very well.
EZRA:
Dr. Jackson? He's not a doctor.
MAUDE:
Well, he should be.

EZRA:
Hey, Nathan, get back here! You can't have Nathan. He's one of my investors.
MAUDE:
Funny. He didn't mention that when he signed on. Now, can we discuss this some other time? I have a rendezvous.

JOSIAH:
Good afternoon, Maude. Woman like this renews a man's faith.
EZRA:
In what?

---

LUCY:
Hi, Buck.
BUCK:
Lucy, what are you doin' in here? You're gonna have to leave.

LUCY:
That's not what you said last time we were in here together.
BUCK:
Well, that was a long time ago.
LUCY:
Oh, Buck. Ha ha. I've seen all that. You certainly don't have to be modest in front of me, of all people.
BUCK:
I think I do now. Lucy, we got to talk.
LUCY:
Oh, don't I know it? There are a thousand things to discuss. The honeymoon, where we'll live--
BUCK:
Lucy--
LUCY:
And baby names. I like Randolph for a boy and Eudora for a girl. Ha ha ha. What do you think?
BUCK:
What I think is that you can't see or hear anymore. There isn't gonna be a place to live. There isn't gonna be a honeymoon because there isn't gonna be a wedding. Ok! And one other thing. No little girl of mine is gonna be named Eudora.
WOMAN:
Oh!
WOMAN 2:
Oh! Ha ha ha! Oh, my! Ohh!

---

VIN:
I figure it's been a while since you boys were in Texas.
YATES:
That right?
VIN:
Yeah. Texas is that away.
YATES:
Just shut up and ride.