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Bonny Hick's tragic death on Dec 19 1997 on board a Silkair flight seemingly belonged to a series of devastating and senseless landmarks in my life. I had taken life for granted - my recent spate of good luck careerwise was recently overshadowed by a sense of profound loss where in a space of 18 months, I had to face the sudden deaths of people who touched me. Whilst many were just mythical rolemodels, others were much closer to the heart. First came the sudden passing of Xu Fang. A man I had grown to respect and to be very fond of, Xu Fang was the Vice-President of the Chinese Football Association in Beijing, China. Xu Fang had a vision for China, that it would qualify for the World Cup selection by the year 2000, and he set out to develop China's favourite sport from it's humble position in 1994 to what it is today. My first meeting with Xu Fang was actually actually quite violatile at an Organising Committee meeting early in 1994. I was made to write a critical letter to him addressing some critical issues related to marketing of the Marlboro League. Xu Fang was not very impressed with the tone of the letter and he made it known to everyone in the room. Guess I was marked from then on. Far more forgiving than I had envisioned, Xu Fang and I had a gentlmen's agreement to work intimately to develop the Marlboro League to new levels. This was evident in his unstincting support and passion he shared with us when things were rouch. Less than a year, before his untimely death, I was having problems with my career decision and was contemplating leaving my present employment and I consulted Xu Fang about my consideration to move on. Xu Fang supported me all the way, but he hoped that our partnership and most importantly, my partnership with CFA would grow further with my decision. That show of support and confidence in my ability still is a driving force behind my work, because I really want to affect positive changes in China. Xu Fang died suddenly during China's National Day celebration in October 1996.
Dad died suddenly and quite violently after a surgical nightmare in November 1997. Dad and I had an extremely violatile relationship since my earliest memory - the basis of much of my youthful anger came from being caught in between the psychological warfare my parents fought against each other for over a decade in an environment of infidelity, suicide attempts, excesses and the likes. We were not any better ourselves. I was a difficult child - spoilt to the hilt with a mind of my own. Mom loves to be martyred - cruxifiction seemed to be the ultimate glamorous option. With all their faults, my parents, and I guess parents in general, were all trying to lead their lives as best they could. Coping and trying to cope with the baggages of family responsibilities is not an easy task, especially in a family as huge and politically sensitive as mine.
The flip side to it was my parents excessive generosity to their children. I had everything I wanted. Dad would reward me every year for passing my exams with really expensive toys such as a high end hifi system when I was 15, or a trip to Hong Kong alone when I was 16. Mom and Dad decided to develop a sense of independence in me at an early age, and decided to give me an allowance equivalent to working wage for me, with which I had to fend for myself. Should I decide to save the money, good on me, if not, my parents had never criticised me for excessive spending.
But who can miss the bickering at home? It became a habit more than a problem, and in my father's final years, he made up for all the pain to be at my mother's side for 10 years - inseperable and living together as one in Australia.
Just months earlier I made peace with my parents by thanking them for raising me, in the gesture typical of my family - by giving them all my life's savings. Selfishly it was also to prove myself that I am now psychologically and financially independent and am free to lead my life the way I seemed fit. Dad could only find his voice in writing and before his death he wrote a series of letters to friends, relatives and most importantly to me that openly expressed his pride in me of which I am grateful. Thank you for giving me life.
When parents are too self-absorbed, the child has to look outside the home for meaning. Those with access to information, the mass media, were lucky to share in the historical milestones - drawing links and seeing parallels between their lives with the mythical lives of celebrities, world events, popular culture and their adopted role models and even surrogate families. Celebrities and music were the constant in my growing up years that surprising kept me grounded with their "sensible ideals" - only thank God that I was watching "Donny & Marie" everyweek and not following AC/DC! Public figures feature deeply in my everyday life.
I did not know Bonny - in fact I had already emigrated to Australia when Bonny burst into the modelling scene in Singapore, nor had I read "Excuse me, are you a model?". Bonny, like Princess Diana, Gianni Versace shared and even personified some of my ideals, emotions and insights on life in general. In Bonny's and Princess Di's case they personified an aesthetic ideal being so beautiful, but closer to home, Bonny had the guts to speak her mind about living Singapore, commenting on her environment to affect change, which I had so dismally failed to do.
I identified with Bonny's self imposed exile to Australia. I left Singapore with bitterness - at myself, at friends, at a society which I felt to be small-minded and claustrophobic. I was too afraid to say nor do anything there - still couldn't see how I could have. I din't have the opportunity to prove my worth, unlike Bonny who was known as a top model.
Gianni Versace's passing at the hands of a selfish and vain Andrew Cunannan brought a lot of pain, because it destroyed a stimulus that had excited my imagination and sense of aesthetic for decades. I first came across Versace in the first few International Fashion Magazines for Men I acquired at a neighbourhood bookstore in the early 1980s. Versace, together with the late Matsuda, had such profound influence in my life that I never saw fashion the same way since. Thank you...
Princess Diana and Bonny were testimony that should one put his/her heart to it, one can blossom and be a worthy member of society. With courage and sheer tenacity, they overcame criticism, obstacles in their quest for knowledge and understanding, and in that process developed an instinct for human insights and compassion admired by all. Knowledge is power and wealth if it comes with compassion and empathy. Thank you for sharing and knowing.
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