23rd February 2001 There was an unfortunate incident last night, when the team were caught drinking in 4-4-2 formation in Lineker's Bar in Playa De Las Americas. Apparently Ranieri was apopleptic when he found out, and broke off his English lesson to fax a demand that they immediately revert to 3-5-2. Dennis Wise was reported to have said: "Fuck me, we don't know whether we're coming or going with this geezer", as he collided with Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink's pint. He was immediately booked for dissent. More news to follow.. 20th February 2001 The evening in question resulted in the good medic receiving a well-deserved thrashing at the hands of the North London Constabulary. It makes for fine reading, if I may be so presumptuous, and I rate that evening as one of the best I have spent following the Blues over the past thirty years... Read on.
I've received a late Arse match report from Klaus, who has been sulking since Sunday, but has now cheered up enough to put pen to paper... 19th February 2001 One of the only players to display any backbone was Dennis Wise, who paid for his blood and guts approach (and we are talking about the FA Cup here, after all) with a booking and the condemnation of the media. Perhaps they should watch the game again, this time keeping an eye out for the extravagant cheating of Patrick Vieira, who instigated the near-brawl just before half time, but was one of the only players involved who wasn't booked by ref Graham Barber. Vieira then went on to new heights of bad sporstmanship by spending the rest of the game trying to get Wise sent off, by the simple expedient of falling over theatrically every time Dennis went near him. It's not just a bad loser like me saying this: slow motion replays will confirm it. Arsenal's Thierry Henry, who ran all of 70 yards to slap Wise around the head, did not help matters, and neither did Cole, who punched Wise but didn't get booked either. The only good thing you could say about the ref is that he didn't actually send anyone off, even though there were good grounds in several cases. Cynical cheating from an Arsenal player aside, at least one Chelsea player didn't come out of the match smelling entirely of roses: Celestine Babayaro was lucky not to have been given his marching orders after two blatant and unnecessary off the ball incidents involving first Ljungberg and then Bergkamp. I reckon it's about time Babayaro pulled his fucking socks up, because although he promises much he hasn't actually delivered a great deal yet, and I for one have had enough of his shenanigans; he's taking the piss. So, incidentally, are some of the others - I was appalled to see Chelsea players swapping shirts with Arsenal after the game, when you consider the almost complete lack of sportsmanship from both teams over the preceeeding 90 minutes. It was completely inappropriate to have done so, and this for me was the final insult. I care deeply about losing to Arsenal, but it seems from their actions that some of our players don't - I'm all for sportsmanship, but it didn't enter into the equation yesterday, so why the shirt-swapping ? Ron Harris would be spinning in his grave, at least he would if he was dead, that is. Last I heard he was coaching the Malaysian under-21 team. The hospitals in Kula Lumpur are probably wondering why they're filling up with young footballers with leg injuries... Not a lot left for the fans to look forward to from this season, but let's hope for a good run in the league, where it's still possible to qualify for Europe. I dread to think what will happen if they don't - look what happened after we finished in the top six and won the FA Cup... 14th February 2001 Version 2:Chelsea Football Club once again demonstrate their contempt for their customers by offloading shirts at what seems to be a good discount, while failing to point out that they will be obsolete within a few weeks. This is cynical marketing at it's worst, no matter how they choose to justify it, and Chelsea should be ashamed of themselves for treating their fans with such disrespect. The really stupid thing is that if gave these obsolete shirts away, or charged a tenner for them, they would gain far more in terms of good will and loyalty from the fans. So why don't they ? Answers on the back of two failing hotels, three empty restaurants and a £75 million Eurobond, please. 13th February 2001 Please take a minute to peruse the jaundiced views of the mad medic as he takes it upon himself to defend Franck Leboeuf and then reminisces on an infamous Chelsea v Liverpool game in February 1982. Read on.. Meanwhile, Stephen Belfield has sent a newspaper-style pisstake on the Chelsea-Man U match. It's excellent, and can be found here. 12th February 2001 United were piss poor, couldn't string a pass together and were generally rubbish. The ref took pity on them when it looked as if they were going to get beaten and awarded them a goal from Nat King Cole, who had been moaning non-stop all the way through the game, prompting Frank Leboeuf to play well in order to get away from him. Cudicini in the Chelsea goal was so bored that he fell asleep several times during the game, and had to be warned about his conduct by the linesman. I fail to see how United are top of the league on this performance; it just goes to show how rubbish Arsenal are. Luckily for both of them winning the Premiership is not part of Claudio Ranieri's masterplan, otherwise it would all be over by now. See Klaus's Match report. Santa Throws Presents Out Of Sleigh This is a tiny bit rich coming from Ken, whose own carpet is a bit on the lumpy side. For a start he has consistently refused to name the directors of the mysterious off-shore managing company that owns around a third of Chelsea Village. As well as making the FA's 10% share ownership rule unenforcable, Ken's policy of non-cooperation is causing people to jump to all sorts of conclusions. One of the worries is that criminal organisations are increasingly buying in to football clubs in order to launder the money from their ill-gotten gains. This has already happened in several documented cases on the continent. Needless to say I'm sure there's no chance of Ken Bates being involved in anything dodgy, but if that's the case where's the harm in naming the mystery shareholders ? For those who couldn't give a shit about Ken's dealings, and wonder why I bother to go on about them on a football site, consider this: UEFA's new rules for clubs playing in Europe specify that they must be open about who owns them. As things stand this means that you can kiss goodbye to Chelsea's chances of playing in the Champions League next season, should the unlikely happen and they qualify. I trust that will stimulate your interest a little. 6th February 2001 The excuse is that they're worried that passengers will be put at risk if the tube goes private. To long-suffering tube travellers, who experience the concern that most transport union members show towards them on a daily basis, this is laughable and insulting in equal measure. I would suggest that the real reason is that they're more worried that privatisation will result in a drive for efficient working practices, which will undoubtedly result in half of them being punted as surplus to requirements. Now that I've alienated myself from the proletariat I can carry on with another subject about which I also know very little, namely football. Whose idea was it to play Leboeuf, whose flick on from the near post fell perfectly for Chelsea reject and cockney Turk Mustapha "Muzzy" Izzet to nod home in the game against Leicester ? Franck is clearly now playing for the opposition, frustrated as he is by not being able to transfer to Monaco so that he can "win more silverware". The fact that Chelsea are five times as likely as Monaco, who are the worst team in the French league, to win him some more silverware proves beyond doubt that Leboeuf has lost the plot completely. He should therefore be dropped now so that he can concentrate on mouthing off from the bench, rather than providing scoring opportunities for the opposition. If you think this is a bit harsh, you're probably right, but I'm in a foul mood. Interesting to see that the official Chelsea web site are apparently at odds with manager Claudio Ranieri; the report on the Leicester game on the web site says that "confidence has been dented", whereas Claudio is claiming that it hasn't. The twerp on the official site also reckons that it "remains to be seen" whether Chelsea can pick themselves up enough to duff up Man U at the Bridge this weekend. One wonders whether this literary genius knows anything at all about football. He certainly knows less than me, and that, readers, is going some. The idea of Chelsea not being up for a game against Man U is so ludicrously incongruous as to be laughable. I'm not having a go at the official site per se, just the halfwit who comes out with this twaddle. I strongly suspect that it's the bloke who does the farcical half time compering, and is clearly an idiot. Perhaps he could do us all a favour by visiting the planet Earth sometime. 2nd February 2001 1st February 2001 January rants
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Priesty's Chelsea FC Refuge.
News Flash From Tenerife
No match for Chelsea this weekend, so they're taking advantage of the break to work on tactics on the glorious island of Tenerife. My East Stand correspondent Klaus has heard from his source close to the team that they're changing position round the pool every fifteen minutes as the Italian guru Ranieri faxes new tactical instructions to them from his Villa Berlitz hideaway in Rome.
Dr Les On The Warpath
Oh dear. Dr Les has taken violent exception to my summation of the Arse debacle, and has seen fit to question my integrity. He maintains that I am not quite the sportsman that I claim to be, and defends Celestine Babayaro's antics to the hilt. I shall be referring this scurrilous attack to my lawyers, but before I do that I will be hitting back by relating the story of a midweek visit that myself and Les paid to Three Point Lane, home of Tittenham Rotspur, a few years ago.
Blue Murder
In a bitter, ill-tempered game, holders Chelsea are dumped out of the FA Cup by three goals to one at Highbury. Once again Chelsea fail to win away from home, allowing themselves to be walked all over by a team who deserved to win on footballing terms, but some of whom resorted to cheating to get their way. I'm not making excuses; Chelsea were bloody hopeless in the main, and I sincerely hope that neither the team nor Claudio Ranieri thinks that getting mugged by Arsenal is anything less than disgraceful.
At It Again..
Version 1: The Chelsea Megastore have announced some fantastic bargains on home and away shirts at rock bottom prices. Get down there today to snap up your shirt at only £29.99, a saving of nearly £12 !!
The Return Of Dr Les
We have been mercifully free of the irascible Dr Les over the past couple of weeks, as he's been broadening his horizons to include most of the other major south-east Asian centres of self-indulgence. Unfortunately even Les finds that too much of a good thing can become a trifle wearing after a while, and he has slunk back to Hong Kong to dose himself up on antibiotics and the elixir of tiger's penis which he purchases in bulk from the Wun Fat Tit Cold Storage and General Emporium.
Ballad Singer Gets Scum Off Hook
Chelsea completely dominate the awful Man U at Stamford Bridge, with sterling performances from Chelsea players including Jesper Gronkjaer, who made slack-jawed defender Gary Neville look even more stupid than usual, and Gianfranco Zola, who had a perfectly fair goal disallowed for the piffling reason that the ball had gone out of play. If all referees were this picky football woud be in a fine mess. Disgraceful.
I see Santa Bates is in the news again, this time in a bust-up with the cobweb-festooned comedians at the FA. He's cross because in the wake of his resignation from the Wembley Stadium fiasco, a so far un-named FA official is alleged to have accused Ken of "gross irresponsibility", while another allegedly reckons that Ken has shown "a total lack of discretion". Yet another FA insider is alleged to have said that they are "totally fed up" with Ken. Ken has responded with predictable bumptiousness, threatening legal action if they don't come and out and say what they really mean instead of being so polite. He further threatens to reveal all about the FA and it's dealings, calling them cowards and coming out with the immortal line that "there's too much being swept under the carpet".
Strikers Off Target Again
A thousand apologies for those hoping in vain for a comment yesterday on Saturday's defeat at Leicester. This was caused by bastards working for London Underground going on strike, thereby confining Priesty to his hovel. I say bastards because the reasons for the strike are, not to put too fine a point on it, bollocks.
Lord Fergie In Euro Trouble
Klaus, the Voice Of The East Stand, has informed me that Lord Fergie's inability to lose graciously (see below, 29th & 30th Jan) has even made the German newspapers. The result was hardly mentioned, but Lord F did manage to get about 5 inches describing his tantrum after the match in Bild Zeitung, a national daily newspaper. Klaus is not the only one who would have preferred it if Lord F had got 10 inches elsewhere, but I suppose you can't have everything. STOP PRESS: See Klaus's excellent stream of consciousness Newcastle match report.
Magpie Murder
A fantastic goal from 85-yr-old Gianfranco Zola brings the Blues back into contention after going 1-0 down to visitors Newcastle at Stamford Bridge. Further goals from Poyet and Danish Wunderkind Jesper Gronkjaer seal the game, putting Chelsea sixth in the league and only six points off a Champions League spot, with a game in hand. See the match report from Nialli Vialli.
