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Some authors, like Haynes, do not agree with private meetings because they think there should not be any secrets. Other authors, like Sarah Cobb, would rather start with private meetings and are very careful about the contents revealed in these meetings. Perry Itkin, keeps the secret so much that he writes down only the contents that the party accepts that should be exposed in the joint meeting.
I agree with the last two authors concerning the confidenciality of what has been revealed in the private meetings and the suitability of carrying out this kind of meetings. In the case of mediations in families that are going through a divorce, i.e. where the marital bond is likely to be broken and they will not share many issues in the future, I think it is absolutely valid to keep some secrets from each other. We must not mistake secrets with lies, they are two different things.
The confidenciality principle is affected by "domestic violence". The mediator must have a clear picture of what kind of violence must be reported to the authorities and, thus, the confidenciality principle removed. The gender issues of the mediators play a major role in this decision.
The mediator's ability to keep the confidenciality demands the development of a skill that I have called "secretability". This is one of the sources of stress in a mediator.
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